To dive in or not to dive in?!
2 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 22 January 2010 at 1/22/2010 12:32:00 pm.
How cool is it that Lady JooJoo has her own passport now!?!?
I just can't believe the last piece of the puzzle is finally in!! Well, ok, I can believe it - and I always knew it was coming, it just took a lot of faith and patience. 2 commodities that I've never held in spades.
Anyway today I was thinking about "big stuff" (probably in the wake of all the faith and patience reward-reaping) for a change, and about some chocolate/vanilla issues... normally that kinda malarkey isn't really on my radar since she's still a baby and since we've formally "done all that" stuff in our pre-adoption counselling - discussed, planned, trouble-shot, hypothetical scenario'd everything, etc etc. But I do regularly read this blog and sometimes it gets me thinking about what's lying in wait in our future as a mixed race family now. I like reading the blog because it's a helpful tool for anyone who has to handle the fathoms of ignorance and insensitivity out there.... all the "don't you want YOUR OWN children some day"s and "who are her REAL PARENTS"s and all the "Don't you want to keep your own GENES in your family"s... by reading how other people handle stuff, even not so much how the public treats you but how you deal with raising your kid is helpful. I mean there are real issues that require real sanity-management tactics and having a community within your reach (online) of people who have been there/done that is (I'm learning) a must. But all of a sudden today one of the bloggers started mentioning "helpful books".
At first, I was like "hmmm... I better start ordering some of these", and was soon clicking on a bunch of Amazon links to read about these recommendations for this, that, and the other issues & topics. But then....
...then I was reading some of the reactions/critiques of some of the books, as well as what the books were about, and I got all freaked out. I'm thinking there is quite possibly a community of people out there who are TOO "big issue"-oriented for my liking. It took one review of one "transracial adoption bible" that was titled "Pity Party!" to all of a sudden stop me in my tracks and think..... yeah... is this really ME?
I'm not REALLY sure where I'm going with this, but I think I'm very close to drawing a line in the sand about how far I.... ME... PERSONALLY.... want to go into the pool of OMG MY KID COULD POTENTIALLY BE SCARRED FOR LIFE IF I DON'T TAKE THIS MIXED RACE FAMILY THING LEATHALLY SERIOUSLY. It's like there are times that I really get clobbered in the face (by a "look" or a comment or some general idiot stating the obvious) by this stuff, but I'm pretty sure that reading one blog (written by a community of authors not just one) is good enough/better medication for getting over those humps than actually becoming obsessive and spending half my salary on Amazon would be (trust me, there are THAT MANY BOOKS on the subject out there). And I have to wonder if reading all that stuff wouldn't potentially stir up stuff that A) Isn't really there, B) May not ever really affect ME or my kid, as we all raise DIFFERENT KIDS, PEOPLE!!!, C) Just be a waste of USD$ that I would be better off spending on the Tom Petty Biography because it would make ME HAPPY. (And *naturally* I'm a proponant of the "if mamma aint happy aint nobody happy" theory)
Hmmmm.
Also, I've never been a really big self-help-book type person. That doesn't mean I've never read one or that I don't think anyone else should read them... I think I just prefer real life teaching to assuming that someone else's experiences are EXACTLY what I'm going throug/going to go through. Now of course that makes me sound borderline arrogant and know-it-all, but seriously, there's a gut feeling at work here. OBVIOUSLY I'm going to have to face a bunch of challenges that the majority of the folks out there and their mini-mes don't have to encounter... but have I ever been the type of person who can't handle something unless I've read what The Experts' Advice Complete Compendium has to say about how to proceed???
And by elevating this topic to the pinnacle of "I have to see what THEY recommend" might I not just be setting myself up to take some other (fallible) human's (potentially bad) advice???
I'm continually second guessing my gut feeling on the subject of "It IS a big deal" or "It's NO big deal". Because normally I'm a part of the party of the latter. But there's someone else's future in the balance here, so my half-cocked portion of the brain is being closely monitored by my rational (1/5,000th) portion of the brain.... especially when you read stuff like "This book is useful for all parents who want their children to grow up with healthy attitudes in a world that uses race to separate human beings... and if you don't read it YOU MAY F*CK THEM UP FOR LIFE!!!!" (ok yes that is partially a real quote).
OK so there's my deep thinking for the month, now back to our regularly scheduled blog of nonsense.
I just can't believe the last piece of the puzzle is finally in!! Well, ok, I can believe it - and I always knew it was coming, it just took a lot of faith and patience. 2 commodities that I've never held in spades.
Anyway today I was thinking about "big stuff" (probably in the wake of all the faith and patience reward-reaping) for a change, and about some chocolate/vanilla issues... normally that kinda malarkey isn't really on my radar since she's still a baby and since we've formally "done all that" stuff in our pre-adoption counselling - discussed, planned, trouble-shot, hypothetical scenario'd everything, etc etc. But I do regularly read this blog and sometimes it gets me thinking about what's lying in wait in our future as a mixed race family now. I like reading the blog because it's a helpful tool for anyone who has to handle the fathoms of ignorance and insensitivity out there.... all the "don't you want YOUR OWN children some day"s and "who are her REAL PARENTS"s and all the "Don't you want to keep your own GENES in your family"s... by reading how other people handle stuff, even not so much how the public treats you but how you deal with raising your kid is helpful. I mean there are real issues that require real sanity-management tactics and having a community within your reach (online) of people who have been there/done that is (I'm learning) a must. But all of a sudden today one of the bloggers started mentioning "helpful books".
At first, I was like "hmmm... I better start ordering some of these", and was soon clicking on a bunch of Amazon links to read about these recommendations for this, that, and the other issues & topics. But then....
...then I was reading some of the reactions/critiques of some of the books, as well as what the books were about, and I got all freaked out. I'm thinking there is quite possibly a community of people out there who are TOO "big issue"-oriented for my liking. It took one review of one "transracial adoption bible" that was titled "Pity Party!" to all of a sudden stop me in my tracks and think..... yeah... is this really ME?
I'm not REALLY sure where I'm going with this, but I think I'm very close to drawing a line in the sand about how far I.... ME... PERSONALLY.... want to go into the pool of OMG MY KID COULD POTENTIALLY BE SCARRED FOR LIFE IF I DON'T TAKE THIS MIXED RACE FAMILY THING LEATHALLY SERIOUSLY. It's like there are times that I really get clobbered in the face (by a "look" or a comment or some general idiot stating the obvious) by this stuff, but I'm pretty sure that reading one blog (written by a community of authors not just one) is good enough/better medication for getting over those humps than actually becoming obsessive and spending half my salary on Amazon would be (trust me, there are THAT MANY BOOKS on the subject out there). And I have to wonder if reading all that stuff wouldn't potentially stir up stuff that A) Isn't really there, B) May not ever really affect ME or my kid, as we all raise DIFFERENT KIDS, PEOPLE!!!, C) Just be a waste of USD$ that I would be better off spending on the Tom Petty Biography because it would make ME HAPPY. (And *naturally* I'm a proponant of the "if mamma aint happy aint nobody happy" theory)
Hmmmm.
Also, I've never been a really big self-help-book type person. That doesn't mean I've never read one or that I don't think anyone else should read them... I think I just prefer real life teaching to assuming that someone else's experiences are EXACTLY what I'm going throug/going to go through. Now of course that makes me sound borderline arrogant and know-it-all, but seriously, there's a gut feeling at work here. OBVIOUSLY I'm going to have to face a bunch of challenges that the majority of the folks out there and their mini-mes don't have to encounter... but have I ever been the type of person who can't handle something unless I've read what The Experts' Advice Complete Compendium has to say about how to proceed???
And by elevating this topic to the pinnacle of "I have to see what THEY recommend" might I not just be setting myself up to take some other (fallible) human's (potentially bad) advice???
I'm continually second guessing my gut feeling on the subject of "It IS a big deal" or "It's NO big deal". Because normally I'm a part of the party of the latter. But there's someone else's future in the balance here, so my half-cocked portion of the brain is being closely monitored by my rational (1/5,000th) portion of the brain.... especially when you read stuff like "This book is useful for all parents who want their children to grow up with healthy attitudes in a world that uses race to separate human beings... and if you don't read it YOU MAY F*CK THEM UP FOR LIFE!!!!" (ok yes that is partially a real quote).
OK so there's my deep thinking for the month, now back to our regularly scheduled blog of nonsense.
Labels: The Kid Files
Interesting... we discussed race at a staff meeting on Monday at my Job #2 due to some comments that had come up from the students there. Oftentimes if YOU don't make a big deal out of something then it is not a big deal. But when you DO make a big deal out of something then it can totally escalate and become bigger than it ever should've become.
I suspect if you don't make a big deal out of the race thing then J3 won't either. Obviously when she gets older she may have questions and want to discuss. But it's probably just like (as the 1st comparison that comes to mind) kids who are born blind/deaf/whatever... they don't see themselves as having a problem b/c that's all they've ever known and it's NORMAL to THEM.
At any rate, it's probably too early to begin worrying about J3's attitude towards it. Her family will simply be NORMAL to her and when she's old enough to ask questions/discuss it philosophically, then that's when she'll be ready!
Hey. I am and am not qualified to give advice in the same breath, but.... if the bub is happy, and healthy, you are doing a good job. That has been my approach to parenting so far, and long may it remain.
There is being aware, and there is going overboard, and in my experience you have enough emotional intelligence to tread the line.
Enjoy. Second guessing is part of life now!! Adds to the fun. See you soon.