As Random as Possible (but actually... not)
1 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 19 July 2007 at 7/19/2007 08:55:00 am.
As it stands, my grand scheme for a future 2 posts "of well-thought-out content" started today. I put like, a few sentences into a draft. Which means in the interim I can still write stream-of-consciousness CRAP until at least one of them is finished. Whew. It's going to be as random a collection of crap as humanly possible. Starting with........
....I called one of my best friends in the world, #1, on the phone yesterday for her bday. Our maid of honour in my wedding, my Wyoming sanity... the one that was always mistaken as my sister (except that would have made our "mother" retarded given that we have the same name. Derrrrrrrrr)
The freaky thing is that: for the first time since we met, we've let A YEAR AND A HALF slip between phone calls, letters, emails, all communications whatsoever. DOH! It wasnt due to a falling out or any weird vibe between us or anything like that. But the year before we left ireland she had her first baby and that kept her attention (as always) and I was planning a major life move and we're both just genuinely scatterbrained, busy people who aren't really that much into phone calls during a good year, yet alone an overly busy one. Regardless, we usually manage to squeeze in at least 5 or 6 solid hour-long talks on the phone per year. Just not the last one.
The good thing is that: as usual, it's like no time has passed between our last conversation. That'll be the way it is between us forever. That's why your best friends are who they are, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc. I have a lot of friends like that and I consider myself blessed for this reason.
The F*CKING BIZARRE THING IS: In that down time between our last communication, she went and had an entire pregnancy and damn well had a whole 'nother baby!!!! I'm not freaked out about the baby part, as I always knew she wanted another one, but the fact that it's HER and it's not just that she's pregnant but she's actually HAD said baby and baby is over a month old... well that's just crazy!!
However, while I'm sure it would cause some people to question the depth of the actual friendship, to be honest that never even crossed my mind. I'm just mind boggled because I can't believe where 9 months of the gestation period has gone! Have we been "dark" for that long? Really? I know our friendship is what it is and time zones (Wyoming being probably THE MOST inconvenient time zone to try and do phone calls from Botswana with) just make normal friendship maintenance-thing a wee bit more complicated. That and the fact that #1 isn't a computer person (she's a working mother teacher) so there's no IM or emails or blogs to follow, for that matter. Our "thing" since we got separated by distance was always the phone. And she didn't even have my number here. And I got distracted. It just all got a little crazy there for about 18 months.
In other baby-related mumbo-jumbo (DAMMIT! i wanted this to be RANDOM!), I read an article that I really enjoyed today on msn as usual. I'm always an advocate for the childless woman, so of course I had to read this. OK it shares a lot of my own personal feelings, especially here in BW where culture dictates that if you don't have a kid or 2 by age 25 you're actually considered "irresponsible" and "destructive to society". But it wasn't THAT part of it that I really enjoyed (I'm actually quite enjoying the baby twins next door at the moment, so I'm not at the peak of my typical anti-babyness believe it or not). It was reading the PSYCHO comments at the end of the article where baby people vs. anti-baby-people go head to head dissing each other and slinging all kinds of personal attacks at one another about life choices, like sheer dickheads!! It was downright comical how mothers and non-mothers can actually just act like complete savages (dare I say "children") on this particular platform (article comments), each trying to defend themselves (why??!), as if this article was written about THEM, PERSONALLY, by lashing out at each other like total eejots!! DISCLAIMER: your own personal blogs are for unbridled lashing out. Not MSN article comments. IMHO. That's why we blog, isnt it. I mean, I really enjoy discussing this topic with level-headed mommy friends of mine on a normal day... I think it's a subject that gets tiptoed around all too easily, and dialogue is important (is that diplomacy I hear?) but this.... THIS is just madness! At first I was shocked, then I just laughed. Do people not have anything else to do???
(says the girl with the blog.... HAHA)
And in yet another incredible feat of non-randomness, I have to segue into something I've been thinking about ever since mi bella A. wrote a wee paragraph in one of her blogs last week about this whole Angelina Jolie-empathy-thing. Sometimes I give myself too much credit for thinking that I've considered things from all angles. Everyone knows I don't plan on having a kid until I'm good and ready (if that's even an option). So I purposefully try to troubleshoot the world of baby-havin' as thoroughly as possible. The concept of Empathy in child-rearing is something I never even considered. And how could I have not? I live in a country where 99% of children think that a "toy" is bits and pieces of wire and discarded aluminum cans fashioned together to make a "car" that they drag around by a piece of twine. There's no shelves, cupboards, etc to keep toys neatly stacked away in a bedroom... b/c there's no bedroom... hell, in most houses there is just... "room"! Nearly every child I will pass in public on a day to day basis will grow up thinking that a "dinner" means cornmeal-based porridge EVERY NIGHT and (if they're lucky) some sort of goat or other un-refrigerated meat. They're happy, smiling, positive, lovely children who go to BW public schools (one room, 75 kids, often no desks or chairs) and will get good educations from said BW public schools and have no more or less of a life than any of us privileged types. If anything I think they're happier and have the most amazing imaginations ever.
That said, I think of the OCEANS of empathy that people POUR out of their souls for our western kids and "hardships" that range from "oh but the poor thing doesnt LIKE broccoli" to "he'd just be devastated if I had to put him in time-out again".
I realize that the last paragraph is boarderline-mixing "empathy" and "sympathy"-- but I do know what it means (Not to be confused with compassion)... Actually, in one of Angelina's famous comments (cuz I googled it) she used the phrase "feel for"... whatever kid vs. whatever kid. So yeah, Empathy. It's all of a sudden turned into a very curious word for me. I even had this discussion with S-H next door (while holding one of the babies, naturally) and we ruminated over it for a long time (I dont think she ever considered it either). Side note: of course I got the whole "oh hell, at the end of the day you'll understand when....." DOH! I said "ok, maybe you're right... but will I EMPATHIZE!!!??? that is the question!!" heh heh heh
as usual, this post has gotten WAY too long.
....I called one of my best friends in the world, #1, on the phone yesterday for her bday. Our maid of honour in my wedding, my Wyoming sanity... the one that was always mistaken as my sister (except that would have made our "mother" retarded given that we have the same name. Derrrrrrrrr)
The freaky thing is that: for the first time since we met, we've let A YEAR AND A HALF slip between phone calls, letters, emails, all communications whatsoever. DOH! It wasnt due to a falling out or any weird vibe between us or anything like that. But the year before we left ireland she had her first baby and that kept her attention (as always) and I was planning a major life move and we're both just genuinely scatterbrained, busy people who aren't really that much into phone calls during a good year, yet alone an overly busy one. Regardless, we usually manage to squeeze in at least 5 or 6 solid hour-long talks on the phone per year. Just not the last one.
The good thing is that: as usual, it's like no time has passed between our last conversation. That'll be the way it is between us forever. That's why your best friends are who they are, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc. I have a lot of friends like that and I consider myself blessed for this reason.
The F*CKING BIZARRE THING IS: In that down time between our last communication, she went and had an entire pregnancy and damn well had a whole 'nother baby!!!! I'm not freaked out about the baby part, as I always knew she wanted another one, but the fact that it's HER and it's not just that she's pregnant but she's actually HAD said baby and baby is over a month old... well that's just crazy!!
However, while I'm sure it would cause some people to question the depth of the actual friendship, to be honest that never even crossed my mind. I'm just mind boggled because I can't believe where 9 months of the gestation period has gone! Have we been "dark" for that long? Really? I know our friendship is what it is and time zones (Wyoming being probably THE MOST inconvenient time zone to try and do phone calls from Botswana with) just make normal friendship maintenance-thing a wee bit more complicated. That and the fact that #1 isn't a computer person (she's a working mother teacher) so there's no IM or emails or blogs to follow, for that matter. Our "thing" since we got separated by distance was always the phone. And she didn't even have my number here. And I got distracted. It just all got a little crazy there for about 18 months.
In other baby-related mumbo-jumbo (DAMMIT! i wanted this to be RANDOM!), I read an article that I really enjoyed today on msn as usual. I'm always an advocate for the childless woman, so of course I had to read this. OK it shares a lot of my own personal feelings, especially here in BW where culture dictates that if you don't have a kid or 2 by age 25 you're actually considered "irresponsible" and "destructive to society". But it wasn't THAT part of it that I really enjoyed (I'm actually quite enjoying the baby twins next door at the moment, so I'm not at the peak of my typical anti-babyness believe it or not). It was reading the PSYCHO comments at the end of the article where baby people vs. anti-baby-people go head to head dissing each other and slinging all kinds of personal attacks at one another about life choices, like sheer dickheads!! It was downright comical how mothers and non-mothers can actually just act like complete savages (dare I say "children") on this particular platform (article comments), each trying to defend themselves (why??!), as if this article was written about THEM, PERSONALLY, by lashing out at each other like total eejots!! DISCLAIMER: your own personal blogs are for unbridled lashing out. Not MSN article comments. IMHO. That's why we blog, isnt it. I mean, I really enjoy discussing this topic with level-headed mommy friends of mine on a normal day... I think it's a subject that gets tiptoed around all too easily, and dialogue is important (is that diplomacy I hear?) but this.... THIS is just madness! At first I was shocked, then I just laughed. Do people not have anything else to do???
(says the girl with the blog.... HAHA)
And in yet another incredible feat of non-randomness, I have to segue into something I've been thinking about ever since mi bella A. wrote a wee paragraph in one of her blogs last week about this whole Angelina Jolie-empathy-thing. Sometimes I give myself too much credit for thinking that I've considered things from all angles. Everyone knows I don't plan on having a kid until I'm good and ready (if that's even an option). So I purposefully try to troubleshoot the world of baby-havin' as thoroughly as possible. The concept of Empathy in child-rearing is something I never even considered. And how could I have not? I live in a country where 99% of children think that a "toy" is bits and pieces of wire and discarded aluminum cans fashioned together to make a "car" that they drag around by a piece of twine. There's no shelves, cupboards, etc to keep toys neatly stacked away in a bedroom... b/c there's no bedroom... hell, in most houses there is just... "room"! Nearly every child I will pass in public on a day to day basis will grow up thinking that a "dinner" means cornmeal-based porridge EVERY NIGHT and (if they're lucky) some sort of goat or other un-refrigerated meat. They're happy, smiling, positive, lovely children who go to BW public schools (one room, 75 kids, often no desks or chairs) and will get good educations from said BW public schools and have no more or less of a life than any of us privileged types. If anything I think they're happier and have the most amazing imaginations ever.
That said, I think of the OCEANS of empathy that people POUR out of their souls for our western kids and "hardships" that range from "oh but the poor thing doesnt LIKE broccoli" to "he'd just be devastated if I had to put him in time-out again".
I realize that the last paragraph is boarderline-mixing "empathy" and "sympathy"-- but I do know what it means (Not to be confused with compassion)... Actually, in one of Angelina's famous comments (cuz I googled it) she used the phrase "feel for"... whatever kid vs. whatever kid. So yeah, Empathy. It's all of a sudden turned into a very curious word for me. I even had this discussion with S-H next door (while holding one of the babies, naturally) and we ruminated over it for a long time (I dont think she ever considered it either). Side note: of course I got the whole "oh hell, at the end of the day you'll understand when....." DOH! I said "ok, maybe you're right... but will I EMPATHIZE!!!??? that is the question!!" heh heh heh
as usual, this post has gotten WAY too long.
Great post! You and I will figure out this whole grown-up/womanhood/motherhood/life thing together. Luv ya