The Gift of Frustration
1 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 30 November 2006 at 11/30/2006 03:23:00 pm.
It seems like leaving is the only thing on my mind these days and that it's all excitement and dynamic times but in all actuality, it's not really. Actually the normal same ol' same ol' is also raging away in my life and today I saw the benefit in it. The frustrations and grievances and annoyances are all still there and giving me the shits as usual. For example, recently I start to get annoyed with my friends here. Quite often in fact. Most of them are boys, and boys are typically annoying little punks that make me insane with annoyance just looking at their annoying faces, sometimes. There's one who I want to murder right now for giving me so much GRIEF in the name of "boy humour", and one who just makes me roll my eyes every time I think about him because he just thinks he knows EVERYTHING. And there's this ditzy client I have to deal with at work the last few days, who is absolutely making my life miserable on a regular every-10-minute-basis. Every time I see her name come up in my inbox I start shouting and cursing. UGH! Annoying! Some of the projects I'm working on right now are boring me to tears. My boss is lazy and hasn't a clue about what's going on in the department. I work with people who drive me crazy sometimes. And let's not forget wintertime in Ireland... the weather has been absolutely insane for the last month. The poor puppies have to hide in their puppy houses all day, not to mention I have to reschedule field work and no one can go outside for a walk or a bike ride, etc. Today it was gale-force winds and lashing rain all.day.long. The madness is that it's been like this for weeks.
What I've decided in dealing with it all, is that it's actually my good karma dealing me all this. If I weren't leaving soon, I would have to resign myself to putting up and shutting up, basically. Accepting whatever this is. I feel like in a way, that all of this nonsense has been dealt to me in a higher dose than usual, at this particular time, as a reminder that there are indeed plenty of reasons to get the hell out!
Sometimes earlier in the year I'd get all caught up in how many things I'd miss about this place, particularly people and places. But now it seems like I'm being given the gift of frustration and annoyance in droves, for my own good. I'm actually rather appreciative. As weird as it sounds, today I was totally annoyed about the fact that it WASN'T December yet, because I'm feeling so ready to get out. And I found myself being extremely happy about it, so happy in fact, I had to write it down. It's working.
Thanks, whatever/whoever/where ever you are!
I've never posted video before so I thought I'd have a whack at it and see what happens. All the cool kids are doing it.
Uh, I just selected one at random from my otherwise wasted video collection. So not promising much quality.
This is from Martin's visit a couple weeks ago. I'm judging by the clock on the wall that everything was pretty friggin funny at this stage.
Including silly boy dancers.
Uh, I just selected one at random from my otherwise wasted video collection. So not promising much quality.
This is from Martin's visit a couple weeks ago. I'm judging by the clock on the wall that everything was pretty friggin funny at this stage.
Including silly boy dancers.
amendment to the list below:
2 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 28 November 2006 at 11/28/2006 07:27:00 pm.
~
Yes. Having all those hours to drive made me think of the good things. I knew there were more than 4.
5. Tofu salad. I needed to have SOMETHING in my cooking reprotoire to be able to do with tofu, other than Alan & Auds' hot and sour soup. I mean I can't really consider a few cubes thrown into a soup actually a "tofu recipe". Look, I don't even like tofu but I want to be able to make EVERYTHING, and that includes tasteless hippy food. But I digress. crazy sarah gave me a kickass recipe for said tasteless hippy food and I made it and not only did I like it, but the Mr. liked it too, and that was totally unexpected. But appreciated! And happiness abounds.
6. Kid Rock and The Boobs are splitsville!!! Really there's nothing else to say but that. It was funny how the last post I made about celebrity divorces, I was nearly about to make a category for "divorces I hope come through this year", and that one would've been at the top of the list. But I reckoned at the time that the entry was long enough and dwelled far too much upon my celebrity romance fixation already. Now if he would just get down off this overly-patriotic, republican, country-bumpkin-from DETROIT high horse, I'd be back to putting him right back up there on the pedastal along with Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, Tom Petty, and all those other nasty rock stars that I'm the only one who fancies. (OK obviously except for some nut job yarn-spinning blonde in columbia, MO but that's beside the point)
7. I still have my mantra. Ray's old friend Mark told me once, when I was acting quite the stress-puppy: "If there's nothing you can do, then do nothing." There's a lot of things about Mark that I dislike intensely, and there's many unfortunate reasons that we'll probably never speak again, but that is one thing I took away from Australia with me and it's something that I've held so dear in my mind ever since that time he said it, that I'll never forget him for giving it to me. Especially in these days of uncertainty where we're forced to fly by the seat of our pants for at least the next 2 months and to not have the comfort of knowing exactly what lies ahead of us, due to our own choice to live a seriously dynamic life, I really get focus and perspective from that little mantra. There was more issues with the puppies' export drama tonight, actually, and it is not good- but this is the "highlights" list, so I won't waste time explaining. Basically: I'm much more at peace with these difficulties when I get ahold of the "cross that bridge when we come to it" mentality, followed up by the "If there's nothing you can do... then do nothing." And just let go. Even if it's for just as long as it takes for "doing nothing" to bite you in the ass. But that rarely happens, and furthermore, you get just a few more bonus minutes of peace credited to your life for that brief moment in time. Which is great when you really do live each day like tomorrow you could get hit by a bus.
So there. Time to move on from making lists.
Yes. Having all those hours to drive made me think of the good things. I knew there were more than 4.
5. Tofu salad. I needed to have SOMETHING in my cooking reprotoire to be able to do with tofu, other than Alan & Auds' hot and sour soup. I mean I can't really consider a few cubes thrown into a soup actually a "tofu recipe". Look, I don't even like tofu but I want to be able to make EVERYTHING, and that includes tasteless hippy food. But I digress. crazy sarah gave me a kickass recipe for said tasteless hippy food and I made it and not only did I like it, but the Mr. liked it too, and that was totally unexpected. But appreciated! And happiness abounds.
6. Kid Rock and The Boobs are splitsville!!! Really there's nothing else to say but that. It was funny how the last post I made about celebrity divorces, I was nearly about to make a category for "divorces I hope come through this year", and that one would've been at the top of the list. But I reckoned at the time that the entry was long enough and dwelled far too much upon my celebrity romance fixation already. Now if he would just get down off this overly-patriotic, republican, country-bumpkin-from DETROIT high horse, I'd be back to putting him right back up there on the pedastal along with Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, Tom Petty, and all those other nasty rock stars that I'm the only one who fancies. (OK obviously except for some nut job yarn-spinning blonde in columbia, MO but that's beside the point)
7. I still have my mantra. Ray's old friend Mark told me once, when I was acting quite the stress-puppy: "If there's nothing you can do, then do nothing." There's a lot of things about Mark that I dislike intensely, and there's many unfortunate reasons that we'll probably never speak again, but that is one thing I took away from Australia with me and it's something that I've held so dear in my mind ever since that time he said it, that I'll never forget him for giving it to me. Especially in these days of uncertainty where we're forced to fly by the seat of our pants for at least the next 2 months and to not have the comfort of knowing exactly what lies ahead of us, due to our own choice to live a seriously dynamic life, I really get focus and perspective from that little mantra. There was more issues with the puppies' export drama tonight, actually, and it is not good- but this is the "highlights" list, so I won't waste time explaining. Basically: I'm much more at peace with these difficulties when I get ahold of the "cross that bridge when we come to it" mentality, followed up by the "If there's nothing you can do... then do nothing." And just let go. Even if it's for just as long as it takes for "doing nothing" to bite you in the ass. But that rarely happens, and furthermore, you get just a few more bonus minutes of peace credited to your life for that brief moment in time. Which is great when you really do live each day like tomorrow you could get hit by a bus.
So there. Time to move on from making lists.
Ups and downs all over the place. But I have to go out on site and have a look at a quarry in Kildare so this has gotta be fast. I just don't want to lose some of my very few final rituals in Ireland before absolutely necessary. And that includes talking to the Bloggy!
Get these lows out of the way first:
1. See the great move update re: puppy troubles
2. General feeling of unsettledness.
3. First in sequence of many "goodbye events" happened this wknd: Our last night out with Kalvy, Vincey, and Sam. :( The Mr. wasn't quite ready for that. Of course I'll see V&K a few more days at work, but K leaves on the 2nd for a month, meaning Sam won't come down from Dublin anymore til he gets back (and we'll be gone). Then V. is off on the 7th (also for a month). We went and had our last dinner at Aroma, followed by Cafe de la Paix and 2 lovely bottles of Muriel Rioja (& bubbly). A fun night, yet bittersweet.
poo.
4. My mother is a passive/agressive nut job. It's amazing how she can turn someone else's tragedy into something ABOUT HER. And the P/A emails just top it all off with a big damn cherry. UGH.
5. The Father Inlaw fell off a roof on the farm and damn near killed himself this wknd. He's in intensive care to date, with several broken ribs (one sliced through a lung and will likely have to have that removed), a cracked skull, brain hemmorage, and broken groin/pelvis/whatever it is. But he's alive and stable.
6. The phabulous physio and the divine yoga teacher held The Great Minds' Summit of Jill- '06 on friday, and decided I can't go back to yoga yet, due to this DAMN knee.
7. (refer to no. 6) I'm losing muscle and gaining weight by the second!
8. PACKING HAS BEGUN
Now for the good ones:
1. Leading on from PACKING HAS BEGUN, I would just like to confirm that: SPACE BAG REALLY WORKS!!!! Seriously!!! As much as infomercials are the bane of my existence (well, they were when I lived in the USA), this space bag thing is really amazing!!! (could I audition for one of those commercials?!)
We went from *Jumbo Size* THIS:
To THIS:
There are bloody winter coats, at least 50 t-shirts, a queen-size bed matress cover, pillows, jeans, workpants, a whole winter wardrobe of dress clothes and such, AND SO MUCH MORE in there!!! Just look at the thickness in relationship to the foot of the bed!
2. My new passport arrived safely in the mail (whew!) after 3 weeks of being held hostage (in the renewals office) at the embassy in Dublin. The kicker? This one has my married name on it. I'm officially, for the first time on any government document, finally, and proudly wearing the name of the Mr.! No more of that "in electricity bills, mortgage papers, payslips, and car insurance only" crap. Disappointed Feminists away with ye! I get off on sharing a name with someone I actually consider to be my real family-unit. The passport was nearly expired so I had to do it all in Ireland, which was a frightning experience, but the result (and 10 more years of credit til expiration date) makes the 3 weeks of anxiety and worry over the status and safety of my passport hanging out in the Irish Post, worth it. :D
3. On sunday, I got to talk to Sandra for AN HOUR AND A HALF!!!!!!!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh it's so fun to talk to S&A on the phone!! Even though they couldn't be farther away geographically if they tried, and Aus is always a pain to get the right timing (of day/night) down for phonecalls, it's still like we never left and I could just blather on for 10 hours and still keep going. That is just frigging brilliant. And she's NOT PREGNANT!!! Just hearing her voice made all of the previous list (1-7, at least) completely disappear. Unreal.
4. I thought I had more than this, but I guess SPACE BAG was just so cool that it felt like I had three or four more bonuses to add to the good list. Oh well, I have appx 5 hours in a car today to come up with more. And that I shall. starting with the fact that the weather actually looks dry for the first time in i cant remember how long. GOD is all loaded up with tunes, and the TuneCast has batteries in it. woo hoo!
Happy thanksgiving!
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 23 November 2006 at 11/23/2006 06:11:00 pm.
Today I was wondering why S wasn't responding to our normal day-to-day exchange of random blahblahblahs. I'd noticed certain other people weren't on IM.... noticed Scott wasnt at work... etc.
Then it hit me: OH YEAH! IT'S THANKSGIVING! TA-Daaaaaaaa!
Loads of people wouldn't be at their offices today, ensuring there'd be 50% people on my active IM list.... loads of people would be doing family things, meaning there'd be none of the usual blog posts or email exchanges, etc., etc.
Last thanksgiving we celebrated with Scott and his clan (my first yankee turkey day since 1999!) but this year even though he's taken off work, they're not doing a big one either due to parent-teacher night stuff (supposedly), Linda working nights all week, and other vague reasons I'm not exactly sure of (but that most likely have to do with NOT having an extra 2 mouths to feed!)
I'm thinking we may just cancel my semi-traditional, when-there's-only-2-of-us, non-traditional Thanksgiving tradition of having something that somewhat resembles a turkey (small roast chicken for 2, + leftover box of Stove Top from when mom thought that it was one of my "favorite things!" and sent me 10 boxes back in 2001 or something.... barf!) and wine. The Mr. is in a foul mood because he's overly stressed about work and moving and car selling and doggy vaccinations and South African import regulations, and everything in general. I really don't feel like hanging out in the kitchen roasting chicken. So we may go out for dinner? I don't know, it just might happen that HE doesn't feel like that! Either way the Chiefs got the luck of the draw and will be shown on UK TV tonight (the good news) but they got dealt the late-late-late game (the bad news), meaning it'll start somewhere around 11:30 or thereabouts. Can I even be bothered staying up for that? I just don't know.
Oh well, I just got home from work and it's 6:30 now. The Leader of the Opposition should be making his entrance any minute now. I guess we'll see where his humour level is at, and go from there. We have to drop SOLD! car number 1 off at it's new owners' immediately thereafter. And then anything could be possible.
Regardless of the fact that sometimes he can be a bull-headed, high-strung, stress-puppy Dutchman, I am still thankful (and not just today) that I have a lovely husband. OK. There. My contribution to Thanksgiving... regardless of what's being eaten back Stateside, and under what circumstances it's eaten, I commit to being especially thankful right here and right now at my laptop, on this day of thanks and turkeys.
Bon Appétit everybody!
Then it hit me: OH YEAH! IT'S THANKSGIVING! TA-Daaaaaaaa!
Loads of people wouldn't be at their offices today, ensuring there'd be 50% people on my active IM list.... loads of people would be doing family things, meaning there'd be none of the usual blog posts or email exchanges, etc., etc.
Last thanksgiving we celebrated with Scott and his clan (my first yankee turkey day since 1999!) but this year even though he's taken off work, they're not doing a big one either due to parent-teacher night stuff (supposedly), Linda working nights all week, and other vague reasons I'm not exactly sure of (but that most likely have to do with NOT having an extra 2 mouths to feed!)
I'm thinking we may just cancel my semi-traditional, when-there's-only-2-of-us, non-traditional Thanksgiving tradition of having something that somewhat resembles a turkey (small roast chicken for 2, + leftover box of Stove Top from when mom thought that it was one of my "favorite things!" and sent me 10 boxes back in 2001 or something.... barf!) and wine. The Mr. is in a foul mood because he's overly stressed about work and moving and car selling and doggy vaccinations and South African import regulations, and everything in general. I really don't feel like hanging out in the kitchen roasting chicken. So we may go out for dinner? I don't know, it just might happen that HE doesn't feel like that! Either way the Chiefs got the luck of the draw and will be shown on UK TV tonight (the good news) but they got dealt the late-late-late game (the bad news), meaning it'll start somewhere around 11:30 or thereabouts. Can I even be bothered staying up for that? I just don't know.
Oh well, I just got home from work and it's 6:30 now. The Leader of the Opposition should be making his entrance any minute now. I guess we'll see where his humour level is at, and go from there. We have to drop SOLD! car number 1 off at it's new owners' immediately thereafter. And then anything could be possible.
Regardless of the fact that sometimes he can be a bull-headed, high-strung, stress-puppy Dutchman, I am still thankful (and not just today) that I have a lovely husband. OK. There. My contribution to Thanksgiving... regardless of what's being eaten back Stateside, and under what circumstances it's eaten, I commit to being especially thankful right here and right now at my laptop, on this day of thanks and turkeys.
Bon Appétit everybody!
Petes and Houses
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 21 November 2006 at 11/21/2006 06:22:00 pm.
!
Pete sent me this picture of himself (ear thingys and microphone-thingy) which I threatened to post on the internet. Now I am going to follow through with that threat because just seeing it on screen makes me laugh so hard I nearly pee.
It's good to have friends who make you pee. Especially when they send funny pictures and emails that make you laugh so hard that peeing is the least of your worries.
I mean WHAT IS this guy's story?!!?!? (Cliché Virginia Jim Bob Guy, not Pete, obviously.) It's so damn funny I thought I'd nearly have to make up my own caption for it. I'm thinking something along the lines of "2000 Election Results Rise from the Dead" or something. I don't know. Just something about bumpkin republicans.
Houses? What was I gonna write about houses? I think I remember but I'll do it on the other blog maybe. It's more relevant over there. Basically what you can get in BW for what we're selling our house for here is ridiculous. Like outrageous, and ridiculous. And niiiiiiiice. heh heh.
Pete sent me this picture of himself (ear thingys and microphone-thingy) which I threatened to post on the internet. Now I am going to follow through with that threat because just seeing it on screen makes me laugh so hard I nearly pee.
It's good to have friends who make you pee. Especially when they send funny pictures and emails that make you laugh so hard that peeing is the least of your worries.
I mean WHAT IS this guy's story?!!?!? (Cliché Virginia Jim Bob Guy, not Pete, obviously.) It's so damn funny I thought I'd nearly have to make up my own caption for it. I'm thinking something along the lines of "2000 Election Results Rise from the Dead" or something. I don't know. Just something about bumpkin republicans.
Houses? What was I gonna write about houses? I think I remember but I'll do it on the other blog maybe. It's more relevant over there. Basically what you can get in BW for what we're selling our house for here is ridiculous. Like outrageous, and ridiculous. And niiiiiiiice. heh heh.
Today is a big day.
Martin arrives from NL in about an hour.... he'll be our last visitor at our house in Ireland! What a stinky honor!!!
:D
Also, the Mr. quits his job today. He's much more excited about doing it, than I was. Mostly because his boss is a wanker and he can't wait to see the look on his big fat stupid face when the axe falls!!! Of course the fact that Big Boss Man is a wanker also carries with it the burden that: he could be a royal prick for the next month, making my baby's life MISERABLE, if he so chooses. I've been through that before and can I just say it sucks royal ass.
AND the puppies get their last round of blood tests/shots/etc. today. Martin has the *other* big stinky honor of joining me for a trip to the vet with the 3 woofies. Heh heh, Mr. big bad posh Amsterdam urban dweller O/C neat freak Takes a Trip to the Vet. My what an interesting story that shall make! Where they piss on the receptionist's desk and all. Ho ho ho!
Soooooooooo, what else to do with Martin? Obviously going out, obviously showing a little bit of the area to him. It is his first trip to ireland and all. It'll be important this time 'round though, because it'll be our last EVERYTHING on the tourist trail.
The next visitors we'll have... will be half a world away.
Odds are, it'll probably be The Beth, no?
Martin arrives from NL in about an hour.... he'll be our last visitor at our house in Ireland! What a stinky honor!!!
:D
Also, the Mr. quits his job today. He's much more excited about doing it, than I was. Mostly because his boss is a wanker and he can't wait to see the look on his big fat stupid face when the axe falls!!! Of course the fact that Big Boss Man is a wanker also carries with it the burden that: he could be a royal prick for the next month, making my baby's life MISERABLE, if he so chooses. I've been through that before and can I just say it sucks royal ass.
AND the puppies get their last round of blood tests/shots/etc. today. Martin has the *other* big stinky honor of joining me for a trip to the vet with the 3 woofies. Heh heh, Mr. big bad posh Amsterdam urban dweller O/C neat freak Takes a Trip to the Vet. My what an interesting story that shall make! Where they piss on the receptionist's desk and all. Ho ho ho!
Soooooooooo, what else to do with Martin? Obviously going out, obviously showing a little bit of the area to him. It is his first trip to ireland and all. It'll be important this time 'round though, because it'll be our last EVERYTHING on the tourist trail.
The next visitors we'll have... will be half a world away.
Odds are, it'll probably be The Beth, no?
And the cloud lifts...
1 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 13 November 2006 at 11/13/2006 08:53:00 pm.
Can't believe how much better I feel after the silence has been broken.
Over a year of hiding secrets about our future now! Anyway, the quitting went fine, the boss begged me to reconsider, offered me whatever I want (nice!) and lamented. It was quite sweet actually. Nice to feel wanted.
But the telling of the friends was the kicker. I launched it at the chinese place at lunch time, and there was nothing short of a collective gasp. Nearly choked up a bit, but everyone's happy for us and promises to come visit.
Friday night went out to Cafe de la Paix for celebratory champagne cocktail and bottle of Murial Rioja, meeting Pádraig, PW, Kalvy, Vincey, & associated group of girls at An Bodhran. The boys got a little emotional but we kept it decent.
The saga with my knee continues. Still no sports, but may return to yoga in a couple weeks, as long as I promise to lay off poses like The Pigeon, jumping, etc. Slowly slowly. A word very unfamiliar to my vocabulary. AGH.
So far, sitting around has NOT been good to me.
But at least I'm walking a little bit less like a freak, and more like someone with just a minor limp.
And the visits to Tim the Physio are going well but painful. I don't know what kinda pain-happy guy he is, but no matter how much I scream in agony, he just keeps hurting me. The glorious part is after he STOPS hurting me and I feel so much better.
Sorry I just realized that makes Tim the Physio sound like a crackpot who doesn't know what he's doing. oh no, no, no, he KNOWS what he's doing... he's so good at it. It relieves the pain and it works. It just hurts while he's at it.
He jumped on top of me with his friggin ELBOW last night. He pummels every muscle in my leg. He rubs tendons that are UNDERNEATH my kneecap. YOWZA!!
But man is he good.
I miss walking the pups and the husband the most. Although it buys me an extra half hour of sleep every day.
I think I've gained a kilo so far, since the fateful accident. That is SO. Not. Cool. right before the big move. I know the big move is gonna cause me to eat like crazy and slack off on the exercise. I need to NOT exacerbate it before it even starts!
Drat!
Well anyway, yeah that's the big things. The rehab and the quitting and the slippery downhill slope to my new life. We've come to the top of the rollercoaster hill, we've hung there in the balance for a brief second, and any second now it's gonna be "Wahoooooooooooooooo!!!!........"all the way to December 24. wow.
Christmas party this year at The Ambassador. The Mr. and I are booked into the hotel for that night, as well as the next night. So my last 2 nights in Cork are going to be spent in a hotel. Kinda sad. Kinda weird. Oh well, at least we don't have to clean up with a hangover.
Over a year of hiding secrets about our future now! Anyway, the quitting went fine, the boss begged me to reconsider, offered me whatever I want (nice!) and lamented. It was quite sweet actually. Nice to feel wanted.
But the telling of the friends was the kicker. I launched it at the chinese place at lunch time, and there was nothing short of a collective gasp. Nearly choked up a bit, but everyone's happy for us and promises to come visit.
Friday night went out to Cafe de la Paix for celebratory champagne cocktail and bottle of Murial Rioja, meeting Pádraig, PW, Kalvy, Vincey, & associated group of girls at An Bodhran. The boys got a little emotional but we kept it decent.
The saga with my knee continues. Still no sports, but may return to yoga in a couple weeks, as long as I promise to lay off poses like The Pigeon, jumping, etc. Slowly slowly. A word very unfamiliar to my vocabulary. AGH.
So far, sitting around has NOT been good to me.
But at least I'm walking a little bit less like a freak, and more like someone with just a minor limp.
And the visits to Tim the Physio are going well but painful. I don't know what kinda pain-happy guy he is, but no matter how much I scream in agony, he just keeps hurting me. The glorious part is after he STOPS hurting me and I feel so much better.
Sorry I just realized that makes Tim the Physio sound like a crackpot who doesn't know what he's doing. oh no, no, no, he KNOWS what he's doing... he's so good at it. It relieves the pain and it works. It just hurts while he's at it.
He jumped on top of me with his friggin ELBOW last night. He pummels every muscle in my leg. He rubs tendons that are UNDERNEATH my kneecap. YOWZA!!
But man is he good.
I miss walking the pups and the husband the most. Although it buys me an extra half hour of sleep every day.
I think I've gained a kilo so far, since the fateful accident. That is SO. Not. Cool. right before the big move. I know the big move is gonna cause me to eat like crazy and slack off on the exercise. I need to NOT exacerbate it before it even starts!
Drat!
Well anyway, yeah that's the big things. The rehab and the quitting and the slippery downhill slope to my new life. We've come to the top of the rollercoaster hill, we've hung there in the balance for a brief second, and any second now it's gonna be "Wahoooooooooooooooo!!!!........"all the way to December 24. wow.
Christmas party this year at The Ambassador. The Mr. and I are booked into the hotel for that night, as well as the next night. So my last 2 nights in Cork are going to be spent in a hotel. Kinda sad. Kinda weird. Oh well, at least we don't have to clean up with a hangover.
I officially decided it today: Tomorrow I quit my job.
I am so very, very nervous.... How the *&%$! am I going to sleep tonight?
Wish me strength for walking into A's office and saying the right thing that (a.) doesn't make me look like an ass hole for leaving the section in the lurch; (b.) is easy enough to come up with to say, that I don't get a stomach ulcer before 10:30 a.m.
I know I shouldn't be nervous-- I haven't done anything wrong and I have a damn good excuse (how many people get to use "moving to Botswana" without actually lying?) but I know that when they interviewed me I made it sound like I was in Ireland "indefinitely", and now it's been 2 years and I bail. I do have some guilt there. Is that what's giving me the shakes?
I also know the workload that will subsequently fall on PW and others' heads because of me bailing. Guilt again.
There is one piece of gossip I picked up on the way out the door tonight at 5:30 though: Ciara handed in her notice today, and is leaving basically around the same timetable as me. Not that she even works in my section or anything, in fact, A probably won't have even heard the news by the time I break mine... but at least I won't be the only one. And Greg is leaving too, next week. Tis the season to be bailing... fa la la la laaa la la la la.
I guess my fear is seeing A. slap herself on the forehead and do the whole "NO! NO! NO!!! NOOOO!!!" thing. Which will make me feel soooooooo bad. And I'm not speaking as a raging egomaniac, I just know what kind of workload I'll be leaving behind. That's all. There's the guilt again.
Then there's the temptation to NOT tell the truth about why I'm leaving. All the potential reasons I could give:
"Hannes got transferred"
"I was head hunted"
"My Irish visa got cancelled"
Not a good idea. Not a Quality way to quit. Just another way to shift the real deal off my wuss bag conscience... destined to bite me in the ass at some point, somewhere. I know better than that. I'm going to be in touch with some of these people for a long long time to come, and . . . well, especially in Ireland: People Talk.
There's also the temptation to use my resignation as a platform to air a lot of petty grievances, a lot of "well I'm leaving because I hate it that _______" or "I hate working with _______" or "you really need to sort this shit out _______, I can't work here any longer". But why would I do that? It's tempting (bad Self! BAD!) but what good would that come to? It's not my job to crusade against the things I'm choosing to leave behind. It would only stir things up and what I WANT is to leave in peace... I mean, that's why I'm nervous, right? Because I don't want it to go bad, tomorrow! So what good would stirring up shit do? None! I really have to remember that. Because the TRUTH is that I like my job and even with those grievances, it's a decent place of which I have only minimal complaints. I just have a habit of fighting unnecessary battles and beating dead horses unnecessarily. (Dually noted, Self.)
Man I hope I've covered all the issues-- I'm just hoping that blogging them out into the open will bring some sort of peace of mind and soothing of the soul. I really REALLY don't want to be awake all night. Just gotta go through the motions of how to not feel like crap.
Mantra for the next 18 hours:
I'm not doing anything wrong or underhanded.
I'm not going to use my quitting as a bitching and blaming platform.
I'm going to tell the truth
and every thing's going to work out fine.
I think I'll do it after coffee break, around 11.
Then I owe it to PW to let him know first. God I hope no one else is hanging around our cubicle tomorrow, I want to do it somewhat quietly.
Then the boys and I will go to the Chinese restaurant for lunch at 1pm, and I'm going to tell them, then. Now THAT's going to be the hard part. For a different reason, of course.
I am so very, very nervous.... How the *&%$! am I going to sleep tonight?
Wish me strength for walking into A's office and saying the right thing that (a.) doesn't make me look like an ass hole for leaving the section in the lurch; (b.) is easy enough to come up with to say, that I don't get a stomach ulcer before 10:30 a.m.
I know I shouldn't be nervous-- I haven't done anything wrong and I have a damn good excuse (how many people get to use "moving to Botswana" without actually lying?) but I know that when they interviewed me I made it sound like I was in Ireland "indefinitely", and now it's been 2 years and I bail. I do have some guilt there. Is that what's giving me the shakes?
I also know the workload that will subsequently fall on PW and others' heads because of me bailing. Guilt again.
There is one piece of gossip I picked up on the way out the door tonight at 5:30 though: Ciara handed in her notice today, and is leaving basically around the same timetable as me. Not that she even works in my section or anything, in fact, A probably won't have even heard the news by the time I break mine... but at least I won't be the only one. And Greg is leaving too, next week. Tis the season to be bailing... fa la la la laaa la la la la.
I guess my fear is seeing A. slap herself on the forehead and do the whole "NO! NO! NO!!! NOOOO!!!" thing. Which will make me feel soooooooo bad. And I'm not speaking as a raging egomaniac, I just know what kind of workload I'll be leaving behind. That's all. There's the guilt again.
Then there's the temptation to NOT tell the truth about why I'm leaving. All the potential reasons I could give:
"Hannes got transferred"
"I was head hunted"
"My Irish visa got cancelled"
Not a good idea. Not a Quality way to quit. Just another way to shift the real deal off my wuss bag conscience... destined to bite me in the ass at some point, somewhere. I know better than that. I'm going to be in touch with some of these people for a long long time to come, and . . . well, especially in Ireland: People Talk.
There's also the temptation to use my resignation as a platform to air a lot of petty grievances, a lot of "well I'm leaving because I hate it that _______" or "I hate working with _______" or "you really need to sort this shit out _______, I can't work here any longer". But why would I do that? It's tempting (bad Self! BAD!) but what good would that come to? It's not my job to crusade against the things I'm choosing to leave behind. It would only stir things up and what I WANT is to leave in peace... I mean, that's why I'm nervous, right? Because I don't want it to go bad, tomorrow! So what good would stirring up shit do? None! I really have to remember that. Because the TRUTH is that I like my job and even with those grievances, it's a decent place of which I have only minimal complaints. I just have a habit of fighting unnecessary battles and beating dead horses unnecessarily. (Dually noted, Self.)
Man I hope I've covered all the issues-- I'm just hoping that blogging them out into the open will bring some sort of peace of mind and soothing of the soul. I really REALLY don't want to be awake all night. Just gotta go through the motions of how to not feel like crap.
Mantra for the next 18 hours:
I'm not doing anything wrong or underhanded.
I'm not going to use my quitting as a bitching and blaming platform.
I'm going to tell the truth
and every thing's going to work out fine.
I think I'll do it after coffee break, around 11.
Then I owe it to PW to let him know first. God I hope no one else is hanging around our cubicle tomorrow, I want to do it somewhat quietly.
Then the boys and I will go to the Chinese restaurant for lunch at 1pm, and I'm going to tell them, then. Now THAT's going to be the hard part. For a different reason, of course.
The cheer heard 'round the planet
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on at 11/09/2006 10:07:00 am.
oh. boy.
The answer is yes, you'd think the Dems had won an election in Ireland, in fact! I can't remember another mid-term election in my whole lifetime, but I'll always remember this one. They won't shut up about it in Europe. I love reading the articles. Some of my favourite bites from the last 48 hours:
"they hoped the Democratic takeover of the House of Representatives would force President Bush to adopt a more conciliatory approach to global crises, and teach a president many see as a “cowboy” a lesson in humility."
"Regardless of the effect on world events, global giddiness that Bush was finally handed a political black-eye was almost palpable."
That's better than I could ever say it.
OK now politics aside, why the hell am I so sad about the Spears-Federline divorce?
Seriously. I feel sad. And I don't understand why! I must be having a midlife crisis or something... I mean, I dislike that girl with the intensity of a thousand orgasms. I DESPISE all the attention these people get for no reason.... why should I give a toss, when the whole world knew it wouldn't work from the beginning? (not to mention I don't even know these people - duh!) Probably because I always root for the underdog I guess. And I never like anyone to give up without a fight, particularly when the opposing side is like 500 million people who worship the tabloids, and gossip columnists! It's sad. I mean they have like 2 babies and a few dogs or something. Who knows. I just feel bad about it. I thought that their matching Kountry-fried trashiness was kind of cute.
Speaking of celebrity divorces that annoy me, there's been a lot this year. Is that something new? Or have I only just been made aware of something I always ignored, by living in Ireland where Tabloid news makes the front page of our "real" newspapers and the first segments of our "real" radio/tv news? Maybe that's it? But here are the ones I've mourned recently. Seriously. I mourn for celebrity divorces. That is SO MESSED UP. I need to get the hell out of here!!!!!
1. Reese & Ryan. Man they were so cute & well-dressed. Always acted really mature & adored each other. Appeared to be "smart", allowing one to think they could actually make good decisions and solve problems. And looked like twins. gotta hate that.
2. Dave & Carmen. I had high hopes. Mostly because I liked how they just openly displayed their intensity and so on. OK the MTV wedding was overboard. But still... I believed the whole "til death do us part" campaign & the blood & passion & everything.
3. Nick & Jessica. Hate 'em. But believed that whole "wholesome mid-america christians who don't believe in divorce and grow old together" thing. Also another case of a matching couple. Well accessorised. Nice hair. Cute. Can I just say that I saw it coming though? I know I said I believed it, but I did see it coming. I blame "Dukes of Hazzard".
4. Heather Locklear & Richie Sambora. My favourite kind of no-hope volatile celebrity mix: the rock n roller + fashionable actress type. But their sheer longevity gave me hope and I'll always remember some interview like 10 years ago where HL said that RS wrote her a love letter per day since the day that they got married. Then he had a hand-made box commissioned for her, made out of the same wood as his guitar, that she keeps them all in. aw shucks. No really, I had hope, even when I knew the odds.
5. Kate & Chris. That one hurt. As per the above. First of all I love the Black Crowes, so yeah I'm biased. And I don't hate Kate. Again that whole "smart" thing coloured my vision, plus the fact she seems so earthy and negative-ego and I thought the typical celebrity curse of "greener pastures" thing wouldn't really plague her. (We all know it would never be CHRIS who would leave I mean come on!) So I approved of that one. Which is the main thing-- not that I ever really thought it was a sure-thing, but I was betting on this one to be the anomaly. Particularly because KH was known to be truly inspired by her mom's successful long-term commitment, and particularly because well, I didn't see her as another Yoko, infecting one of my generation's only really good rock bands. (they were defunct anyway)
OK there were others but I'm just so annoyed with myself right now that I'm going to stop at my Top 5. It's like a scab that you just keep picking.
Now if Chris Martin and Gwyneth break up I'm going to shoot myself in the face.
Mystery ghost email...
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 01 November 2006 at 11/01/2006 10:03:00 pm.
I don't know who sent me this email, but I had one with the name "someone" in the "From:" header, and "Watch this video" in the Subj:
I know, that's like the biggest red flag ever... it might as well had a blaring siren and flashing lights saying "DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!" on it. But I did anyway.
Well, whoever "someone" is, they sure know what I'm all about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bebLZfd1Ulc
If anyone watches this and doesn't go straight out to their nearest dog shelter for the homeless puppage, they aint human.
I know, that's like the biggest red flag ever... it might as well had a blaring siren and flashing lights saying "DO NOT OPEN THIS EMAIL!!!" on it. But I did anyway.
Well, whoever "someone" is, they sure know what I'm all about.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bebLZfd1Ulc
If anyone watches this and doesn't go straight out to their nearest dog shelter for the homeless puppage, they aint human.
