Funny? want funny? this is funny...
1 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 02 April 2009 at 4/02/2009 10:32:00 am.
I may be the bane of my FILs existence, he may resent me for the fact that his eldest has flown the proverbial Cow Coop, he may blame me for brainwashing his potential legacy-propagating offspring, but...
oddly enough, the one and only time he actually directs any conversation - and I mean ANY conversation (grrrr) - my way, is when he has a "smart question" that he wants answered. I mean it's so bizarre. He would never, EVER ask my opinion on anything that he's loudly pontificating on, he would never ask an interested question about my background, interests, etc., and God forbid he would ever ask for any input into whatever it is he's boasting/bragging/lecturing about. BUT! Let's say the topic is "The Middle East", "Religious History", "Current Events in Eastern Europe", etc... and all of a sudden it's: "So... do YOU know the answer to this?"
e.g.:
FIL: "there was a very large ex prime minister of Israel, oh, let's say 5 years ago, and he was struck with a dramatic illness and went into a coma for a very long time before his death.... (head whips around toward my direction and eyes go big and inquisition-y) do YOU know who that man was?"
ME: (thinks hard, nearly goes bust, but pulls it out at the last second)... Ariel Sharon!
earlier...
FIL: "Mormons and Amish aren't the same. They are similar religions, I think, but.... (whip, eyes, etc) do YOU know what the differences are????"
ME: "actually yes. blah blah LDS stuff Joseph Smith, exile from Missouri, polygamy laws, doctrine change, breakaway sects, American religion etc... amish stuff, shunning, baptisty-baptism, Swiss-german religion, etc etc (basically not even close to the same thing as Mormonism), etc."
FIL: "Zebras. Always look fat. GO!"
ME: "Gas. Stomachs. Not like cows. Only 1. Grass is all they eat. Lacking ruminant qualities of a cow's stomachs which digests the stuff better. Permanent bloat. Even a starving zebra = fat."
or, just continentally...
FIL: Number of people with AIDS in Africa!
ME: 25 million!
FIL: Number of people in Africa!
ME: 900 million!
FIL: Most populous country in Africa!
ME: Nigeria at 125 mill!
FIL: Ex Portuguese colonies within Southern Africa that today still speak Portuguese!
ME: Angola and Mozambique!
gah!
I can't figure out if he's trying to set me up, trap me, expose me for the stupid idiot he thinks I am, or if he really actually believes that I know more about stuff than I'm letting on (by sitting quietly and not disrupting his constant soliloquies, ALL.THE.TIME) and wants to test the depth of the waters... or maybe he just thinks I have a well-read brain that retains stuff??? I have no idea. But it's almost slightly eerie.
oddly enough, the one and only time he actually directs any conversation - and I mean ANY conversation (grrrr) - my way, is when he has a "smart question" that he wants answered. I mean it's so bizarre. He would never, EVER ask my opinion on anything that he's loudly pontificating on, he would never ask an interested question about my background, interests, etc., and God forbid he would ever ask for any input into whatever it is he's boasting/bragging/lecturing about. BUT! Let's say the topic is "The Middle East", "Religious History", "Current Events in Eastern Europe", etc... and all of a sudden it's: "So... do YOU know the answer to this?"
e.g.:
FIL: "there was a very large ex prime minister of Israel, oh, let's say 5 years ago, and he was struck with a dramatic illness and went into a coma for a very long time before his death.... (head whips around toward my direction and eyes go big and inquisition-y) do YOU know who that man was?"
ME: (thinks hard, nearly goes bust, but pulls it out at the last second)... Ariel Sharon!
earlier...
FIL: "Mormons and Amish aren't the same. They are similar religions, I think, but.... (whip, eyes, etc) do YOU know what the differences are????"
ME: "actually yes.
FIL: "Zebras. Always look fat. GO!"
ME: "Gas. Stomachs. Not like cows. Only 1. Grass is all they eat. Lacking ruminant qualities of a cow's stomachs which digests the stuff better. Permanent bloat. Even a starving zebra = fat."
or, just continentally...
FIL: Number of people with AIDS in Africa!
ME: 25 million!
FIL: Number of people in Africa!
ME: 900 million!
FIL: Most populous country in Africa!
ME: Nigeria at 125 mill!
FIL: Ex Portuguese colonies within Southern Africa that today still speak Portuguese!
ME: Angola and Mozambique!
gah!
I can't figure out if he's trying to set me up, trap me, expose me for the stupid idiot he thinks I am, or if he really actually believes that I know more about stuff than I'm letting on (by sitting quietly and not disrupting his constant soliloquies, ALL.THE.TIME) and wants to test the depth of the waters... or maybe he just thinks I have a well-read brain that retains stuff??? I have no idea. But it's almost slightly eerie.
Ooh. Mormons and Amish are similar only in that they're both religions. Your FIL sounds like a real _pendejo_ and I give you massive props for maintaining a civil demeanor around him. I could not do it, man.