All this talk of Karma....
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 02 March 2007 at 3/02/2007 03:14:00 pm.
. . . and self pity!
It always seems like things when are going REALLY REALLY badly I just try to justify it somehow.
Most of the time I just chalk it up to all the wrongs I've done and the universe's vengance on me.
I've been droning on and droning on about how many unjustices we've been put through with regards to a stupid container. I only realize now just how MUCH unneccessary value and time and effort and stress I put into something so lame and stupid. I was really under the impression that the universe REALLY hated me more than usual.
I even got my friends thinking like this... Pádraig wrote me an email recently trying to theorize and make me feel better in a language that he thought I'd better understand:
"Sorry to hear of the wrath that the universe has so unfairly inflicted upon you. I'm sure that before long the Universe will realise that it has the wrong JW and then normal service will be resumed. On the plus side, I would reckon that having to unjustly deal with this whole debacle through an administrative error in the Universe's Retribution Department has actually earned you some Karma. I'm not fully up on the internal workings of the Retribution Department but I'm sure that if you apply for a Karma credit at the end of the Karma year, your Karma account will be credited and that will, no doubt, lead to much happier times ahead for the wonderful W's."
He's such a gem. And it made me laugh, but I was not comforted and I still felt like someone, somewhere, was having a go at us because of all my sins of the past. I told him: "i just know i'm a bad person because i do bad things. and therefore i'm not surprised when bad things happen to me. which is why i've always been such a believer in karma (even before the great Pádraig comiseration of '07) it seems like the most obvious of explanations for everything that happens to me"
and as he always has the precious way of doing, he managed to snap me back into reality, jerk me out of my pity party, and off we went.
"I guess its whatever works for you. Personally, I dont believe in karma or luck. I find it hard to believe that those children I see on the tv every night with bloated bellies, and flies incessantly landing on their faces could have done something bad enough to warrant starvation, or that those poor women in tribes in the forests forced to suffer genital mutilation at the hands of rebels could have committed some wrong doing bad enough to warrant that kind of torture. I know of volunteers who have gotten mugged and kidnapped while trying to help those in need.
I believe that shit just happens, that people are fundamentally good natured and that where there is a will there is a way. In my very limited life experience, it seems to me that all that matters in life is friendship and kindness to as many people as you can meet. Cos shit will eventually happen to you, and when it does you are going to need people to help you out of it."
Well now I'm back down on earth (it doesnt hurt that we actually do have our worldly possessions FINALLY, now. The money troubles and about 7 other random things of note, are still looming but really what does it matter anyway, it's just money) and trying to pay more attention to the taste sensations of eating chakalaka, having great friends of GREAT wisdom who slap me in the face with reality when needed(!) and watching the sun set than to all the wrongs that I was obsessing over. I also realize that I dutifully did not blog about how obnoxiously wallow-y and wishy washy I've been over the last week, but maybe that's good. Because it's not worth dramatizing more than necessary. And that would've been giving all the bad vibes too much attention.
But anyway, the amazing, positive, and unbelievably brilliant focus of the day is:
I've been married 5 years today and that's one part of my life that I can never complain about. It also makes me realize how good I really do have it. I LOVE this guy I got hitched to. MAN I'm friggin lucky! Life dramas or no life dramas, I realize I'm on top of the world, just thinking about the Mr. and how amazing he really is as a soul.
And if I thought that the universe hated me for some stupid reason in my past, well then I can only realize just how wrong I am now, given the fact that I have the best husband anyone could ever wish for and a relationship that is by far the best possession I ever had, worldy or cosmically or otherwise.
It always seems like things when are going REALLY REALLY badly I just try to justify it somehow.
Most of the time I just chalk it up to all the wrongs I've done and the universe's vengance on me.
I've been droning on and droning on about how many unjustices we've been put through with regards to a stupid container. I only realize now just how MUCH unneccessary value and time and effort and stress I put into something so lame and stupid. I was really under the impression that the universe REALLY hated me more than usual.
I even got my friends thinking like this... Pádraig wrote me an email recently trying to theorize and make me feel better in a language that he thought I'd better understand:
"Sorry to hear of the wrath that the universe has so unfairly inflicted upon you. I'm sure that before long the Universe will realise that it has the wrong JW and then normal service will be resumed. On the plus side, I would reckon that having to unjustly deal with this whole debacle through an administrative error in the Universe's Retribution Department has actually earned you some Karma. I'm not fully up on the internal workings of the Retribution Department but I'm sure that if you apply for a Karma credit at the end of the Karma year, your Karma account will be credited and that will, no doubt, lead to much happier times ahead for the wonderful W's."
He's such a gem. And it made me laugh, but I was not comforted and I still felt like someone, somewhere, was having a go at us because of all my sins of the past. I told him: "i just know i'm a bad person because i do bad things. and therefore i'm not surprised when bad things happen to me. which is why i've always been such a believer in karma (even before the great Pádraig comiseration of '07) it seems like the most obvious of explanations for everything that happens to me"
and as he always has the precious way of doing, he managed to snap me back into reality, jerk me out of my pity party, and off we went.
"I guess its whatever works for you. Personally, I dont believe in karma or luck. I find it hard to believe that those children I see on the tv every night with bloated bellies, and flies incessantly landing on their faces could have done something bad enough to warrant starvation, or that those poor women in tribes in the forests forced to suffer genital mutilation at the hands of rebels could have committed some wrong doing bad enough to warrant that kind of torture. I know of volunteers who have gotten mugged and kidnapped while trying to help those in need.
I believe that shit just happens, that people are fundamentally good natured and that where there is a will there is a way. In my very limited life experience, it seems to me that all that matters in life is friendship and kindness to as many people as you can meet. Cos shit will eventually happen to you, and when it does you are going to need people to help you out of it."
Well now I'm back down on earth (it doesnt hurt that we actually do have our worldly possessions FINALLY, now. The money troubles and about 7 other random things of note, are still looming but really what does it matter anyway, it's just money) and trying to pay more attention to the taste sensations of eating chakalaka, having great friends of GREAT wisdom who slap me in the face with reality when needed(!) and watching the sun set than to all the wrongs that I was obsessing over. I also realize that I dutifully did not blog about how obnoxiously wallow-y and wishy washy I've been over the last week, but maybe that's good. Because it's not worth dramatizing more than necessary. And that would've been giving all the bad vibes too much attention.
But anyway, the amazing, positive, and unbelievably brilliant focus of the day is:
I've been married 5 years today and that's one part of my life that I can never complain about. It also makes me realize how good I really do have it. I LOVE this guy I got hitched to. MAN I'm friggin lucky! Life dramas or no life dramas, I realize I'm on top of the world, just thinking about the Mr. and how amazing he really is as a soul.
And if I thought that the universe hated me for some stupid reason in my past, well then I can only realize just how wrong I am now, given the fact that I have the best husband anyone could ever wish for and a relationship that is by far the best possession I ever had, worldy or cosmically or otherwise.
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