If it's one thing that suprised me about our trip to RO last week it's plain and simply this: I met 3 girls, 2 of whom are dating very important friends of mine, one of whom is "the sister", and I liked them.
I just..... ugh, have always had this bad.... no, Terrible habit of not liking girls. Mostly not liking ones that are in serious relationships with my very good friends. No. Wait. It's not me NOT liking girls... I do like girls. Especially my FRIENDS that are girls. It's that I have a very very acute 6th sense of perception. I'm the semi-clairvoyant who can sense the catty attitude & the fingernails that we women are predispositioned to have, and I can feel that THING that hangs in the air when girl-meets-(you)girl and in their mind they circle you like a protective mommy panther, sizing you up and making assumptions about you based on as little as the smell you give off. I just sometimes can't be BOTHERED going through that whole dance, so I tend to back off immediately and . . . whatever. I'm learning.
I was never this protective of my brother. But my brother was never protective of me. Yet M & D were always standing up for me and watching over me, at a time in my life when I needed it most. Man when they knew me back then, I was a bleedin' MESS. So of course I have very high standards for them. I have high standards for all my friends. I want them to be as happy as I am. And yet simultaneously I have this subconscious belief that there could never possibly be another Hannes-- male, or female. So I worry for the people I care about.
As I wrote yesterday, Dan's Bia is as wonderful as any girl could ever be. Meeting new girls normally = that THING hanging in the air until you've circled each other enough times to decide if IT will ever go away or not. Meeting Bia = experiencing an aura of acceptance, innocence, and completely untainted air between you. Meeting Martin's new gf (well if you can call 3 years "new") for the first time last week, was also bothering me, all the way to RO. Probably because I always felt like there was some reason that every time we were in Amsterdam, something would just come up at the last minute and she just wouldn't be available to meet us. I was skeptical.
Marjolien is also a lovely girl. I thought she would seem a lot younger and somehow more immature, but that isn't the case. That was just me overly-remembering the fact that they met when she was barely 21 - 4 years ago. (and knowing he's 29) Irrational me. Here are the rational facts: Martin really wanted to sing a song for Dan's wedding. Sure, it's not exactly Romanian tradition, and true, it would be weird & sappy, etc.. But he really wanted to, and yet had let his own self-conscious intoxicated state nearly talk him out of it, when the Reception & dancing came around. Being the gf who genuinely loves her bf, Marjolien supported him and nearly FORCED him to go through with it, telling us "He'll regret himself so much in the morning if he chickens out now". Sure enough, he pulled it off and Dan nearly wept with honour. Lesson learned: a supportive gf is a good gf. Even for my friend. I got to talk with her many times over the week, and each time she was so nice, genuinely nice.... asking us questions about our life, seeming genuinely interested and totally non-judgemental. And open. Sharing stuff with me after the initial "Thing" was overcome (in a matter of hours). Plus she agreed with me when I bossy-ly told Martin he should wear a suit instead of a tux, so as to not overdress the damn GROOM. Gotta love a girl who has a bit of dress-sense. But most importantly I saw a Dutch girl who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with her bf in public (now THAT'S a first, trust me), someone whom he really adores, and someone who (also) let my buddy go drinking with me and Dan and Hannes on the last night until the sun came up, while she opted to sleep before our 6am departure, with no complaints, no guilt trips, no ORDERS not to. With an air of confidence that said "I have no reason to not be happy that you're having fun with your estranged friends and I just happen to be tired... have a good time!" And that rocked my world. I mean chances are the next time we're ALL together could very easily be... 10 years? 20 years? NEVER?! She understood that, and it wasn't even a tiny bit "It's the Girlfriend Show!". I really dig that girl, I'll admit it. That was really cool.
Then there was Dan's sister, Ioana. (Say "Juana") I like this girl. Not to mention her name is the female of "Johannes", in Romanian. ;-) Now that's quality! I have to admit having never even so much as thought about her before. Only in the sense that (a) she existed and (b) she had possession of the family dog at her/her husband's apartment back when he was still alive, while Dan and I were in South Africa. Ioana was so fantastic I nearly had this spooky sensation that we were long lost relatives. Cousins maybe? Sisters? Surely not! That's cheese-tastic. But really. Every word out of her mouth could've been mine (if I had really bad english and a thick romanian accent), and we found ourselves sharing extremely frank opinions on things that were personal enough that I normally have to know someone for a good few years before I openly share. It's weird what wine, Jack Daniels, and a wedding environment will do to you. The thing we most strongly shared was our similarity in our role as sisters - of our own individual brothers, and of Dan. I really do sense that now I understand a lot of the looks I got from Dan when we were hanging out together so comfortably in South Africa all those days. I even understand what he meant when I something would come out of my mouth and he would shake his head and laugh subtly, muttering something about his sister back home. It all makes sense now. I also understand all those times he was extra protective of me and nearly broke his back trying to look out for me. Even when I was a stubborn, fired-up, over-the top, violent freak of nature. It all makes sense now that I know Ioana.
So here it is. In one of my few, very few sappy "I am woman, loving other women" moments, my tribute to 3 new girls in my extended family, that I really do like: Above all, they're good to my friends.
I just..... ugh, have always had this bad.... no, Terrible habit of not liking girls. Mostly not liking ones that are in serious relationships with my very good friends. No. Wait. It's not me NOT liking girls... I do like girls. Especially my FRIENDS that are girls. It's that I have a very very acute 6th sense of perception. I'm the semi-clairvoyant who can sense the catty attitude & the fingernails that we women are predispositioned to have, and I can feel that THING that hangs in the air when girl-meets-(you)girl and in their mind they circle you like a protective mommy panther, sizing you up and making assumptions about you based on as little as the smell you give off. I just sometimes can't be BOTHERED going through that whole dance, so I tend to back off immediately and . . . whatever. I'm learning.
I was never this protective of my brother. But my brother was never protective of me. Yet M & D were always standing up for me and watching over me, at a time in my life when I needed it most. Man when they knew me back then, I was a bleedin' MESS. So of course I have very high standards for them. I have high standards for all my friends. I want them to be as happy as I am. And yet simultaneously I have this subconscious belief that there could never possibly be another Hannes-- male, or female. So I worry for the people I care about.
As I wrote yesterday, Dan's Bia is as wonderful as any girl could ever be. Meeting new girls normally = that THING hanging in the air until you've circled each other enough times to decide if IT will ever go away or not. Meeting Bia = experiencing an aura of acceptance, innocence, and completely untainted air between you. Meeting Martin's new gf (well if you can call 3 years "new") for the first time last week, was also bothering me, all the way to RO. Probably because I always felt like there was some reason that every time we were in Amsterdam, something would just come up at the last minute and she just wouldn't be available to meet us. I was skeptical.
Marjolien is also a lovely girl. I thought she would seem a lot younger and somehow more immature, but that isn't the case. That was just me overly-remembering the fact that they met when she was barely 21 - 4 years ago. (and knowing he's 29) Irrational me. Here are the rational facts: Martin really wanted to sing a song for Dan's wedding. Sure, it's not exactly Romanian tradition, and true, it would be weird & sappy, etc.. But he really wanted to, and yet had let his own self-conscious intoxicated state nearly talk him out of it, when the Reception & dancing came around. Being the gf who genuinely loves her bf, Marjolien supported him and nearly FORCED him to go through with it, telling us "He'll regret himself so much in the morning if he chickens out now". Sure enough, he pulled it off and Dan nearly wept with honour. Lesson learned: a supportive gf is a good gf. Even for my friend. I got to talk with her many times over the week, and each time she was so nice, genuinely nice.... asking us questions about our life, seeming genuinely interested and totally non-judgemental. And open. Sharing stuff with me after the initial "Thing" was overcome (in a matter of hours). Plus she agreed with me when I bossy-ly told Martin he should wear a suit instead of a tux, so as to not overdress the damn GROOM. Gotta love a girl who has a bit of dress-sense. But most importantly I saw a Dutch girl who wasn't afraid to be affectionate with her bf in public (now THAT'S a first, trust me), someone whom he really adores, and someone who (also) let my buddy go drinking with me and Dan and Hannes on the last night until the sun came up, while she opted to sleep before our 6am departure, with no complaints, no guilt trips, no ORDERS not to. With an air of confidence that said "I have no reason to not be happy that you're having fun with your estranged friends and I just happen to be tired... have a good time!" And that rocked my world. I mean chances are the next time we're ALL together could very easily be... 10 years? 20 years? NEVER?! She understood that, and it wasn't even a tiny bit "It's the Girlfriend Show!". I really dig that girl, I'll admit it. That was really cool.
Then there was Dan's sister, Ioana. (Say "Juana") I like this girl. Not to mention her name is the female of "Johannes", in Romanian. ;-) Now that's quality! I have to admit having never even so much as thought about her before. Only in the sense that (a) she existed and (b) she had possession of the family dog at her/her husband's apartment back when he was still alive, while Dan and I were in South Africa. Ioana was so fantastic I nearly had this spooky sensation that we were long lost relatives. Cousins maybe? Sisters? Surely not! That's cheese-tastic. But really. Every word out of her mouth could've been mine (if I had really bad english and a thick romanian accent), and we found ourselves sharing extremely frank opinions on things that were personal enough that I normally have to know someone for a good few years before I openly share. It's weird what wine, Jack Daniels, and a wedding environment will do to you. The thing we most strongly shared was our similarity in our role as sisters - of our own individual brothers, and of Dan. I really do sense that now I understand a lot of the looks I got from Dan when we were hanging out together so comfortably in South Africa all those days. I even understand what he meant when I something would come out of my mouth and he would shake his head and laugh subtly, muttering something about his sister back home. It all makes sense now. I also understand all those times he was extra protective of me and nearly broke his back trying to look out for me. Even when I was a stubborn, fired-up, over-the top, violent freak of nature. It all makes sense now that I know Ioana.
So here it is. In one of my few, very few sappy "I am woman, loving other women" moments, my tribute to 3 new girls in my extended family, that I really do like: Above all, they're good to my friends.
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