My Year of Meaningful (2011)

Right, well, I'm kinda pissed. I thought coffee was my naughty lover, cheeky skank on the sly, my dirty deed done dirt cheap. Turns out I've been keeping an unnecessary mistress who misled me and strung me along for how many years now?


What happened was: after the irish guys left (mid-Feb), I went on the big detox. (Here's where the REAL blogger would back-link to the blog where I announced that I was detoxing but that would take too much effort right there.) I didn't drink any hooch between their departure and my birthday, I didn't eat red meat and I cut out the caffeine crutch as well, just to punish myself for gaining 2kg and becoming a total lush and a refined-sugar and saturated fat consumer/slob while they were here.


Here's what has taken place since:

• Week 1, 2 - FU++++KKKKKKKKKK MEEEEEEEEE that sucked - physically missing it, feeling crap, dreaming of it, smelling it and swooning, all that nonsense.


• Week 2, 3 - No more physical withdrawal symptoms, but emotional turmoil because it smells sooooooo good. Not only missing the taste, but missing the HABIT of 10:30 am making my dear, sweet cup of milky sugary goodness.


• Week 3, 4 - By now the detox is officially over, so I can have it if I want, but now I'm having fits because I realize how dependant I was on the HABIT and have decided to experiment a little farther by substituting a mug of Milo at 10:30 every day and seeing what happens.


• Week 4, 5 - Realizing it's out of my system, happy not to have any sort of chemical crutch whatsoever. Not even missing it that much anymore - not even on a chilly Saturday morning in bed!?


• Week 5, 6 - Round about now... just plain OFF it altogether. Don't even think about it. Angry at how many unnecessary grams of white refined stuff and dairy (that I shouldn't be having anyway) I sucked down over the last X years under the premise that I "just couldn't live without it". What!?

So now I'm just annoyed. I've considered the following of my typical arguments for "needing" my coffee, and come up with new perspectives for each:

1. I need it to wake up: Well, after week 2/3, I don't. That one's pretty plain and straightforward.


2. I like the way it tastes: In hindsight, I liked the milk and sugar, actually. I can think of a million different sweet things that I can substitute that won't leave me with a dependency and would be healthier anyway.


3. I love the smell: I *think* I still do, on this one... however I have to smell the Mr.'s coffee all the time anyway and to be honest it doesn't make me crave it anymore. Also not a good enough reason to have the chemical dependency. I like the smell of cigars and Malibu too but I don't have to pump either into my system en masse first thing in the morning every day of the year.


4. It's just the habit: This is it! That was the stickler. And yet there are substitutes that you can put in a mug, either hot or cold, and get more nutritional value out of. I found out that even just the boiling of the kettle was part of my habit, and the stirring and everything else - I was totally missing that crap. But you can do that with tea too, no?

I can't really think of anything more specific, but basically now I'm just a little annoyed that this whole time I really didn't need to be a caffeine addict. And I was, because I'm just realizing how much my mornings and afternoons revolved around the ceremony that was an addictive diuretic concoction full of sugar. I have a very healthy diet, I don't eat junk food, why would I let myself drink it to the point of physical dependency???

Anyway, for like 3 weeks now I've been off the detox and what not and sure, if I feel the urge to say, have one cup or something like that on a specific occasion because I just really want to have the taste of coffee in my mouth, I would totally let myself. But I haven't yet, at all! I was sure I would! Where is this forlorn coffee-missing emotion that drives me to the deli to get a delicious special-occasion cappuccino? It's really strange. Now, if I crave "hot", I have rooibos. If I crave "sweet", I have a mug of Milo. If I just want an excuse to muck around and not do any work for 10 minutes, I play grab-ass with my husband. Or whatever.

But I just feel like the coffee's been lying to me all these years going "you really lovvvve the way I taste!!! You're not addicted!!! You could quit me any time!!! Now drink more of me... you just lovvvve the way I taste!!!" Yeah, see, but if that were REALLY the case, then why now that it's out of my system and I'm no longer chemically dependant on it, now that I've given myself the free pass to enjoy the odd non-routine cup here or there, why am I no longer excited about it? I am convinced it is because I threw the monkey off my back and am no longer under the influence of an addictive substance.

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.