BlarrrLDrerrrderrrlarrlarrr
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 26 February 2006 at 2/26/2006 02:36:00 pm.
MIL:
My confession for the day is that: I actually like my MIL. I know I feel this obligation (because they make me feel insecure) to dis on the whole family all the time, but the truth is, I would't mind if she were my mom. So much. I mean she'd still drive me nuts on occaision, but it would probably be a 200% improvement on what I DID grow up with.
When they were here last week, it was the first time I ever spent any time with just her (and the one SIL). Normally our time with them is spent on THEIR turf, with the whole fam-damnily (6 kids, 2 parents, a BIL's wife, and a live-in uncle). It's chaos, they're continually speaking Frisian, and Dad dominates the whole of EVERYTHING.
I always had a feeling in my gut that this woman is well and truly sound, probably because I know she's a fellow pisces. But really this sort of an environment is NOT the type of place you discover things about one another that really matter. And did I mention how loud and boisterous and flippant Dad is? Come on, let's face it, you make a lot of opinions about people based on association. What's the phrase? "Guilt by association", whatever. But I always saw Mom being calm, cool, and collected, and she does have a softness in her voice which is missing from the rest of their family (excl. my baby, of course).
(photo L-R: SIL Jacoba, H., MIL)
-Grew up in the same village, 2nd-oldest-of-6
-Had a few hippie-tendencies in youth, borderline-vegetarian
-Never wanted anything to do with farming
-Married DIL after 7 years of dating, at age 21 or so. (yep, that = 15 y.o.)
-Moved into the same farmhouse that FIL born in, on farm of his family (which they run)
-Had 6 kids: 5 at home, on the farm, in the bed
-Was back in action milking cows, feeding calves, etc, same day or next day
-Lost way too much blood with kid #5, nearly died, had to be FORCED into ambulance
-#6 born at age 41, in hospital, under much protest from MIL who hates hospitals
-Loves long hair, beards
-Goes to same church as grandma/grandpa bc doesnt want to upset the boat
-Goes to church where women have no rights to be pastor or vote on issues, must not cut hair, must wear hats.
-Believes shops/restaurants/etc. should not be open on sundays
-Blames allowing H. to go to Russia for a month in High School for his "downfall"
-Discouraged kids from playing sports for some reason. Likely "all necessary exercise can be got on the farm".
-Allows kids the choice of church/no church at age 18, doesnt hold decision against them regardless.
-Listens very well
-Knows that there are many fundemental differences between me+her eldest son, and her, and does not try to brainwash us out of them.
-Perfectly willing to talk about ANYTHING, even things that probably make her want to cry or get upset.
-As opposed to FIL, she does NOT bang fist on kitchen table when emphasizing a point, does NOT speak as if has all answers to every problem in the world, and does NOT speak at unneccessarily 10000-Decible levels when pontificating about every issue on the planet in a most know-it-all manner.
-Ideal MIL world: Construction of 6 mini-bungalows at 100m spacings from house on the farm, for each child and spouse to live in forever, with one big communal kitchen/bedroom/whatever for all 100 grandchildren and children to eat and sleep in together for the rest of eternity.
-Has the potential to be quite emotional, even sympathetic (for a Frisian)
Last weekend she was very patient and easy to be with, forgiving my rusty Dutch, trying to keep the Frisian to a minimum, listening to H's frustration at the state-of-relations between him and Dad, and assuring me that they DO like me. To keep this entry short, the jist of it is I do feel some sort of organic bond to this lady, and I believe if I ever am to feel any sort of comfort at their big, intimidating, clan-ish kitchen table in their world someday, it will be through my magnificent husband who is the most wonderful and sympathetic guy in the world, and her.
My confession for the day is that: I actually like my MIL. I know I feel this obligation (because they make me feel insecure) to dis on the whole family all the time, but the truth is, I would't mind if she were my mom. So much. I mean she'd still drive me nuts on occaision, but it would probably be a 200% improvement on what I DID grow up with.
When they were here last week, it was the first time I ever spent any time with just her (and the one SIL). Normally our time with them is spent on THEIR turf, with the whole fam-damnily (6 kids, 2 parents, a BIL's wife, and a live-in uncle). It's chaos, they're continually speaking Frisian, and Dad dominates the whole of EVERYTHING.
I always had a feeling in my gut that this woman is well and truly sound, probably because I know she's a fellow pisces. But really this sort of an environment is NOT the type of place you discover things about one another that really matter. And did I mention how loud and boisterous and flippant Dad is? Come on, let's face it, you make a lot of opinions about people based on association. What's the phrase? "Guilt by association", whatever. But I always saw Mom being calm, cool, and collected, and she does have a softness in her voice which is missing from the rest of their family (excl. my baby, of course).
(photo L-R: SIL Jacoba, H., MIL)
Here's the beef on MIL:
-Grew up in the same village, 2nd-oldest-of-6
-Had a few hippie-tendencies in youth, borderline-vegetarian
-Never wanted anything to do with farming
-Married DIL after 7 years of dating, at age 21 or so. (yep, that = 15 y.o.)
-Moved into the same farmhouse that FIL born in, on farm of his family (which they run)
-Had 6 kids: 5 at home, on the farm, in the bed
-Was back in action milking cows, feeding calves, etc, same day or next day
-Lost way too much blood with kid #5, nearly died, had to be FORCED into ambulance
-#6 born at age 41, in hospital, under much protest from MIL who hates hospitals
-Loves long hair, beards
-Goes to same church as grandma/grandpa bc doesnt want to upset the boat
-Goes to church where women have no rights to be pastor or vote on issues, must not cut hair, must wear hats.
-Believes shops/restaurants/etc. should not be open on sundays
-Blames allowing H. to go to Russia for a month in High School for his "downfall"
-Discouraged kids from playing sports for some reason. Likely "all necessary exercise can be got on the farm".
-Allows kids the choice of church/no church at age 18, doesnt hold decision against them regardless.
-Listens very well
-Knows that there are many fundemental differences between me+her eldest son, and her, and does not try to brainwash us out of them.
-Perfectly willing to talk about ANYTHING, even things that probably make her want to cry or get upset.
-As opposed to FIL, she does NOT bang fist on kitchen table when emphasizing a point, does NOT speak as if has all answers to every problem in the world, and does NOT speak at unneccessarily 10000-Decible levels when pontificating about every issue on the planet in a most know-it-all manner.
-Ideal MIL world: Construction of 6 mini-bungalows at 100m spacings from house on the farm, for each child and spouse to live in forever, with one big communal kitchen/bedroom/whatever for all 100 grandchildren and children to eat and sleep in together for the rest of eternity.
-Has the potential to be quite emotional, even sympathetic (for a Frisian)
Last weekend she was very patient and easy to be with, forgiving my rusty Dutch, trying to keep the Frisian to a minimum, listening to H's frustration at the state-of-relations between him and Dad, and assuring me that they DO like me. To keep this entry short, the jist of it is I do feel some sort of organic bond to this lady, and I believe if I ever am to feel any sort of comfort at their big, intimidating, clan-ish kitchen table in their world someday, it will be through my magnificent husband who is the most wonderful and sympathetic guy in the world, and her.
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