How I Met Your Annoying People
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 18 August 2010 at 8/18/2010 04:27:00 pm.
OMG THANK GOD THIS WEEKEND IS OVER
Well, of course it's never good to go back to work but I can tell you this - this Monday couldn't come soon enough. Aggghhhhhhh.
In fairness to Uncle A., he is still in my good books and has changed a LOT for the better, over the last year. I love him again and am so proud of him for becoming more of a positive, optimistic, happy person. I think his transformation since last xmas has had a lot to do with having had (and lost) a good, serious relationship... learning how NOT to be like certain other negative forces in his life.... and a whole bunch of just general life experience and new people that he's come in contact with since he moved to South Africa. But anyway, this story is not about him. HE is lovely. We still like HIM.
This freakshow married chick he brought along on his ride this weekend to our place, however.... holy SHIT!
Without going completely overboard I will just explain that the whole experience was simply exhausting. Imagine the combination of the following personality traits, all squeezed into one human being (I will support with real, actual quotes absorbed over the weekend, for effect):
- Vanity ("I used to be a model you know... did I mention I used to be a model?")
- Ego ("I'm way out of his league")
- Racially charged ("Black people are like this, you don't understand black people, I'm trying to help you understand black people.... oh but how could you understand if you're white?")
- Knowitall ("I know I haven't been here before, but all Batswana think ____ and are ____, while all the people in South America - where I also haven't been - are like THIS, and think THIS").
- Loudmouth ("BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHHH!!!")
- Hypocritical ("i AM SO openminded & tolerant.... OMG when white people have the nerve to try and speak Zulu to me it is just SOooo annoying and they sound Soooo stupid.... and OMG how stupid and outrageous is it that white people in South Africa don't learn to speak any of the indigenous languages?!?!")
- Forward ("Here let me just open up this bottle of wine that I haven't asked if you're saving for anything and pour myself some to go along with the plate of leftovers from your dinner the night before we arrived that I'm going to help myself to")
- Pretentious ("I am very into Buddhism you know. I am a totally amazing yogi. In fact, I'm going to make sure you all see me out front MEDITATING. See I am a very spiritual person. I have very strong intuition, probably stronger than anyone else's - I really am very well read and knowledgeable about pretty much every belief system and school of philosophy out there")
- Judgemental ("Americans are all fat and unhealthy")
and last but not least...
- Schiiiiiiiit-zoooooooooooooooo!!!!! - too many examples to quote -
If I'm lyin, I'm dyin. Seriously. Imagine how exhausted I am. What's sad is that Uncle A. pretty much had no idea that this was the whole package because they only really hang out for short bursts of time, on their own turf in Jozi. But when you bring someone out of your "scene"and introduce them to your other friends, normally it results in them being a much more concentrated version of themselves and you see them under a microscope for the first time and OMG I don't think A. was very impressed with her "total package". Poor guy. He was apologizing for her repeatedly and I think will probably not be as quick to spend so much quality time with her after this, but DUDE. Why you gots to bring so much crazy into my house!?!?!
I mean sure, the Zulu people have a historical reputation of being fighters and crazy but this girl was all about "disproving stereotypes" (i.e. being married to a white Frenchman, having friends of all races, creeds, shapes & types.... I know because we had to hear about it for 72 hours) but then she went and acted like a crazy warrior for 3 days straight. Ugh. And ate all my food and didn't offer to pay for anything when we went out... INCLUDING herself. Ugh.
Anyway, luckily she went to bed earlier than anyone else so that late at night the 3 of us could hang around and chill out and NOT be having freaking heated debate/philosophical lectures/informative lecture/opinionated gross generalisations hurled at us from all angles. Whew! How nice to just watch a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon (thanks, Brandone!), play some Rummikub and stare at each other and crack the odd politically incorrect yo momma joke. Thank GOD!
In other news, I got word from Crazy E.... from previous "give me all your personal data so I can get a job with the Feds" fame.... who I have been kind of NOT making a huge effort (read: blocked from gchat and FB chat) to keep in touch with since then. In this latest email she's all EVER SO PROUD TO ANNOUNCE that she has taken a VERY IMPORTANT job with the UN and it will be moving she and hubby to Nairobi. Holy Space-Invasion, Batman! That puts her within a DIRECT FLIGHT of G-city!!! SHIT!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! I didn't want this! I am not excited! Do NOT WANT!! HELP!!! I can already imagine.... it's gonna be more of this whole weekend all over again..... for potentially the next 3-to-5 years!!! AGGHHHH!!! They're moving in September and I'm sure we can be expecting a drop in shortly thereafter. Sigh. Am I being intolerant or have I just gotten so old that my weekends are so precious that I can't bear the thought of having even just one more of them invaded by high-maintenence knowitall characters!??! Can't we all just hang out and watch 30 Rock and watch a damn rugby game? Maybe go see some silly standup comedy or cook a giant pot of fondue?
ugh.
I be tired just writin' this.
In OTHER news, my granny wants to send my fambly on a big cruise round el Carribbean. In late January. As thanks for helping out with the funeral & stuff while gramps was all up in bad shape and sheeit. I feel kinda guilty that she even includes me in that group since I was virtually useless by being overseas for the duration of his last "bad" years, as well as didnt even show at the funeral. I dont think we'll be able to swing it which sucks, because it would be fun and I havent been on a vacation with the bwuddaman for what, 20 years, and with the cousins even WAY longer than that. It would surely be a trip and a half. But we're going to Holland for xmas and coming back the 5th of Jan., so highly unlikely that The Mr. would agree to a week on "the other side" again so soon thereafter. So sad. But the Gran wants to send us the $$$ should we choose not to take her up on her deal, so that would be interesting. I have no idea how much a cruise costs these days anyhoo (for 3 people). The Mominator tells me to not feel bad about not being able to go (to me that sounds like she's trying to talk me OUT of it...? Do I sense post-sausage-throwing-incident-of-2010 backlash?) especially because LJJ wouldn't appreciate it at this age, and plus the ship doesnt allow you to leave children unattended in the staterooms for naps/sleeping/etc. Apparently. (how would they know?) But anyway.
Well, of course it's never good to go back to work but I can tell you this - this Monday couldn't come soon enough. Aggghhhhhhh.
In fairness to Uncle A., he is still in my good books and has changed a LOT for the better, over the last year. I love him again and am so proud of him for becoming more of a positive, optimistic, happy person. I think his transformation since last xmas has had a lot to do with having had (and lost) a good, serious relationship... learning how NOT to be like certain other negative forces in his life.... and a whole bunch of just general life experience and new people that he's come in contact with since he moved to South Africa. But anyway, this story is not about him. HE is lovely. We still like HIM.
This freakshow married chick he brought along on his ride this weekend to our place, however.... holy SHIT!
Without going completely overboard I will just explain that the whole experience was simply exhausting. Imagine the combination of the following personality traits, all squeezed into one human being (I will support with real, actual quotes absorbed over the weekend, for effect):
- Vanity ("I used to be a model you know... did I mention I used to be a model?")
- Ego ("I'm way out of his league")
- Racially charged ("Black people are like this, you don't understand black people, I'm trying to help you understand black people.... oh but how could you understand if you're white?")
- Knowitall ("I know I haven't been here before, but all Batswana think ____ and are ____, while all the people in South America - where I also haven't been - are like THIS, and think THIS").
- Loudmouth ("BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHHH!!!")
- Hypocritical ("i AM SO openminded & tolerant.... OMG when white people have the nerve to try and speak Zulu to me it is just SOooo annoying and they sound Soooo stupid.... and OMG how stupid and outrageous is it that white people in South Africa don't learn to speak any of the indigenous languages?!?!")
- Forward ("Here let me just open up this bottle of wine that I haven't asked if you're saving for anything and pour myself some to go along with the plate of leftovers from your dinner the night before we arrived that I'm going to help myself to")
- Pretentious ("I am very into Buddhism you know. I am a totally amazing yogi. In fact, I'm going to make sure you all see me out front MEDITATING. See I am a very spiritual person. I have very strong intuition, probably stronger than anyone else's - I really am very well read and knowledgeable about pretty much every belief system and school of philosophy out there")
- Judgemental ("Americans are all fat and unhealthy")
and last but not least...
- Schiiiiiiiit-zoooooooooooooooo!!!!! - too many examples to quote -
If I'm lyin, I'm dyin. Seriously. Imagine how exhausted I am. What's sad is that Uncle A. pretty much had no idea that this was the whole package because they only really hang out for short bursts of time, on their own turf in Jozi. But when you bring someone out of your "scene"and introduce them to your other friends, normally it results in them being a much more concentrated version of themselves and you see them under a microscope for the first time and OMG I don't think A. was very impressed with her "total package". Poor guy. He was apologizing for her repeatedly and I think will probably not be as quick to spend so much quality time with her after this, but DUDE. Why you gots to bring so much crazy into my house!?!?!
I mean sure, the Zulu people have a historical reputation of being fighters and crazy but this girl was all about "disproving stereotypes" (i.e. being married to a white Frenchman, having friends of all races, creeds, shapes & types.... I know because we had to hear about it for 72 hours) but then she went and acted like a crazy warrior for 3 days straight. Ugh. And ate all my food and didn't offer to pay for anything when we went out... INCLUDING herself. Ugh.
Anyway, luckily she went to bed earlier than anyone else so that late at night the 3 of us could hang around and chill out and NOT be having freaking heated debate/philosophical lectures/informative lecture/opinionated gross generalisations hurled at us from all angles. Whew! How nice to just watch a "How I Met Your Mother" marathon (thanks, Brandone!), play some Rummikub and stare at each other and crack the odd politically incorrect yo momma joke. Thank GOD!
In other news, I got word from Crazy E.... from previous "give me all your personal data so I can get a job with the Feds" fame.... who I have been kind of NOT making a huge effort (read: blocked from gchat and FB chat) to keep in touch with since then. In this latest email she's all EVER SO PROUD TO ANNOUNCE that she has taken a VERY IMPORTANT job with the UN and it will be moving she and hubby to Nairobi. Holy Space-Invasion, Batman! That puts her within a DIRECT FLIGHT of G-city!!! SHIT!! SHIT SHIT SHIT!!! I didn't want this! I am not excited! Do NOT WANT!! HELP!!! I can already imagine.... it's gonna be more of this whole weekend all over again..... for potentially the next 3-to-5 years!!! AGGHHHH!!! They're moving in September and I'm sure we can be expecting a drop in shortly thereafter. Sigh. Am I being intolerant or have I just gotten so old that my weekends are so precious that I can't bear the thought of having even just one more of them invaded by high-maintenence knowitall characters!??! Can't we all just hang out and watch 30 Rock and watch a damn rugby game? Maybe go see some silly standup comedy or cook a giant pot of fondue?
ugh.
I be tired just writin' this.
In OTHER news, my granny wants to send my fambly on a big cruise round el Carribbean. In late January. As thanks for helping out with the funeral & stuff while gramps was all up in bad shape and sheeit. I feel kinda guilty that she even includes me in that group since I was virtually useless by being overseas for the duration of his last "bad" years, as well as didnt even show at the funeral. I dont think we'll be able to swing it which sucks, because it would be fun and I havent been on a vacation with the bwuddaman for what, 20 years, and with the cousins even WAY longer than that. It would surely be a trip and a half. But we're going to Holland for xmas and coming back the 5th of Jan., so highly unlikely that The Mr. would agree to a week on "the other side" again so soon thereafter. So sad. But the Gran wants to send us the $$$ should we choose not to take her up on her deal, so that would be interesting. I have no idea how much a cruise costs these days anyhoo (for 3 people). The Mominator tells me to not feel bad about not being able to go (to me that sounds like she's trying to talk me OUT of it...? Do I sense post-sausage-throwing-incident-of-2010 backlash?) especially because LJJ wouldn't appreciate it at this age, and plus the ship doesnt allow you to leave children unattended in the staterooms for naps/sleeping/etc. Apparently. (how would they know?) But anyway.
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