I was filling out one of those silly MySpace surveys at break time, and one of the questions was about "biggest regret".
So now I'm feeling really old because I realize I've become one of those pretentious "ancient sage" (BARF!) types who now says things like "I don't regret anything because everything that didn't kill me has made me grow stronger" and blaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Yeah ok some pretentious clichés are actually quite accurate and true. But still even just THINKING them makes me feel old. Granny-like. For instance: When you're young, you regret all sorts of things that get you in trouble and get you grounded or make you embarrassed in front of your friends or.... whatever. You just regret a lot. You stab yourself in the face repeatedly and go: "oh my GAWWWD!! I'll give up all my telephone privileges for the next year if I can just PLEEEASE go back in time and NOT DO THAT!!!" Now as I'm older, I can think of a whole list of "worst things that ever happened to me", and I realize that if those things hadn't happened, I might not be who I am today. And yet another sign of age: I am pretty satisfied with where I am today.
HOW OLD IS THAT $%&!?!?!?!?
So I played this little game with myself for all of 45 seconds or whatever and thought about (some of) the worst things that I could possibly think of that happened or that I did, and lo and behold nearly all of them somehow turned out to be quality experiences for the "bigger picture" (again I say GAG!) in one way or another. Well ok, they were totally shit when they happened, but again - here I sit, happy with the experience under my belt and skeptical if I'd ever be the same person otherwise.
e.g.
Bad: Getting arrested and thrown in jail
Good: Learning not to drink & drive; learning what jail is like; learning what going to court is all about; experiencing what it's like to hold down 3 jobs at once during college in order to pay my fines and get out of said predicament WITHOUT telling or getting any help from mommy and daddy = priceless. (not to mention the practicality of being forced to drive *really* safely for 6 months ((probably the only 6 months I ever "drove safely")) so as not to get pulled over until I could move overseas and get an aussie drivers license since they took away my Missouri one, which was actually nearly expired and now I'm valid til 2017!!! brilliant!)
Bad: Cheating on all those guys
Good: Becoming worldly wise; learning the tricks of the trade and what "red flags" are in a relationship, first-hand; Figuring out that lying will always land you in the shit; Experiencing what it's like to be evil and learning how much it hurts people; Preventing me from ever becoming really emotionally committed to guys that were never going to be "the one" (even preventing a potential bad marriage, yikes!); Being able to really KNOW, 100%, when the right one came along; Learning the experience of getting busted; Experiencing karma in the flesh when it all came back to me and actually understanding it. = priceless.
Bad: Falling in love with CT, the guy who ripped my heart into a million pieces
Good: No surprises here, you just can not POSSIBLY go through life and consider yourself having lived it to the fullest without knowing what a broken heart feels like. Full stop. Not to mention it gave me the experience of becoming an expert snowmobiler, a fun holiday to the mountains, a cool whirlwind romance with a hot Italian, and knowledge of what it's like to date a cop (?!?!) Oh yes, and getting my shit back together and working through a good solid era of mourning, + coming out smarter because of it all = priceless.
Bad: All those lies and fights and crises with the parents
Good: Oh don't even get me started - not only can I spot a liar from 1000 billion miles away, if I ever become a parent I've got VOLUMES of guidence to work with from the "WHAT NOT TO DO" library.
I could go on and on for days... nearly drowning, nearly fatally crashing my car in Iowa when nobody knew where I was, skipping classes, dating whatever-low-quality boyfriend, substance abuse, all of it. I can somehow see where it all has taken me, in some way or another.
I guess this is the fine line that parents tread isn't it. Like "is my kid smart enough to learn from experiencing regrettable stuff, or will it royally mess him up/kill him?" "should we let him out in the big bad world to fuck up, or should we keep him locked up in the house just in case?" hmmm. I guess now I just have to be thankful that my upbringing made me smart enough to not get killed or mentally messed up one way or another.
Oh yeah so I had to succumb to the fact that the only "biggest regret" I could come up with (finally) was a 1-night-stand with some dickhead who was just really low quality and 100% meaningless to my life whatsoever. I could have totally done without that one. And I'm not saying that it was the 1-night-stand part that was totally worthless... it was just that it was with him, he was totally stupid and I knew better but I just didn't give a crap at the time. So there's something.
So now I'm feeling really old because I realize I've become one of those pretentious "ancient sage" (BARF!) types who now says things like "I don't regret anything because everything that didn't kill me has made me grow stronger" and blaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Yeah ok some pretentious clichés are actually quite accurate and true. But still even just THINKING them makes me feel old. Granny-like. For instance: When you're young, you regret all sorts of things that get you in trouble and get you grounded or make you embarrassed in front of your friends or.... whatever. You just regret a lot. You stab yourself in the face repeatedly and go: "oh my GAWWWD!! I'll give up all my telephone privileges for the next year if I can just PLEEEASE go back in time and NOT DO THAT!!!" Now as I'm older, I can think of a whole list of "worst things that ever happened to me", and I realize that if those things hadn't happened, I might not be who I am today. And yet another sign of age: I am pretty satisfied with where I am today.
HOW OLD IS THAT $%&!?!?!?!?
So I played this little game with myself for all of 45 seconds or whatever and thought about (some of) the worst things that I could possibly think of that happened or that I did, and lo and behold nearly all of them somehow turned out to be quality experiences for the "bigger picture" (again I say GAG!) in one way or another. Well ok, they were totally shit when they happened, but again - here I sit, happy with the experience under my belt and skeptical if I'd ever be the same person otherwise.
e.g.
Bad: Getting arrested and thrown in jail
Good: Learning not to drink & drive; learning what jail is like; learning what going to court is all about; experiencing what it's like to hold down 3 jobs at once during college in order to pay my fines and get out of said predicament WITHOUT telling or getting any help from mommy and daddy = priceless. (not to mention the practicality of being forced to drive *really* safely for 6 months ((probably the only 6 months I ever "drove safely")) so as not to get pulled over until I could move overseas and get an aussie drivers license since they took away my Missouri one, which was actually nearly expired and now I'm valid til 2017!!! brilliant!)
Bad: Cheating on all those guys
Good: Becoming worldly wise; learning the tricks of the trade and what "red flags" are in a relationship, first-hand; Figuring out that lying will always land you in the shit; Experiencing what it's like to be evil and learning how much it hurts people; Preventing me from ever becoming really emotionally committed to guys that were never going to be "the one" (even preventing a potential bad marriage, yikes!); Being able to really KNOW, 100%, when the right one came along; Learning the experience of getting busted; Experiencing karma in the flesh when it all came back to me and actually understanding it. = priceless.
Bad: Falling in love with CT, the guy who ripped my heart into a million pieces
Good: No surprises here, you just can not POSSIBLY go through life and consider yourself having lived it to the fullest without knowing what a broken heart feels like. Full stop. Not to mention it gave me the experience of becoming an expert snowmobiler, a fun holiday to the mountains, a cool whirlwind romance with a hot Italian, and knowledge of what it's like to date a cop (?!?!) Oh yes, and getting my shit back together and working through a good solid era of mourning, + coming out smarter because of it all = priceless.
Bad: All those lies and fights and crises with the parents
Good: Oh don't even get me started - not only can I spot a liar from 1000 billion miles away, if I ever become a parent I've got VOLUMES of guidence to work with from the "WHAT NOT TO DO" library.
I could go on and on for days... nearly drowning, nearly fatally crashing my car in Iowa when nobody knew where I was, skipping classes, dating whatever-low-quality boyfriend, substance abuse, all of it. I can somehow see where it all has taken me, in some way or another.
I guess this is the fine line that parents tread isn't it. Like "is my kid smart enough to learn from experiencing regrettable stuff, or will it royally mess him up/kill him?" "should we let him out in the big bad world to fuck up, or should we keep him locked up in the house just in case?" hmmm. I guess now I just have to be thankful that my upbringing made me smart enough to not get killed or mentally messed up one way or another.
Oh yeah so I had to succumb to the fact that the only "biggest regret" I could come up with (finally) was a 1-night-stand with some dickhead who was just really low quality and 100% meaningless to my life whatsoever. I could have totally done without that one. And I'm not saying that it was the 1-night-stand part that was totally worthless... it was just that it was with him, he was totally stupid and I knew better but I just didn't give a crap at the time. So there's something.
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