OK I won't state the obvious (I'm swamped) because that will just put me in negative-complain mode, and we don't want that. But I am indeed having a very hard time keeping up the Spirit of 2010 these days as work has me bogged down, studying has me stressed out, and I have too many damn committments. Committments of all kinds, too. Even the ones including "try and keep yourself happy" committments that I'm not meeting, like "play fetch with the big dog for 10 minutes", "read a book", "invest in the mental stimulation of the 1-year-old", "check in with friends on the interwebs", "go for a run", etc etc.
Normally I would be thinking "how AWESOME is it that I have a 4-week vacation coming up" but now even THAT has got me in a fit of anxiety. I'm already finding myself struggling with the too many people/not enough time debacle that always gets me run down on these trips home... and already suffering other peoples' aggro because we clearly don't have enough time to do X, Y, and Z with people A, B, and C. UGH! I've just sent the cutthroat message to the fam that we are probably even going to miss one day of the reunion because I want to see my friends 3 hours away in SPFLD and there's only 1 day in my schedule left open so I have to just do it then. Waiting for the response...
I must just keep repeating my mantra that *I* am the one spending nearly 40 grand (in our money) to come back home for a few weeks and I will not be guilt-tripped and bullied into killing myself over other people's expectations. Yes, I know everyone wants to see Her Royal TheJoo-ness, but I'm about at the point now where I'm micro-scheduling entire days down to thirty-minute intervals and THAT IS JUST NOT FUN FOR ME. Compounding the problem is the Grandparents, mainly Grandpa who is officially on his death bed and I have recently accepted that this will catagorically be my last chance to see him EVER, so that means a lot of time spent in KC when at all possible. Not the best of circumstances but hey, he's the Gramps and I'm not going to be hassled out of spending time with him just because of people A, B, and C getting their feelings hurt. Unless they start Knockin' on Heaven's Door in the next couple weeks, they're just going to have to be understanding and sympathetic. And if they can't do that, what the hell good friends are they anyway, right? Damn, I know a lot of selfish-ass people!
When we first planned this trip, I knew it might be the "beginning" of the end for Gramps but incidents over the last 2 weeks alone have pretty much pressed the FF button on his life and his body has started literally collapsing on him, organ by organ. I pray that he's even there when we arrive at this point, the way it sounds. He's had about 5 surgeries in 2 weeks and my dad just told me that as of monday he's been moved into a skilled nursing unit and they've pretty much been told that he won't see the inside of he and Gran's house ever again. That makes me feel really sad, as does the fact that this will probably (unless it happens in a certain 3-week window) be the 3rd grandparent I've lost while overseas and not been able to be at the funeral for. Which means to this day I have still not actually attended the funeral of anyone I have ever known personally or even remotely cared about. That's pretty sad.
At this point the highlights of my trip back, so far as I can see them from here, is Adelly's trip to JC (BLESSINGS are upon me because she's friends with Brandon too which means we can all hang out TOGETHER and I don't have to bloody frickin teleport myself between friends scattered randomly across a 50mile radius, but obviously the smashing good times that lie in wait with that combination (B&A) will be stellar); and our 8-day trip to Vancouver to see Podgey, Rach, and Robyn and Abby... which is also a BLESSING because they're the only people i know in Vancouver so no more of this spreading-one's-self-too-thin rubbish. WITH built-in babysitter (that would be either Rach's mom or Robyn) WOO HOO!!
I'm still totally bummed about Dave's band's gig (the one I was going to sit in for) getting cancelled which means likely the only time we can get together and jam with The Garys is during the time my beloved Houstonian visitor is in town.... which, by the by now I find out is the ONLY weekend I have at home the whole time i'm back... how did that happen??? Where did these supposed "3 weeks" go?? But at least the bonus of the last week was that my pickin' fingers got a workout on Sunday when we had a giant winter stew-fest here at our place for all the Hashers after the Hash... Tom brought along his son who's a little younger than me and plays a mean guitar in a band back in Charleston, South Kackalackie (he was here visiting his 'rents) and I suckered him into trying his hand at some bluegrass and we had a mini-jam sesson in the living room here which, much to the delight of the Hashers loitering around eating their stew and drinking their beers, was the first time since Jeremy died that I actually got to play with someone. AWESOME. My poor, itching fingers.
Also last weekend we went to dinner with my Chinese Contractor boys who were in fine form and kept me in stitches for the whole of Friday night (in the back room of a chinese restaurant which so happens to be in a "dry" shopping complex but they provide us wine anyway because the Contractors are in bed with the Chinese Gov't and can pull some strings with just so much as a raised eyebrow.... uhhh, I dont want to know). That was fun times, and I was glad because I'm running low on fun times. Need more fun times.
And Thursday night we had The 2 Swedish Bachelors (our friends both of whose wifes are back in Sweden without them) over for dinner and I had slaved away a day in advance and made a delicious lasagne and then on the actual day managed to UNBELIEVABLY rush home and concoct a real Ceasar Salad (complete with coddled egg and anchovies in the dressing) and garlic bread and a bloody impressive trifle for dessert if I do say so myself. It was a really fun evening and also a damn good excuse to drink wine in the middle of the week.
Last weekend also was the monthly Farmers Market which we always go to and always see everyone we know there, so that was good times (and good food), yay. And the weekend before also saw me and my viola at Frau Meister's place with the Geriatric Quartet which I wish I could say was fun, but it wasnt. I haven't been practicing and FM got all preachy-teachy on me which I did not appreciate and I HATE BRAHMS which is all they wanted to play so that left me feeling totally unsatisfied and coming up with a good excuse to NOT have to play last weekend and this weekend. Well this weekend I DO have a good excuse because we're going to the World Cup game between NL & Denmark on Monday, meaning leaving Sunday.
OK there goes my self-imposed lunchbreak. Now back to the grind stone. BLEH.
Normally I would be thinking "how AWESOME is it that I have a 4-week vacation coming up" but now even THAT has got me in a fit of anxiety. I'm already finding myself struggling with the too many people/not enough time debacle that always gets me run down on these trips home... and already suffering other peoples' aggro because we clearly don't have enough time to do X, Y, and Z with people A, B, and C. UGH! I've just sent the cutthroat message to the fam that we are probably even going to miss one day of the reunion because I want to see my friends 3 hours away in SPFLD and there's only 1 day in my schedule left open so I have to just do it then. Waiting for the response...
I must just keep repeating my mantra that *I* am the one spending nearly 40 grand (in our money) to come back home for a few weeks and I will not be guilt-tripped and bullied into killing myself over other people's expectations. Yes, I know everyone wants to see Her Royal TheJoo-ness, but I'm about at the point now where I'm micro-scheduling entire days down to thirty-minute intervals and THAT IS JUST NOT FUN FOR ME. Compounding the problem is the Grandparents, mainly Grandpa who is officially on his death bed and I have recently accepted that this will catagorically be my last chance to see him EVER, so that means a lot of time spent in KC when at all possible. Not the best of circumstances but hey, he's the Gramps and I'm not going to be hassled out of spending time with him just because of people A, B, and C getting their feelings hurt. Unless they start Knockin' on Heaven's Door in the next couple weeks, they're just going to have to be understanding and sympathetic. And if they can't do that, what the hell good friends are they anyway, right? Damn, I know a lot of selfish-ass people!
When we first planned this trip, I knew it might be the "beginning" of the end for Gramps but incidents over the last 2 weeks alone have pretty much pressed the FF button on his life and his body has started literally collapsing on him, organ by organ. I pray that he's even there when we arrive at this point, the way it sounds. He's had about 5 surgeries in 2 weeks and my dad just told me that as of monday he's been moved into a skilled nursing unit and they've pretty much been told that he won't see the inside of he and Gran's house ever again. That makes me feel really sad, as does the fact that this will probably (unless it happens in a certain 3-week window) be the 3rd grandparent I've lost while overseas and not been able to be at the funeral for. Which means to this day I have still not actually attended the funeral of anyone I have ever known personally or even remotely cared about. That's pretty sad.
At this point the highlights of my trip back, so far as I can see them from here, is Adelly's trip to JC (BLESSINGS are upon me because she's friends with Brandon too which means we can all hang out TOGETHER and I don't have to bloody frickin teleport myself between friends scattered randomly across a 50mile radius, but obviously the smashing good times that lie in wait with that combination (B&A) will be stellar); and our 8-day trip to Vancouver to see Podgey, Rach, and Robyn and Abby... which is also a BLESSING because they're the only people i know in Vancouver so no more of this spreading-one's-self-too-thin rubbish. WITH built-in babysitter (that would be either Rach's mom or Robyn) WOO HOO!!
I'm still totally bummed about Dave's band's gig (the one I was going to sit in for) getting cancelled which means likely the only time we can get together and jam with The Garys is during the time my beloved Houstonian visitor is in town.... which, by the by now I find out is the ONLY weekend I have at home the whole time i'm back... how did that happen??? Where did these supposed "3 weeks" go?? But at least the bonus of the last week was that my pickin' fingers got a workout on Sunday when we had a giant winter stew-fest here at our place for all the Hashers after the Hash... Tom brought along his son who's a little younger than me and plays a mean guitar in a band back in Charleston, South Kackalackie (he was here visiting his 'rents) and I suckered him into trying his hand at some bluegrass and we had a mini-jam sesson in the living room here which, much to the delight of the Hashers loitering around eating their stew and drinking their beers, was the first time since Jeremy died that I actually got to play with someone. AWESOME. My poor, itching fingers.
Also last weekend we went to dinner with my Chinese Contractor boys who were in fine form and kept me in stitches for the whole of Friday night (in the back room of a chinese restaurant which so happens to be in a "dry" shopping complex but they provide us wine anyway because the Contractors are in bed with the Chinese Gov't and can pull some strings with just so much as a raised eyebrow.... uhhh, I dont want to know). That was fun times, and I was glad because I'm running low on fun times. Need more fun times.
And Thursday night we had The 2 Swedish Bachelors (our friends both of whose wifes are back in Sweden without them) over for dinner and I had slaved away a day in advance and made a delicious lasagne and then on the actual day managed to UNBELIEVABLY rush home and concoct a real Ceasar Salad (complete with coddled egg and anchovies in the dressing) and garlic bread and a bloody impressive trifle for dessert if I do say so myself. It was a really fun evening and also a damn good excuse to drink wine in the middle of the week.
Last weekend also was the monthly Farmers Market which we always go to and always see everyone we know there, so that was good times (and good food), yay. And the weekend before also saw me and my viola at Frau Meister's place with the Geriatric Quartet which I wish I could say was fun, but it wasnt. I haven't been practicing and FM got all preachy-teachy on me which I did not appreciate and I HATE BRAHMS which is all they wanted to play so that left me feeling totally unsatisfied and coming up with a good excuse to NOT have to play last weekend and this weekend. Well this weekend I DO have a good excuse because we're going to the World Cup game between NL & Denmark on Monday, meaning leaving Sunday.
OK there goes my self-imposed lunchbreak. Now back to the grind stone. BLEH.
Labels: trip planning
You HATE Brahms?!?! My 2nd favorite composer? Who also shares my birthday???
You're dead to me now. Consider my trip to KC off!
Ok well, not off--but don't speak to me while we are hanging out/partying/Karoakeing! Or else!