I was singing "Dreamville" by Tom Petty all night last night, and little did I know that it was going to send me into a totally bizarre dream sequence once I went to bed.
(well I just have to assume it was due to that, as I haven't had very vivid dreams lately for some reason, and then all of a sudden I did!)
I have to write it all down because I just have this unbelievable urge to be thinking it over in my mind all day today.
OK yeah right so anyway the setting is at some church. Some church where people are sitting in chairs in front of the chancel, in 2 rows going front to back, about 6 chairs deep. Yeah that means there was only about 12 people/chairs. But anyway!
A familiar face is there, sitting in a chair farthest from me, but since there's only 2 rows of 6, we're quite close in proximity. It's my old and dear friend D. from High School. And he is totally ignoring my presence, which hurts me deeply in my dream, but without even having to analyse it, in my dream I know straight away why he's doing it - the chick he's married to. The wife is nowhere to be found in the dream (makes sense, I don't even know her and I only know maybe 3 things about her, through the grapevine). But still in my dream I'm desperate to get his attention because I REEEALLY want to talk to him. And in real life too, he's like the one old friend that I would really like to make some sort of re-connection with more than anyone else, as we haven't seen each other since... 1997 or something?
At any rate, the next segment of this dream is taken up with me like, clearing my throat, tapping my foot really loudly, or otherwise trying to get his attention without disrupting the church service, to no avail. And the idea I'm getting is that it's not that he doesn't know I'm there, it's that he's choosing to ignore me. Dammit! Anyway, that part goes on for a really long time, building up a real sense of anxiety and leaving me clearly upset.
Move on to the next segment: I'm in some sort of shop (book store?), and I get the idea it's close in proximity to the church. At this stage I think I've resigned myself to never getting a chance to talk to D. again, particularly given the fact that I know he lives in Florida now (in real life and in my dream), and if it didn't work in the church, it's because that's how he wants it - me, nonexistant, forever. So anyway I'm browsing away and in he walks, much to my surprise. He comes over and acknowledges the fact that he was purposefully ignoring me but he couldn't shake the guilt and knows it was the wrong thing to do and that he should at least explain himself.... and lo and behold it's a combination of reasons why, but yeah, one of them is because he's married now. ??? I decide now's my chance just to get it all out and apologize for a few things that happened between us that were my fault, way back when, and simultaneously let him know that he was such a great friend to me that I just didn't want to think that it would never be possible for us to at least keep in touch as friends and that I really hate feeling like there's a big fat brick universe between us now in our adulthood. Really, he was an extremely, extremely important & huge factor in my life way back when on a variety of levels, it's just a cryin' shame altogether.
It appears that my eloquent powers of emotional persuasion are breaking him down, and he's leaning towards accepting my bid at plutonic friendship, when all of a sudden I see sheer terror in his eyes as he looks out the door, into the street. I look and notice it's his wife (!) who I have never even seen, but in my dream I knew it was her, storming down the sidewalk with a murderous look in her eyes. In my dream, I know she knows he's there, and somehow I even know that she knows *I'M* there, and that we're having a conversation. Well, I can't remember the details (damn! should've written this down this morning!) but all of a sudden there was a big scramble and D. bolts, and I'm left confused and perplexed and totally clueless, yet my subconscious knows "he's scared shitless of that girl!!" And at the same time the jealous territorial chick in me sympathizes with her and I think I just accepted it, feeling better anyway that I got out SOME of what I wanted to say.
The 3rd part of the dream comes when later, somehow I had found D. again, because we're back in the same church (I'm thinking it was his dad's church, and I'm thinking I went back because I knew he would be there and I was (a) curious to see if his wife had given him a black eye, and (b) I wanted to at least finish the conversation). This time I find him there (no wife) and he's cradling something... wrapped up in a bundle. But before I find out what it is, we're back into talking about stuff and he's basically telling me that it's hard for him to have friends nowadays and that his life has changed so dramatically from when we were friends and so on and so forth... and then he's like "also, there's this...." and he unwraps the bundle and its...
A CONJOINED TWIN(s?) !! joined at the head. WOAH. I also have a pretty bad freakout threshold when it comes to conjoined babies. This is not good.
I can't remember the details then, but this stirrs up all sorts of weirdness and the dream ends with me being really upset for a range of reasons, and basically he tells me that because of our past, his wife will never go for this whole friendship thing, even though we live on different parts of the globe. That was about it. I woke up pretty devistated and hella freaked out in general.
But it was such a vivid dream! I love those!
Breaking it down:
I can see the relationship between D. and the church location... his dad was/is a minister, so even though I wouldn't classify him as being all that bible-bangy, I do sometimes associate him with churchy stuff. In fact, in the dream I have this gut feeling it actually was his dad's church, back in good ole J-town (which I'd never been to before, nor was it anywhere near downtown nor a bookstore). The whole semi-familiar bookstore thing makes me think that as well. In fact if I dig waaaay back into my dream-memory I'm thinking his big ol' dad may have even made a cameo appearance in this one, actually.
I can see the whole D-ignoring-me thing clear as day - I mean at times it was *that* kind of relationship that we had, so the fact that in my dream I was thinking about him being married now, would indeed bring up feelings of that whole "conflict of interest" nature. Whenever I think about my exes, the ones that are married now in particular, I remember this old conversation I used to have with my ex (R). He used to say "I dont mind having friends that are girls and all, but as soon as they get hitched - hell no, I'm not gettin' anywhere NEAR some other guy's wife!!" A subject I've personally wavered back and forth in my opinion on at least 3 times in the last 15 years. But anyway!
I also attribute my desperation to get his attention into feelings of guilt and discomfort that I have sometimes when I think of him. Not anything I did wrong, per se, but those teenage years are especially full of manipulation and game playing and relationship drama, and of course we had all of that a'plenty. ALSO, and here's the kicker - I harbour a LOT of guilt related to my ex (R) that I know I'll never get off my chest with him (as he is on another continent and doesn't talk to me anymore) even though in sort of a 12-step-kinda way I have this deep-rooted need to someday say "hey I'm really sorry for A-Z, I was stupid and young and... well, stupid". And sometimes I think my subconscious channels that huge burdon of guilt into my feelings toward other exes and was this time materializing in my dream-feelings towards D. No? Maybe? I think so.
D. always worked in a bookstore when we were in HS and College.
Conjoined twins freak me out, and I was just thinking about birth defects the day before for some odd reason, so that's why that was in there, I reckon.
What else? I can't think of any other interpretation but it all seems to make pretty good sense: I had been listening to Tom Petty all evening and back in the days when Tom was my no. 1 man, well, those were also the days of D, so a lot of time he's resurrected in my memory when I hear that kinda music. The end.
And just because for the last 18 hours I have had this song in my head... a complimentary singalong:
"Goin' down to Lillian's music store
To buy a black diamond string
Gonna wind it up on my guitar
Gonna make that silver sing
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
In Dreamville
I keep wakin' up all by myself
With a bluejay in my brain
Flappin' his wings, makin' me sing
It was just about to rain
Like it was Dreamville
Where I was born
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
In Dreamville
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the trees were green
In Dreamville
Ridin' with my mamma
To Glen Springs Pool
The water was cold
My lips were blue
There was rock and roll
Across the dial
When I think of her
It makes me smile
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
In Dreamville, in Dreamville
Yeah it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
In Dreamville, in Dreamville..."
(well I just have to assume it was due to that, as I haven't had very vivid dreams lately for some reason, and then all of a sudden I did!)
I have to write it all down because I just have this unbelievable urge to be thinking it over in my mind all day today.
OK yeah right so anyway the setting is at some church. Some church where people are sitting in chairs in front of the chancel, in 2 rows going front to back, about 6 chairs deep. Yeah that means there was only about 12 people/chairs. But anyway!
A familiar face is there, sitting in a chair farthest from me, but since there's only 2 rows of 6, we're quite close in proximity. It's my old and dear friend D. from High School. And he is totally ignoring my presence, which hurts me deeply in my dream, but without even having to analyse it, in my dream I know straight away why he's doing it - the chick he's married to. The wife is nowhere to be found in the dream (makes sense, I don't even know her and I only know maybe 3 things about her, through the grapevine). But still in my dream I'm desperate to get his attention because I REEEALLY want to talk to him. And in real life too, he's like the one old friend that I would really like to make some sort of re-connection with more than anyone else, as we haven't seen each other since... 1997 or something?
At any rate, the next segment of this dream is taken up with me like, clearing my throat, tapping my foot really loudly, or otherwise trying to get his attention without disrupting the church service, to no avail. And the idea I'm getting is that it's not that he doesn't know I'm there, it's that he's choosing to ignore me. Dammit! Anyway, that part goes on for a really long time, building up a real sense of anxiety and leaving me clearly upset.
Move on to the next segment: I'm in some sort of shop (book store?), and I get the idea it's close in proximity to the church. At this stage I think I've resigned myself to never getting a chance to talk to D. again, particularly given the fact that I know he lives in Florida now (in real life and in my dream), and if it didn't work in the church, it's because that's how he wants it - me, nonexistant, forever. So anyway I'm browsing away and in he walks, much to my surprise. He comes over and acknowledges the fact that he was purposefully ignoring me but he couldn't shake the guilt and knows it was the wrong thing to do and that he should at least explain himself.... and lo and behold it's a combination of reasons why, but yeah, one of them is because he's married now. ??? I decide now's my chance just to get it all out and apologize for a few things that happened between us that were my fault, way back when, and simultaneously let him know that he was such a great friend to me that I just didn't want to think that it would never be possible for us to at least keep in touch as friends and that I really hate feeling like there's a big fat brick universe between us now in our adulthood. Really, he was an extremely, extremely important & huge factor in my life way back when on a variety of levels, it's just a cryin' shame altogether.
It appears that my eloquent powers of emotional persuasion are breaking him down, and he's leaning towards accepting my bid at plutonic friendship, when all of a sudden I see sheer terror in his eyes as he looks out the door, into the street. I look and notice it's his wife (!) who I have never even seen, but in my dream I knew it was her, storming down the sidewalk with a murderous look in her eyes. In my dream, I know she knows he's there, and somehow I even know that she knows *I'M* there, and that we're having a conversation. Well, I can't remember the details (damn! should've written this down this morning!) but all of a sudden there was a big scramble and D. bolts, and I'm left confused and perplexed and totally clueless, yet my subconscious knows "he's scared shitless of that girl!!" And at the same time the jealous territorial chick in me sympathizes with her and I think I just accepted it, feeling better anyway that I got out SOME of what I wanted to say.
The 3rd part of the dream comes when later, somehow I had found D. again, because we're back in the same church (I'm thinking it was his dad's church, and I'm thinking I went back because I knew he would be there and I was (a) curious to see if his wife had given him a black eye, and (b) I wanted to at least finish the conversation). This time I find him there (no wife) and he's cradling something... wrapped up in a bundle. But before I find out what it is, we're back into talking about stuff and he's basically telling me that it's hard for him to have friends nowadays and that his life has changed so dramatically from when we were friends and so on and so forth... and then he's like "also, there's this...." and he unwraps the bundle and its...
A CONJOINED TWIN(s?) !! joined at the head. WOAH. I also have a pretty bad freakout threshold when it comes to conjoined babies. This is not good.
I can't remember the details then, but this stirrs up all sorts of weirdness and the dream ends with me being really upset for a range of reasons, and basically he tells me that because of our past, his wife will never go for this whole friendship thing, even though we live on different parts of the globe. That was about it. I woke up pretty devistated and hella freaked out in general.
But it was such a vivid dream! I love those!
Breaking it down:
I can see the relationship between D. and the church location... his dad was/is a minister, so even though I wouldn't classify him as being all that bible-bangy, I do sometimes associate him with churchy stuff. In fact, in the dream I have this gut feeling it actually was his dad's church, back in good ole J-town (which I'd never been to before, nor was it anywhere near downtown nor a bookstore). The whole semi-familiar bookstore thing makes me think that as well. In fact if I dig waaaay back into my dream-memory I'm thinking his big ol' dad may have even made a cameo appearance in this one, actually.
I can see the whole D-ignoring-me thing clear as day - I mean at times it was *that* kind of relationship that we had, so the fact that in my dream I was thinking about him being married now, would indeed bring up feelings of that whole "conflict of interest" nature. Whenever I think about my exes, the ones that are married now in particular, I remember this old conversation I used to have with my ex (R). He used to say "I dont mind having friends that are girls and all, but as soon as they get hitched - hell no, I'm not gettin' anywhere NEAR some other guy's wife!!" A subject I've personally wavered back and forth in my opinion on at least 3 times in the last 15 years. But anyway!
I also attribute my desperation to get his attention into feelings of guilt and discomfort that I have sometimes when I think of him. Not anything I did wrong, per se, but those teenage years are especially full of manipulation and game playing and relationship drama, and of course we had all of that a'plenty. ALSO, and here's the kicker - I harbour a LOT of guilt related to my ex (R) that I know I'll never get off my chest with him (as he is on another continent and doesn't talk to me anymore) even though in sort of a 12-step-kinda way I have this deep-rooted need to someday say "hey I'm really sorry for A-Z, I was stupid and young and... well, stupid". And sometimes I think my subconscious channels that huge burdon of guilt into my feelings toward other exes and was this time materializing in my dream-feelings towards D. No? Maybe? I think so.
D. always worked in a bookstore when we were in HS and College.
Conjoined twins freak me out, and I was just thinking about birth defects the day before for some odd reason, so that's why that was in there, I reckon.
What else? I can't think of any other interpretation but it all seems to make pretty good sense: I had been listening to Tom Petty all evening and back in the days when Tom was my no. 1 man, well, those were also the days of D, so a lot of time he's resurrected in my memory when I hear that kinda music. The end.
And just because for the last 18 hours I have had this song in my head... a complimentary singalong:
"Goin' down to Lillian's music store
To buy a black diamond string
Gonna wind it up on my guitar
Gonna make that silver sing
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
In Dreamville
I keep wakin' up all by myself
With a bluejay in my brain
Flappin' his wings, makin' me sing
It was just about to rain
Like it was Dreamville
Where I was born
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
In Dreamville
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the trees were green
In Dreamville
Ridin' with my mamma
To Glen Springs Pool
The water was cold
My lips were blue
There was rock and roll
Across the dial
When I think of her
It makes me smile
Like it was Dreamville
A long time ago
A million miles away
All the trees were green
In Dreamville, in Dreamville
Yeah it was Dreamville
A long time ago
Light years from here
And the air smelled good
In Dreamville, in Dreamville..."
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