wet butt. Or, "the Altruism of Ablutions"
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 15 November 2005 at 11/15/2005 06:29:00 pm.
Grievance of the Day: Girls who "hover" when there's no damn need to "hover" and ruin it for the rest of us.
OK I totally accept that it is a fact of life that girls will "hover" over a toilet to piss, at a raunchy nightclub or pub, in an effort not to sit on anything dodgy. I accept it, it goes against my deep seeded faith in altruism, but I accept it. Other people are not altruistic, and I'm not Buddah myself.
BUT. Can I get a f' in witness to the fact that it is not necessary to ALWAYS hover???? I mean the LINE has to be drawn SOMEWHERE, right?!? Office toilet? I sit on it. Bleedin' hell, we have cleaning ladies there round the clock and I see them cleaning the toilets at least twice a day. AT LEAST. As if that wasnt enough, let's just say I sat on it my first 3 days of work at the place, and it was always dry.
Good enough for me.
Friends' homes' toilets? I sit on it. If you can't trust your friends to have a clean toilet seat WHY THE HELL be friends with them at this age and time of your life. Assuming, of course, that everyone out there is me. And as this is kind of like my own personal journal, I think that's fair....
(We are not college kids living in student housing anymore. That was my point of the above paragraph.)
Classy restaurant toilets? I sit on them. I pay a good buck for my food, and dammit at least let me believe that money goes to hiring the kind of staff who thoroughly clean the premisis. LET ME BELIEVE, DAMMIT.
McDonalds-type eating establishments? eeehhh, depends. Depends on what country they're in (yes, some contries have different "hover/not hover" etiquette), and what time of day it is, and even WHICH day it is...
Gas station toilets? Depends, again. But probably 9 out of 10 times, it's a no. HOWEVER, if the seat passes my "visible droplets" test, then I will at least give myself the luxury of putting down some TP and allowing myself the decency of sitting comfortably and restfully pissing my life and cares away.
Understandably, I guess, people feel the need to hover in a lot of different types of public toilets. But I do NOT consider the ones that *I* don't hover on, necessary for them to do so!! This really messes with my beliefs and karmic strategy for the universe. Here's where it gets all fecked up: I sit on someone else's "hover hole", and *I* get wet ass. This includes MY toilet and my OFFICE toilet and my CLIENTS' office toilets, and my favorite restaurants' toilets ETC.
My friends L & S were over friday night. We did the usal sit-round-the-table-and-drink-til-3 a.m. double-couple-thing. Then it happened. L broke the news to me that she ONLY sits down on her OWN TOILET. I was like: NO.
NO.
NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!!!!!
"Does this mean OTHER PEOPLES TOILETS TOO????"
yep.
"People that you KNOW???"
uh, yeah.
"People like US??????!?!?!"
(now I'm getting freaked out)
well, yeah. but i'm very clean and i don't spray and if i were to spray i would WIPE IT OFF WITH TOILET PAPER"
Oh HELL no!!!
Where I'm going with this, is: Whilst L. is like the loveliest gal in the whole world, I just can't believe that she doesnt spray. Doesnt spray. WHO THE HELL CAN HOVER AND NOT SPRAY!?!??! And the wipe it off with toilet paper theory? COME ON, man. AS IF.
1. as if that's hygenic
2. as if that ever works... hell, it just SMEARS. it's not GONE....
That is my TOILET, man. I SIT on it, and I trust that OTHER people sit on it and I don't want to sit on their SPRAY!! I mean, F*CK!! Where else is this happening to my poor, dry, hygenic ass???
*
*
*
---Interlude: banging. head... on.... DESKTOP...
*
*
*
So anyway I've probably gone on about this long enough but my point is that I'm ruined. My trust in womankind and toilets is ruined. I am obviously the only one out there playing by the proverbial karmic rules and altruism of ablutions.
WHY can people not just make a nice, soft, sweet, cushion of TP and SIT ON IT?!?!? Whyyyyyyy can we just not be GOOD to each other?
Come on, people, what the world needs now is LOVE. Sweet friggin sweet karmic dry-ass LOVE. And my butt wants to SIT on a dry toilet and I want to PEE. DAMN!
DAMMIT people, DAMMIT.
OK I totally accept that it is a fact of life that girls will "hover" over a toilet to piss, at a raunchy nightclub or pub, in an effort not to sit on anything dodgy. I accept it, it goes against my deep seeded faith in altruism, but I accept it. Other people are not altruistic, and I'm not Buddah myself.
BUT. Can I get a f' in witness to the fact that it is not necessary to ALWAYS hover???? I mean the LINE has to be drawn SOMEWHERE, right?!? Office toilet? I sit on it. Bleedin' hell, we have cleaning ladies there round the clock and I see them cleaning the toilets at least twice a day. AT LEAST. As if that wasnt enough, let's just say I sat on it my first 3 days of work at the place, and it was always dry.
Good enough for me.
Friends' homes' toilets? I sit on it. If you can't trust your friends to have a clean toilet seat WHY THE HELL be friends with them at this age and time of your life. Assuming, of course, that everyone out there is me. And as this is kind of like my own personal journal, I think that's fair....
(We are not college kids living in student housing anymore. That was my point of the above paragraph.)
Classy restaurant toilets? I sit on them. I pay a good buck for my food, and dammit at least let me believe that money goes to hiring the kind of staff who thoroughly clean the premisis. LET ME BELIEVE, DAMMIT.
McDonalds-type eating establishments? eeehhh, depends. Depends on what country they're in (yes, some contries have different "hover/not hover" etiquette), and what time of day it is, and even WHICH day it is...
Gas station toilets? Depends, again. But probably 9 out of 10 times, it's a no. HOWEVER, if the seat passes my "visible droplets" test, then I will at least give myself the luxury of putting down some TP and allowing myself the decency of sitting comfortably and restfully pissing my life and cares away.
Understandably, I guess, people feel the need to hover in a lot of different types of public toilets. But I do NOT consider the ones that *I* don't hover on, necessary for them to do so!! This really messes with my beliefs and karmic strategy for the universe. Here's where it gets all fecked up: I sit on someone else's "hover hole", and *I* get wet ass. This includes MY toilet and my OFFICE toilet and my CLIENTS' office toilets, and my favorite restaurants' toilets ETC.
My friends L & S were over friday night. We did the usal sit-round-the-table-and-drink-til-3 a.m. double-couple-thing. Then it happened. L broke the news to me that she ONLY sits down on her OWN TOILET. I was like: NO.
NO.
NOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo!!!!!
"Does this mean OTHER PEOPLES TOILETS TOO????"
yep.
"People that you KNOW???"
uh, yeah.
"People like US??????!?!?!"
(now I'm getting freaked out)
well, yeah. but i'm very clean and i don't spray and if i were to spray i would WIPE IT OFF WITH TOILET PAPER"
Oh HELL no!!!
Where I'm going with this, is: Whilst L. is like the loveliest gal in the whole world, I just can't believe that she doesnt spray. Doesnt spray. WHO THE HELL CAN HOVER AND NOT SPRAY!?!??! And the wipe it off with toilet paper theory? COME ON, man. AS IF.
1. as if that's hygenic
2. as if that ever works... hell, it just SMEARS. it's not GONE....
That is my TOILET, man. I SIT on it, and I trust that OTHER people sit on it and I don't want to sit on their SPRAY!! I mean, F*CK!! Where else is this happening to my poor, dry, hygenic ass???
*
*
*
---Interlude: banging. head... on.... DESKTOP...
*
*
*
So anyway I've probably gone on about this long enough but my point is that I'm ruined. My trust in womankind and toilets is ruined. I am obviously the only one out there playing by the proverbial karmic rules and altruism of ablutions.
WHY can people not just make a nice, soft, sweet, cushion of TP and SIT ON IT?!?!? Whyyyyyyy can we just not be GOOD to each other?
Come on, people, what the world needs now is LOVE. Sweet friggin sweet karmic dry-ass LOVE. And my butt wants to SIT on a dry toilet and I want to PEE. DAMN!
DAMMIT people, DAMMIT.
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