Still more reflection. . .
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 28 January 2006 at 1/28/2006 02:07:00 pm.
. . . It's been 3 weeks, and there's still things swirling and eventually settling in my head. From the christmas/new years holiday. When you get back there's just so much to take care of and catch up on, that it's like the mind-chaos is not totally over until you're well and truly back into your routine. THEN the important soundbytes and tidbits start to settle to the bottom, to be really looked at.
Like one thing I've been thinking a lot lately is about the sheer number of people I saw back home who have become parents since I left, and how that affects me. Or them. I suppose this is also fallout from the new "addition" of the niece - offspring on the mind.
There's 2 people in particular that I've been thinking a lot about, probably because they give me hope and make me proud. These 2 are old old old girlfriends of mine (not just from high school but from like, the BEGINNING of high school, even!) who've gone and done all sorts of cool stuff from since we kind of drifted away from teenagerdom. I got to hang out with 'em both in Missouri while we were back, plus meet their respective new offspring. One's got 2 and one's got 1 kid now.
What sticks out the most in my mind about visiting with my 2 chicas, was how they were both able to overwhelmingly be just that: normal girls. Not mommy-martyrs. It was great. I'll never forget how great it was to sit and drink beer OUT on the town, and talk about life and love and people and places and ups + downs with this one mamma, and it wasn't all like "oh let me tell you what Junior did last week" every 2 minutes, or "oh gush gush gush about my babies whatever" and "oh Junior #2 is so unbelievable because he poops in the potty". In fact, if my memories aren't too clouded by the Pale Ale, I might even go as far as to say that child-related chit-chat was kept to darn near 0%. I was over the moon. It says to me: there is hope. It says to me: my friends are COOL. It says to me: these are people who invited kids into their LIFE; who didn't EXCHANGE their life, for kids. It says:
Most of all, with these 2 gals in particular, I didn't feel like I was a "token" social component in their universes that revolved around something FAR more important than old friends from back in the old days. Hell, man, we had FUN. Like genuine, "they are still really fun" fun. I felt like I was still *someone*... worthy.
YES! Although this sounds a bit mel0dramatic, the truth is, I have mom-friends who (I know) only keep that one person or two in their social life after parenthood, for the sheer purpose of being able to say "look, see, I still DO have a social friend". Believe me, I tend to BE that token friend for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm always willing to go out for coffee, with anyone. WHo knows. These relationships normally involve intricately-scheduled outings, 1 time on a (intricately-scheduled) monthly basis for exactly 2 hours -or long enough to have 2 cappuccinos- to listen to the baby-update, to force a non-child-related conversation or MAYBE 2 out of each other, in order for mom to prove to anyone she talks to in the next week or so that "I still have a semi-life!". It's something then they can tell everyone "oh yeah, I still go out all the time, like, with jill or whatever" but they don't give a shit about what's going on in my life or anything, they still make 3 calls in 2 hours on the cellphone to grandma or whoever's watching the kid, their eyes are constantly on the clock, it's just..... GONE, and the awkwardness is just, AGH! (note to self: after typing, get rid of excess baggage!!!!)
Whatever. I found out this xmas that I still have 2 cool friends from way back who give moms a great name. One of 'em still drinks beer, wears rockstar boots, can talk about anything and everything under the sun, and will laugh and laugh and laugh with you all day about the same shit that you do. The other one of 'em is even dumping the kids at granny's for TWO WEEKS (with no hang-ups whatsoever!!) to come all the way over here and visit ME!
On a sepearate note: These 2 friends of mine couldn't be more different from each other, but they have 1 thing in common that I noticed. They both treat their spousal relationship as (it appeared to me, at least) something sacred. I know at least with one of 'em, we spent far more time talking (over our beers) about our "boys" than... well, her BOYS. And by the same token, the other one said something amazing to me: "as far as we see it, the husband and wife relationship is still the primary one. When we had the baby, we never intended to have our relationship with her overpower the one that we've spent so many years fine-tuning and making great." I was impressed.
The truth is out: it's possible. I'm feeling quite chuffed with myself for getting this shit sorted out in my head.
Plus I'm quite chuffed with (particularly 2 of) my mom-girlfriends back home. They are indeed fabulous. And inspirational.
Like one thing I've been thinking a lot lately is about the sheer number of people I saw back home who have become parents since I left, and how that affects me. Or them. I suppose this is also fallout from the new "addition" of the niece - offspring on the mind.
There's 2 people in particular that I've been thinking a lot about, probably because they give me hope and make me proud. These 2 are old old old girlfriends of mine (not just from high school but from like, the BEGINNING of high school, even!) who've gone and done all sorts of cool stuff from since we kind of drifted away from teenagerdom. I got to hang out with 'em both in Missouri while we were back, plus meet their respective new offspring. One's got 2 and one's got 1 kid now.
What sticks out the most in my mind about visiting with my 2 chicas, was how they were both able to overwhelmingly be just that: normal girls. Not mommy-martyrs. It was great. I'll never forget how great it was to sit and drink beer OUT on the town, and talk about life and love and people and places and ups + downs with this one mamma, and it wasn't all like "oh let me tell you what Junior did last week" every 2 minutes, or "oh gush gush gush about my babies whatever" and "oh Junior #2 is so unbelievable because he poops in the potty". In fact, if my memories aren't too clouded by the Pale Ale, I might even go as far as to say that child-related chit-chat was kept to darn near 0%. I was over the moon. It says to me: there is hope. It says to me: my friends are COOL. It says to me: these are people who invited kids into their LIFE; who didn't EXCHANGE their life, for kids. It says:
Most of all, with these 2 gals in particular, I didn't feel like I was a "token" social component in their universes that revolved around something FAR more important than old friends from back in the old days. Hell, man, we had FUN. Like genuine, "they are still really fun" fun. I felt like I was still *someone*... worthy.
YES! Although this sounds a bit mel0dramatic, the truth is, I have mom-friends who (I know) only keep that one person or two in their social life after parenthood, for the sheer purpose of being able to say "look, see, I still DO have a social friend". Believe me, I tend to BE that token friend for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm always willing to go out for coffee, with anyone. WHo knows. These relationships normally involve intricately-scheduled outings, 1 time on a (intricately-scheduled) monthly basis for exactly 2 hours -or long enough to have 2 cappuccinos- to listen to the baby-update, to force a non-child-related conversation or MAYBE 2 out of each other, in order for mom to prove to anyone she talks to in the next week or so that "I still have a semi-life!". It's something then they can tell everyone "oh yeah, I still go out all the time, like, with jill or whatever" but they don't give a shit about what's going on in my life or anything, they still make 3 calls in 2 hours on the cellphone to grandma or whoever's watching the kid, their eyes are constantly on the clock, it's just..... GONE, and the awkwardness is just, AGH! (note to self: after typing, get rid of excess baggage!!!!)
Whatever. I found out this xmas that I still have 2 cool friends from way back who give moms a great name. One of 'em still drinks beer, wears rockstar boots, can talk about anything and everything under the sun, and will laugh and laugh and laugh with you all day about the same shit that you do. The other one of 'em is even dumping the kids at granny's for TWO WEEKS (with no hang-ups whatsoever!!) to come all the way over here and visit ME!
On a sepearate note: These 2 friends of mine couldn't be more different from each other, but they have 1 thing in common that I noticed. They both treat their spousal relationship as (it appeared to me, at least) something sacred. I know at least with one of 'em, we spent far more time talking (over our beers) about our "boys" than... well, her BOYS. And by the same token, the other one said something amazing to me: "as far as we see it, the husband and wife relationship is still the primary one. When we had the baby, we never intended to have our relationship with her overpower the one that we've spent so many years fine-tuning and making great." I was impressed.
The truth is out: it's possible. I'm feeling quite chuffed with myself for getting this shit sorted out in my head.
Plus I'm quite chuffed with (particularly 2 of) my mom-girlfriends back home. They are indeed fabulous. And inspirational.
0 Responses to “Still more reflection. . .”
Post a Comment