My Year of Meaningful (2011)

I had a decision to make: go camping this weekend with a big gang of our friends, or not.
It was really difficult. The reasons to go were numerous: Public holiday on Monday, so basically a weekend-long bender of drinking and camping and wildlife stalking with "the guys"... fresh air... hour after hour of fun & hilarity.... campfire food... etc, etc, etc
But the reasons not to go were few: Jéan's coming on tuesday and next week we were going to go camping with HIM in the same place... 2 trips back to back are kinda pushing it in the excitement-zone... for some reason we still feel like we just got back from the week from hell and still feel exhausted...

So anyway, logic and tiredness got the better of me and I voted to stay home for the weekend and prepare for Jéan's arrival AND........

the Mr. and I talked about it and we came up with an interesting plan for Saturday:

(big inhale...)

WE'RE GONNA GO TO RUSTENBURG (about an hour & a half over the border) ON SATURDAY AND GO SHOPPING!

AND TO THE CAPE FISH MARKET IN THE RUSTENBURG MALL FOR........
SUSHI!!!

SUSHI!!!

SUSHI!!!!

Not only will this be the first time in nearly 9 months that I get to go CLOTHES SHOPPING, but it will also make my belly so happy I might explode.

FISH MARKET!! FISH MARKET!! SUSHI!! SUSHI!! CLOTHES SHOPPING!! CLOTHES SHOPPING!!

I'm so excited that the whole camping -thing just totally escaped my mind.

And, if that hasn't made me happy in my pants enough...
my baby cousin brett, the "meandering" gypsy that he is, is making a plan to come stay with us for an extended period of time... yippee!

And, sundowners at the yacht club on the dam with Petra after work tonight.

Maybe there's no camping for me this weekend but I'm feeling damn chuffed with life, this fine friday.

I was thinking about this whole stupid "you are Austin" thing from a couple days ago... it's been so long since I even thought about Austin (except for during SXSW season, of course), and I know it's changed so much from last time I was there that I really don't feel like I know it from Yonkers at the moment. But when I'm bored and daydreaming sometimes I catch myself thinking about where I would ever live, should Africa blow up in turmoil or something, or I wake up to find myself and the Mr. deported someday. USA obviously always comes to mind given the fact that it would be... well, the easiest (I'm assuming if this ever happens I'll be old and lazy), and if I would live in TX I would be at least (1.) in close proximity to friends (2.) in major-sprawling-distances proximity to family! (3.) in close proximity to major international airports. These are actually my main 3 criterion for finding the right place for me.

Well it just so happened that within 48 hours of playing the "What american city are you?" game, I also bumped into a fun MSN article about the 10 most green cities in america and come to find out the silly game just so happens to know me pretty flippin' well!! Turns out, Austin is the most environmentally sensitive city in the USA! Man, I must be really consistent and predictable in what I like. Here's what it said about A-town:

The politics in Austin, Texas, home base of Whole Foods Market and Lance Armstrong (at least part of the year), have earned it the title of “the blueberry in the bowl of tomato soup.” But the city’s energy portfolio could make it known as the ray of sunshine in the field of oil pumps. If you want to sign up for green power from Austin Energy, possibly the greenest power grid in the country, you can get in line—this year’s demand was unpredictably high, and they’re fresh out. Austin’s growing list of proactive energy maneuvers is, to say the least, striking.

Not only does Austin lead the country in wind power and biodiesel production, but it has built advanced plug-in hybrid vehicles into its energy strategy.As part of the recently announced Austin Climate Protection Plan, all facilities, fleets and operations will be carbon-neutral by 2020, and 100 percent of city facilities will be powered by renewable energy by 2012. There will also be CO2 caps and reduction plans for all utility emissions, something the federal government hasn’t dared do.

According to Roger Duncan, Austin Energy’s deputy general manager, the city is ramping up to make both residential and commercial building codes the most energy-efficient in the nation, starting by making all new single-family homes “zero net-energy capable”—meaning they could produce as much energy as they use—by 2015, and increasing energy efficiency by 75 percent in all other new construction. The Clean Energy Incubator, sparked by the National Renewable Energy Lab and managed by the University of Texas at Austin, works closely with the power utility and serves as a test bed for budding startup companies to develop green technologies ranging from solar, biofuels and wind to Internet-controlled irrigation systems.

I really liked the part about the blueberry in the bowl of tomato soup! HA! It took me a minute to get that one, but hey, it was morning. Given that if TX was its own country it would be like, the 7th largest polluting nation in the world or something to that effect, I think Austin gets double points in my book for being double cool.

I'm sad about DC not making the list (sad, but not surprised) though, as it's probably the only other US city I've ever seriously considered as a minor possibility.

BLEHHHHHHHHHH! ! !
....yet strangely intriguing....

OK...

Firstly, apparently I am Austin.

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

This is good to know, as I was always asking myself "what american city am I!?" Now I can sleep well at night again.

Secondly, my buddy Steve (who still, like most of my friends back in Ireland, doesn't know about THIS blog) has a new blog, and I'm linking it to this one but he doesn't know HEEHEE. It's cool because he and M. are going to be leaving Ireland for good next month, to travel around europe and then come down here to stay with us for a spell in Botswana. We're going to drag them around for awhile before they go back home to Aus and embark upon the baby makin' and mortgage-gettin'. So since they're blogging in an effort to record their travels for their fam back in Sydney and our friends up in Ireland, I'm actually going to be starring in at least part of the bloggary, 'round about Oct/Nov!! ;-) Notwithstanding this, Steve is frickin HILARIOUS & I miss those guys so much it's nuts.

Third-ish, the Mr. wrote a lovely post encompassing the general crap from our last week that I left out, over on "the other blog". I love it when he writes stuff because he does it so well (particularly well, for his 3rd language) and he always manages to capture the stuff that I forget and would otherwise write so poorly. It means a lot to me that he puts effort into it and is pretty enthusiastic about the whole thing, which I know a lot of Mr.s would be totally turned off by. And I think his sweetness comes out in the way he writes, which I adore. :) What I can't believe is that he thinks he writes poorly and finds his writing totally "un-funny", as he puts it. Breaks my heart. I just love reading what he writes... I mean, if something were to happen to him and he'd get hit by a bus tomorrow, I swear I would never stop reading all that stuff because it's just so HIM and I would just weep all over my laptop.

(that's pronounced "AISH!" btw... it's southern african ghetto speak for "holy crap!" or "damn!" or "confound it!" or basically anything in the "yowza!" department. I keep forgetting it's not phonetic and doesn't really pack the same punch when blogged)

Anyway I have never been so happy to return "home" from anywhere in my whole life. Well except maybe that one Orchestra tour for U of Wyoming back in '94. But that's a whole 'nother story altogether involving redneck boyfriends, punch-ups, bible-banging host families, psycho pervert conductors and well... Nebraska. <>

It's not that the trip itself was bad or anything - just hella long and totally exhausting. We covered 2200 km in 6 days. We ate petrol station food and got totally dehydrated from lack of (drinkable) water.

The translator (Mr. Sechele - aka "Sech" - which also happens to be our current foster dog's name and sheds a bit of light on how he got that name, by the by) was actually great and a real character. A retired school teacher and headmaster, this guy was one smart cookie and had the best sense of humour I've ever encountered in a Motswana so far. I love him. But I was also glad as hell to kick him out of my truck in Serowe on Friday and be done with all that malarkey!

It was great bonding with our current work experience student that we dragged along, EM, all week. This is a guy I could really be good friends with. Totally hard working, unbelievably respectful, and completely grateful for the experience of actually working for us. HA! What a concept! Actually, living this long in this close of quarters with 2 Batswana gave me a lot better understanding of their culture and how they manage to raise up the most polite, respectful, honorable and intriguing group of people I've ever known. It gave me a lot of insight into the differences between how westerners raise their kids vs. africans, yielding a completely different type of adult. When I see and talk to EM, I'm totally stunned. I love that kid. If I were ever to have kids I would want his mother to give me classes or something. I have lots of theories...

Then there was R., my public consultation specialist and man that guy is brilliant but GOD was I even MORE glad to get his ass out of my truck at the end of the week!!! Talk about a cultural enigma - the essence of "colonial expat", he's like my dad's age, born in Uganda to really eccentric colonists, has lived in BW for over 30 years, married to a Motswana lady and thinks BW is the best country in the world, speaks like Prince Charles (even when speaking Setswana - which is good for a laugh), knows EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING and will not stop telling you EVERYTHING about all that he knows, and is the worst backseat-driver I've ever had to contend with. I'm exhausted even just thinking about R.

He's one of those guys who you'll greet in the morning asking if he had a good night and he'll greet you back with a 10-hour story about he KNOWS the best method for sleeping well because he is an EXPERT at everything. The story will go on for about 10 minutes, typically inclusive of a story about the one time when he was in _______ and how he almost didn't sleep well but he did _such-and-such_ and ended up succeeding in his endeavour and so on and so forth. But he'll never ask you how your night was. That's just how R. is.

My GOD it was a long week. Every day up and at 'em at 6am, working like asses til dark (6pm?) then filling our bellies with crap and passing out to do it all over again the next day. But yes, informative, good experience, full of interesting new people and personalities, and let's just say my love for Gabz-City is now bigger and more intense than ever before. Man we saw some serious shitholes. The award for biggest shithole ever goes to the town of Letlhakane. It's such a shithole my cellphone even got pinched there - and now some dude is holding it hostage for a hundred bucks from 6 hours away! Nice touch!

Thank god we found a decent lodge in Serowe, where we could stay for a couple of the nights. They had cold beers behind the bar and a pool table. A pool table that was missing the 9 ball and sat on top of some rocks at some whacky 3 degree angle with no chalk for the crooked cues, but hey, that's some serious entertainment when compared with the rest of the week we endured. Unfortunately, that was at the beginning of the week and so the nice part was out of the way quickly, leaving the crap part to finish the week on. That and the Mr. getting sick... weirdly enough on the same day that on the other side of the world in Houston, A.'s Mr. was getting the same kind of sickies! Amazing!

Driving at night in BW is NOT something you do if you can help it. All the livestock and donkeys on the road are murderous, as are the drunk drivers and road hogs on these little 2-lane strips. But both up and down, we got stuck doing it. I'll never ever remember thanking my lucky stars to be alive more than seeing the lights of Gabs on the skyline at 8pm on friday night as we came around the bend to home, on suicide highway. We kicked all the guys off at their various residences (which couldn't have been MORE spread out across the board and farther away from our place) and hit the chinese takeaway for some grub and were cashed out in bed by 10pm.

MAN what a week.

This weekend was full of relaxing, sleeping, bonding with the puppies, nursing the Mr. back to health, eating salad, watching movies, and generally groaning with exhaustion. We went to the Adventure Challenge multi-athalon -thingy yesterday to see all our friends compete, etc., and hardly made it through an hour of socialising before it just got too hard and we called it a day! Now THAT'S exhaustion.

Finally saw Babel & Little Miss Sunshine ... now can someone remind me why either of those movies got nominated for ANY awards, exactly? Let alone won?

This weekend should be ok, but it's all a run-up to this solid week of fieldwork that I have to do from Monday to Friday out in the middle of nowhere mining country BFE.

Tonight it's A's going-away party which we've assumed is going to be a yawner but gotta suck it up and go say goodbye before she ships off into the abyss (you always know the ones you're never gonna see again). Then tomorrow it's the double-whammy of
1. Botswana Zebras (national soccer team) vs. Mauritania (random country from north africa) game at the national stadium - our first time there!
2. the big rally race

then sunday it's lunch with the neighbours before we load up the rig & say good bye to Mary and the pups & head out of town to Serowe, for the first of our EIA consultations starting monday morning. I'm a little bit nervous, particularly since it'll be the first public consultation I've had to do here in BW, and we have a bit of a kerfuffle with our translator - primarily the fact I don't know him and will be meeting him for the first time about an hour before the meeting begins. I hate having to worry about stuff like this, especially when I know that there will be District Councillors and Ministers of Parliament and other important people there and what if this guy I rigged up to do translation is an old drunk or something?? Stranger things have happened out there in no-man's land.

these meetings are basically held in the "court" underneath a tree in the middle of the village in plastic chairs or on the ground and a lot of times no one shows up. But then in some villages the whole village might show up and start screaming at you.

we have 2 consultations that day, then a day of field work on tuesday, and more consultations from wednesday to friday. meeting after meeting after meeting. in the ever-so-NON-scenic wasteland of Botswana diamond mining country. bleh.

I'm thanking my lucky smarties that the Mr. is along for the whole thing (MAN it's great to work together sometimes!) because otherwise I would've hated this whole thing even more than I already do, but hey at least it's some time out of the office and out from the chains of the desk! ANd I know once I get the first one out of the way, the rest of the week will be just gravy. It's just the translation thing that's worrying me a little. Oh yeah, that and that we technically don't have anyone to translate for us on 2 of the later meetings (oops) so we're gonna have to drag someone ELSE I dont know in off the street.

AND I hope I dont get fat after a week of food on the road. Out there it could be a big greasy pot of goat or nothing!

back in a week....

I can officially heave a sigh of relief now, as it is official that I did *NOT* get accidentally knocked up a couple weeks ago by the Mr. and an uh, unfortunate "penile wardrobe malfunction". In what will surely be the highest degree of TMI on this blog EVER, I'm simply recording my unbelievable relief with a huge...
~Siiiiiigggghhhhh~

whew. that's better.

Is it completely retarded to celebrate one's monthly (pain-in-the-arse) visitor by swilling a 59Pula bottle of champagne with your loved one???

Too bad! it's official: bubbly goes really nicely together with popcorn on a Tuesday night.

Right, so now that I can breathe comfortably again for the first time in 3 weeks, other random stuff:
12 June was my grandparents' 60th anniversary. I made DAMN SURE I called the gma (a day early, oops!) to wish them a happy day, and sure enough, before 24 hours were up, my mother already knew that the phone call had been made, and sent me an email of thanks. So as assumed, I guess that whole mothers' day issue never happened, or what?

Gma sounded to be in pretty poor form. Something tells me she ain't happy or that the Gpa isn't doing well or something. Or it could be, in typical maternal-side-of-the-family tradition, that she's still shitty with me for not trying to reach them on mothers' day. That would be about right. While my gma has aged and mellowed, in comparison to my mother, and I like her just fine most of the time, all I'm gonna say is-- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and the mominator didn't just mutate out of a saint or anything.

This weekend was ace. Friday was laid back (I'm missing sundowners in winter though. It's been a couple weeks now that we've boycotted them on account of the fact that sundown is like, 5 minutes before we leave the office these days due to winter time). We watched a TERRIBLE movie with Julianne Moore called "Laws of Attraction". Absolutely SHOCKING! and the bit supposedly taking place in "Ireland" was so laughable I can only hope it didn't make it over there on the film trail.

Saturday was a hike up the mountain with Corine & Alice & 2 friends of theirs visiting from overseas (USA & NL), in the afternoon. At night was the Dutch Consulate Head's 40th anniversary cocktail party and we went and had a blast with everyone & it was the Mr's weekend to drive so I got to enjoy my red wine by the fire and babble on and on and on with Eva and Petra and it was just downright fabulous. Sunday we climbed the mountain again, this time with Petra, Eva, and her Mr. and brought Reilly & Billy along. This was after we went kayaking so I was feeling quite fit, finally. It was Billy's first time climbing that high and by the time we got back home, he was cashed out so hard I think he didn't move for a whole day after!

My new yoga class is great, it's definitely not as strenuous or "professional" as my beloved Sackies' class (DAMN I miss that class), and I probably won't improve that much in this one, but it's keeping my existing skills up and that's great. Also it's pretty laid back and there's a bit more chatter and informality about it which is nice. The venue is a lovely wellness centre with windows opening onto a beautiful, tranquil garden (not much good in the dark winter but surely great in summer) just off of the room where we practice. Plus I know a few of the girls in there already and Lucy the teacher is a sweetheart so it's just a really good vibe all around. Great stuff for a monday after work.

This weekend is the big local off-road rally and we're going to find a bit of a cool viewing point with P., maybe the re-fuelling stop or something, and cheer Bart on. This year he has to use a different navigator because P. (who navigated for him the last 2 years) wasn't up to it this year. Fair enough, it's a vicious race. Then sunday night we head up to Serowe for a week of work out in the middle of nowhere. woo hoo.

It's coffee time so I'm treating myself to a break & I'm caught up on all my emails so WOO HOO for me.

First of all I'm winning! I'm F***in' WINNING! Winning the battle against dry skin. Boy howdy this is the worst part of life in the desert... I have never had dry skin in my life, never ever ever!!!!! and now all of a sudden it's killin' me, man. I always used to be under the impression that I had oily skin, if anything. Now, not only have my hands been cracking like crazy, but the skin under my armpits is itching and flaking, and the skin around my waist is so dry that it hurts... literally painful skin. Especially since winter hit and there isn't a micron of humidity in the air, heaters are on, etc., my skin is like falling off my body here. I've always lived in humid climates. Except Wyoming. Totally not used to this crap.

So for a couple months now I've been trying everything. Lotions, moistureizers and all. Some even made the problem worse. I've been researching on the 'net, I've been chatting up pharmacists and my physio and whomever else might have the inside track, just trying to get some relief here. Finally I transferred all this effort into the whole holistic/natural approach, and I'll be damned if it aint working. For the last 3 weeks or so, I can actually touch my skin and it doesn't practically fall off. Here's my own self-engineered strategy to success:

1- less bathing (especially in winter. come on people in this day and age everyone's already over-soaped and over perfumed and over-scrubbed.) I'm on the wash-as-needed strategy now, after finding out that every time you shower or bathe, you scrub all the protective layer of skin oil off your body and your pores absorb all the synthetic soap and chemicals from whatever you're scrubbing yourself with. Not good for dry skin anyway. For the record, I dont stink.

2- bathing sanz soap. Found out that soap dries you out, and you get just as clean with a loofa and clean water.

3- bathing in tepid water. It aint luxurious but hot water draws the moisture out of your skin. This is the least enjoyable part of my new strategy in winter, but hey, it's one part of a plan that's working, dammit.

4- oil in the SHORT bath. Apparently long baths dry you out too. I'm putting some drips of almond oil (totally cheap when compared to baby oils and lotions) in the (non soapy) bathwater and that helps a lot.

4- air dry and oil immediately. This is a trick I learned living in not-quite-as-dry-as-BW-but-still-hella-dry-Wyoming. If your skin is still wet, the oil will act as a barrier and keep it in your tissue for a lot longer. But back in WY I was using baby oil which makes you slip around like a greased pig. Gets all over your clothes and shit too. Not cool. Thank god for Bio-oil . I discovered this crap on my own, as I purchased and tried out every single friggin bottle of oil in the natural pharmacy. It's great, and apparently people use it for stretch marks or something. All I know is that it's in my winning combo, so WTH. Plus it has no perfumes or chemicals. And cheap.

5- hand washing 50% less. OK I may be a child of the "germs will kill you dead you better wash your hands at least 10000 times a day" generation but! I have to thank my psycho parents for at least not being hand-washing nazis. I truly credit them with my kickass immune system which to this day pretty much rules, especially in flu and cold season when everyone else around me is dropping like flies. The thing is though, the older I've gotten, the more handwashing-freakish I've gotten. Not sure why, maybe just peer pressure or something... but all this superfolous soaping and hot-watering has turned my hands into flaky sandpaper and it's gross. Until the day I'm truly struck down by so-called GERMS (WTF are "germs" anyway? Unless I was too busy singing Eric Clapton songs and passing notes with SK during biology class, Im pretty sure there is no technical scientific definition of a "germ"), I dont care, I'm trying this technique and damn me if it aint working.

6- no heater in the car. (self explanatory) we're wearing coats and hats anyway so wtf.

7- ingesting coconut oil. More fatty acids are good for dry skin, they say. But I'm already struggling with my flabby belly so I found coconut oil to be a good natural source. It's twice as cheap as a bottle of lotion, and you can throw it in the morning smoothie. Again, maybe it's crazy but it's also known to keep hunger at bay too so even if it isn't responsible for my success, it's good 4u.

8- keeping true to the 2L of water a day thing. I've done this for a few years anyway so now that I'm in a seriously drying climate, I've just jacked it up a notch to nearly 3L per day. It's a serious piss-fest over here, I'm tellin you.

9- no more perfumey lotions. Apparently they don't even work to truly "moisturize" your skin, they just put a temporary creamy layer on top of it. Dry skin, apparently, happens from the inside out, so you need to get that moisture to stay on the inside, rather than try and smear it on the outside. That's why the oil is working better, because it keeps the natural moisture from dissipating, by sealing it in.

I can't think of anything else I'm doing but that seems to be the winning formula at the moment. I could also be full of shyte but all I know is that it doesn't hurt to wear a bra and with the exception of my hands (which were way far gone than any of my other skin parts), there's no more scaly flaky issues. Decent.

We're going to a play tonight. I love mid-week outings. woo hoo!

I don't see this post being very coherent so oh well. Stuff.

They blocked this blog (basically all web addresses of the blogger.com variety) from my old office internet filter so my bestest buddy the Podgey Pie can't read it at work anymore even during lunch! HAHA I'm laughing because it's the first time I've ever been "banned" from anything. But I mourn because now I have to send him all my photos via email. Poo! Balls! Balls of Poo!
F*ck the man!

Speaking of blocked and my old job, I forgot how much I enjoyed reading The Onion online b/c I haven't been able to what with it being one of the blocked "no-no" sites back there at the old place. I only *just* now remembered it and went for my first visit in about 3 years. Now that I am leading a filter-free internet surfing life here, I can read whatever the hell I want. So long as it doesnt involve downloading major media files or streaming.... retardo ADSL here....

Speaking of retardo-anything, I love the Mr. so so so so so much it's retarded. We had a rough patch a couple weeks ago, inclusive of the first time we ever went to bed without making up (boo hoo!) and I was so frustrated it was sick. But as these things sort themselves out (and they always do), it seems like he comes back even more adorable in my eyes and I see that most of the things that were giving us problems are things that he's trying to work out with me, not just fight about. Sometimes I overlook this. I married a guy who actually wants to talk things out when the going gets rough, and that's just the right way to do things. Sometimes my natural instinct is to go head-to-head, when what I should really be doing is remembering to be thankful for the fact that HE sees these things as an opportunity to do some relationship maintenance and uh, "upgrade", where we've backslid. That's life with a Libra for you, and DAMN I'm thankful for it, at the end of the day. I need to remember sometimes that I'm frickin blessed as hell, and that I also have a tendency to be asinine. To this date, I don't have one example of him being asinine. Ever. Reality check, girl. Reality check.

Not to mention right now it feels like we've tackled it and have pocketed the upgrade & I'm on cloud 9 in that department.

In other departments, however, I'm feeling a wee bit edgey. 30 May and 31 May have been a mental struggle for reasons I dont want to jinx by writing down or even thinking any more about.

31 May was my bro's birthday. I called him (shhhh! dont tell mom! she'll get jealous and all crazy and shit!) and that was really nice. It was the first time I got to talk to him (notwithstanding 5-minute intervals of drunk-dialling at 3am from his side) for more than 2 minutes, and we actually talked about some shit. Nothing big, but felt like we actually had a conversation for the first time since xmas 2005. Cool. Sometimes I still freak out when i think he's been out of high school for 10 years.

This weekend is supposed to be fun but a la the title of this post, I'm kinda "eehh" about it. Tonight we're supposed to go to F&L's house for their kid's bday party. See, I just can't get myself to get excited about any kid's bday party. Even though I know Petra will be there, probably Vince & K., and some of the other guys, I know there'll be a bonfire, I know there'll be red wine for us "grownups" (pa-shaw)... blah blah blah I just dont get excited about kiddie parties. Miserable cow AINT I.

Saturday, however, will be the freaky cool Indian Food Festival which I'm stoked about, and then at night it's M's bday and we're supposed to be going over there for dinner & then out on the town. My excite-o-meter is hovering somewhere around "Medium" for that one. Even though I KNOW it'll be kickass once we get there, I'm having a problem getting all up in the rocknroll realm about it. Not because I have anything better to do or anything else I'd much RATHER do, just because........ I dunno.

OH HELL YEAH come to think about it, maybe I do know. Maybe because when you're new in town you HAVE to say yes to everything, and I think that's a bit of a pain in the hole. You HAVE to meet new friends and get a new posse and you HAVE to GET OUT AND DO STUFF. OK this shouldn't be a problem considering I am a true get-out-n'-do typea' gal. But not having the freedom to choose is what's getting me. I mean, take the kiddie party for example:
When it comes to meeting new friends, you have to say yes. It's just a fact of life. If people only get to know you as "those 2 semi-interesting kids from who don't ever want to come out", then they stop inviting you. You stop getting face-to-face time with your new friends, and your friendship level stagnates or slips. True. So you just have to say yes. As me, this doesn't gel with my relatively libertarian personality. But on the other hand I'm a social creature and some unfavorable things just have to be done sometimes in order to get to the place where I'm happiest. which is basically: having cool people to hang out with, and being invited to do cool stuff with people you like. relationship building. that kinda stuff.

It has to be done. Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and say "HELL YEAH, kiddie party here I come!"

(still not excited but whatever)

oh yes, astoundingly enough, my dad answered my email from a few days ago. considering I'd feel just a wee bit guilty for reposting every word, just for posterity's sake, I'll record the highlights. Blue for dad again:

Your analysis of the the historical situation (ie the "vicious circle") is accurate. I have been a participant in that circle for 37 years. Can't say that I ever enjoyed the circle, did my fair share of grovelling, and certainly made any number of insincere apologies in order to get the boat back on course. Considering the other options, many of which were tried, appeasement has been the surest way to end the immediate feud and I've swallowed my pride countless times. In recent years I have found that one sincere apology, or acknowledgement of one's insensitivity, followed by a, "If you don't chose to accept this effort, that's your decision. Your unhappiness is in your hands now, because I have made an effort. I do not intend to beg for forgiveness. I do intend to learn from this situation so as to avoid making same mistake again." ..."I made a commitment on January 2, 1971 and I intend to stand by that commitment. Hell, I'm sure that she has more than once wished for another husband, only to come back to the reality that we're stuck with each other, might as well make the best out of it, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, etc. "

Nice! what a positive outlook on life in "Stuckhere&miserable-ville"! The long & short of it is, however, he wants me to dance and I aint dancin. Or as Monseuir Ice-to-tha-Cube would say "and I will NEVER dance for you trick-ass n*ggaz!" I mean, again with the insincere apology phenomenon! Amazing! The gist of the rest of the communication is "but even though I see where you're coming from, please call your mother and try and acquire forgiveness for my sake".

My gut feeling? "forgiveness for WHAT exactly?!", and "learn from WHAT!?" I didn't do any damn thing wrong other than quite possibly letting this ridiculousness continue to manifest itself in my life for 31 years now. guh! again, I aint dancin!