A Year & a Half of Flex
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 18 January 2011 at 1/18/2011 11:31:00 am.
And here we go with the meaningful....
Having the opportunity to work from home every other day over the last year and a half.
OK, so this new blogging strategy to write about only meaningful things this year was difficult to kick-start. Ever since I made the decision to do it, I find myself thinking all day each day "so what exactly is going to be worthy of "meaningful entry No. 1"? Is it this? Is it that? Is this good enough? Is that really what I meant by the word 'meaningful'?" It was hard.
Then I realized this week that Thursday we will be casting the Kiddo off into the great abyss of nursery school for the first time, thereby ending a blissful period of our lives that extended from August 2009 - January 2011. The emotion that I felt when I realized this was going to well and truly be *over* is what made me realize that it has really been a meaningful time of my life. And thus, I write about it:
When i usually think about my job, it makes me feel really lame and uninspired. That's largely because although I like my chosen carreer, it has unfortunately resulted in a generally desk-oriented job that involves lots of report writing and management and other non-interesting day to day blaaaah-dom. However, there is a huge difference between drawing one's lot as an environmental consultant, and drawing one's lot as a BUSINESS OWNER. The former does have its drawbacks, but the latter does have serious perks, which I need to be more appreciative of on a day-to-day basis. Such as making up your own vacation time rules. And setting your own hours. And as is the case in this post... giving yourself the luxury of alternating work-from-home days with your spouse, so you can watch your baby become a toddler.
Don't get me wrong, I think I would slide into a deep depression if I ever becamse a stay-at-home-mom. But the 50/50 split with work and with the husbanator has been a godsend. I still feel like I live in the adult world, but at the same time 2 or 3 days a week I get to take a break from whatever I'm working on and read a book with the LJJ or teach her a new word or sign or how to use the potty, etc. As opposed to just.... keep working...
It's been a benefit to all of us. I get to enjoy studying the way my kid works/behaves/plays and thus feel like I know her better. The Mr. gets to do the same, thus not feeling the typical out-of-balance mom/dad knowledge of exactly what makes the little person tick. LJJ gets to form the exact same bonds with both of us such that she gets the exact same amount of 1-on-1 time with her ma and pa. For example, on any given day, she doesn't KNOW for sure if she's going to get woken up in the morning and get fed breakfast by one of us or the other. It's all surprise potluck from day to day. And she knows she has to behave the same way for both of us because there's no "fun time daddy" or "hard ass mommy" role in her life who comes in at 6pm and takes off again in the morning.... since she has to live with both of us on her back every day. It has also taught her how to be independant and a good self-entertainer and non-clingy (for the most part) since while we're working at home, we still actually have to GET THE WORK DONE, and sometimes yeah, she's left to hang out wither herself or the dogs for a couple hours at a time. I think it's made her a better person, more patient, and value her real quality time with us even more. Honestly the only downside to the arrangement that I could really come up with, in writing and thinking about this, is the fact that I do often miss being in the office with The Mr., together. But that will be back in my life soon enough.
In the meantime I'm just taking the time to be grateful for this one thing that my "boring old stupid job" has given me over the last year and a half. OK, not every day is parent & child bliss... she still cuts teeth and has bad days and drives us insane on those days when she just can't cope and we just have to get some bloody work/study/business done. But largely the whole experience has been special and has meant a lot to me in terms of teaching & enforcing the life skills we as parents have been able to give the kid. For instance, it really helped during the days we were going through sleep training & schedule setting, it really made all the difference while we were teaching her how to sign for the things she wanted to say as a baby, it let us do the things that just leaving her with the maids (our other options) wouldn't have agreed with due to cultural differences and therefore never would've put time into (like teaching her how to cuddle & kiss the dogs... actually eating dirt and rocks to find out they don't actually taste good, understanding that IT'S NOT ALWAYS ALL ABOUT YOU and how to wait for things rather than scream for them, you don't get picked up every time you cry.... etc.) it allowed us to have consistancy and perservere on another of the endless "projects" we wanted to carry out during her first year(s).
So anyway, now that it's coming to an end (ok granted she'll only be away for 1/2 days for the first couple years, so we'll still have afternoons together, albeit largely nap-dominated afternoons at the beginning, I suspect) I thought I would pay homage to this opportunity that I was afforded, and acknowledge that it was very meaningful to me. And I know The Mr. feels the same way, and hopefully someday LJJ will also realize it contributed at least a little something to the kid she becomes. But mostly what it MEANS is that is that I have had a really nice experience doing this since mid-2009, that I am a better person/parent for it & ultimately I have been very lucky to have been able to do it like this.
Having the opportunity to work from home every other day over the last year and a half.
OK, so this new blogging strategy to write about only meaningful things this year was difficult to kick-start. Ever since I made the decision to do it, I find myself thinking all day each day "so what exactly is going to be worthy of "meaningful entry No. 1"? Is it this? Is it that? Is this good enough? Is that really what I meant by the word 'meaningful'?" It was hard.
Then I realized this week that Thursday we will be casting the Kiddo off into the great abyss of nursery school for the first time, thereby ending a blissful period of our lives that extended from August 2009 - January 2011. The emotion that I felt when I realized this was going to well and truly be *over* is what made me realize that it has really been a meaningful time of my life. And thus, I write about it:
When i usually think about my job, it makes me feel really lame and uninspired. That's largely because although I like my chosen carreer, it has unfortunately resulted in a generally desk-oriented job that involves lots of report writing and management and other non-interesting day to day blaaaah-dom. However, there is a huge difference between drawing one's lot as an environmental consultant, and drawing one's lot as a BUSINESS OWNER. The former does have its drawbacks, but the latter does have serious perks, which I need to be more appreciative of on a day-to-day basis. Such as making up your own vacation time rules. And setting your own hours. And as is the case in this post... giving yourself the luxury of alternating work-from-home days with your spouse, so you can watch your baby become a toddler.
Don't get me wrong, I think I would slide into a deep depression if I ever becamse a stay-at-home-mom. But the 50/50 split with work and with the husbanator has been a godsend. I still feel like I live in the adult world, but at the same time 2 or 3 days a week I get to take a break from whatever I'm working on and read a book with the LJJ or teach her a new word or sign or how to use the potty, etc. As opposed to just.... keep working...
It's been a benefit to all of us. I get to enjoy studying the way my kid works/behaves/plays and thus feel like I know her better. The Mr. gets to do the same, thus not feeling the typical out-of-balance mom/dad knowledge of exactly what makes the little person tick. LJJ gets to form the exact same bonds with both of us such that she gets the exact same amount of 1-on-1 time with her ma and pa. For example, on any given day, she doesn't KNOW for sure if she's going to get woken up in the morning and get fed breakfast by one of us or the other. It's all surprise potluck from day to day. And she knows she has to behave the same way for both of us because there's no "fun time daddy" or "hard ass mommy" role in her life who comes in at 6pm and takes off again in the morning.... since she has to live with both of us on her back every day. It has also taught her how to be independant and a good self-entertainer and non-clingy (for the most part) since while we're working at home, we still actually have to GET THE WORK DONE, and sometimes yeah, she's left to hang out wither herself or the dogs for a couple hours at a time. I think it's made her a better person, more patient, and value her real quality time with us even more. Honestly the only downside to the arrangement that I could really come up with, in writing and thinking about this, is the fact that I do often miss being in the office with The Mr., together. But that will be back in my life soon enough.
In the meantime I'm just taking the time to be grateful for this one thing that my "boring old stupid job" has given me over the last year and a half. OK, not every day is parent & child bliss... she still cuts teeth and has bad days and drives us insane on those days when she just can't cope and we just have to get some bloody work/study/business done. But largely the whole experience has been special and has meant a lot to me in terms of teaching & enforcing the life skills we as parents have been able to give the kid. For instance, it really helped during the days we were going through sleep training & schedule setting, it really made all the difference while we were teaching her how to sign for the things she wanted to say as a baby, it let us do the things that just leaving her with the maids (our other options) wouldn't have agreed with due to cultural differences and therefore never would've put time into (like teaching her how to cuddle & kiss the dogs... actually eating dirt and rocks to find out they don't actually taste good, understanding that IT'S NOT ALWAYS ALL ABOUT YOU and how to wait for things rather than scream for them, you don't get picked up every time you cry.... etc.) it allowed us to have consistancy and perservere on another of the endless "projects" we wanted to carry out during her first year(s).
So anyway, now that it's coming to an end (ok granted she'll only be away for 1/2 days for the first couple years, so we'll still have afternoons together, albeit largely nap-dominated afternoons at the beginning, I suspect) I thought I would pay homage to this opportunity that I was afforded, and acknowledge that it was very meaningful to me. And I know The Mr. feels the same way, and hopefully someday LJJ will also realize it contributed at least a little something to the kid she becomes. But mostly what it MEANS is that is that I have had a really nice experience doing this since mid-2009, that I am a better person/parent for it & ultimately I have been very lucky to have been able to do it like this.
Labels: Meaningful, The Kid Files
potentially lethal weekend ahead
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 03 December 2010 at 12/03/2010 08:07:00 am.
I just don't know what to do with myself! Overbooked! Underpaid! Through the rabbit hole! This is officially no longer the "silly season" it's the "freakin ridiculous season"!!!
Starting off today, I am supposed to be working at home but I REALLY need to go buy some presents. Then the Gourmet Girls (cooking club) is at my house tonight and I have to get stuff prepared! Of course this will involve copious amounts of wine which will probably affect my sleep as usual and I will be wrecked tomorrow, when The Mr. and I have to set out the Christmas hash in the morning, for the big run in the evening followed by the big party where I have to dress up in my North Pole elfin glory again and lead songs! And have boys sit on my lap! And drink more copious amounts of wine! Redundantical, I know!
Then the next day is Sinterklaas for the G-village 6 (Myself & The Mr., Jac & Mar, and Doc & Mrs Doc) which will involve feasting and gift exchanging and... go ahead and solve the mystery of what will be drunk in what amount... that's right, copious amounts of wine!! It's a shame we're all within walking distance of each other's driveways because otherwise I would probably use Sunday as a good excuse to "be the designated driver" and get some time off of liquid consumption. But alas it is not to be and I will just have to soldier through the fun and holiday merriment and make sure I up my water intake by 400%. A few Berocca wouldn't hurt either.
I am such a mainstream parent it is ridiclical. I am pretty sure my 19-month old is the only one on the planet with chores. But we've started making her feed the dogs every night. Responsibility and care-taking and all that. It's also something she likes to do because it involves dumping a can of something into a recepticle of some kind. Par-tay!
I still can't believe she's going to pre-school in January. It's really only just now hitting me, but we finally made the decision on which place, yesterday. She'll start with a 1/2 day until she's a bit older and then one of the good things about the place we decided on is that they have an all-day option, so she doesn't have to switch schools when she's old enough to go til 5. Bye-bye days of working from home and the peace, tranquility, bird-chirping and solitude of G-village mornings out my window every other day. :( Well ok, we'll still alternate every-other-day 1pm pickup/afternoons at home but it just won't be the same. An era really is over. Sad. But LJJ is ready to spread her wings and get out there with the other little people. My days at playgroup didn't last long (we went what, 7 times?) because quite frankly I felt that it SUCKED, and we're both too busy to enroll her & cart her around to proper extracirricular little-people activities like Kindermusik and what not. So nursery school it is. The one we picked is great, I think. While most of my friends with kids send theirs to the sister-school to this one on the complete opposite side of town, we're going with this one because logistically there's just no way we can get her to that other one every morning through traffic and all the urban nonsense. It's just not worth it. This one has the same management and philosophy and offers the same programmes etc etc etc. AND even though it's older and a little bit more crowded, it's closer to us. So she'll just have to make a whole lot of new friends. oh, there is a petting zoo there with goats and chickens and bunnies, so enough said! :)
Note to self to slow down as much as possible and enjoy this final & last month of this era that was being a work-at-home-every-other-day-moms. It's fading fast!
I don't remember what else I was going to write about so I'll leave it here and start gearing up for the massive weekend ahead!
Starting off today, I am supposed to be working at home but I REALLY need to go buy some presents. Then the Gourmet Girls (cooking club) is at my house tonight and I have to get stuff prepared! Of course this will involve copious amounts of wine which will probably affect my sleep as usual and I will be wrecked tomorrow, when The Mr. and I have to set out the Christmas hash in the morning, for the big run in the evening followed by the big party where I have to dress up in my North Pole elfin glory again and lead songs! And have boys sit on my lap! And drink more copious amounts of wine! Redundantical, I know!
Then the next day is Sinterklaas for the G-village 6 (Myself & The Mr., Jac & Mar, and Doc & Mrs Doc) which will involve feasting and gift exchanging and... go ahead and solve the mystery of what will be drunk in what amount... that's right, copious amounts of wine!! It's a shame we're all within walking distance of each other's driveways because otherwise I would probably use Sunday as a good excuse to "be the designated driver" and get some time off of liquid consumption. But alas it is not to be and I will just have to soldier through the fun and holiday merriment and make sure I up my water intake by 400%. A few Berocca wouldn't hurt either.
I am such a mainstream parent it is ridiclical. I am pretty sure my 19-month old is the only one on the planet with chores. But we've started making her feed the dogs every night. Responsibility and care-taking and all that. It's also something she likes to do because it involves dumping a can of something into a recepticle of some kind. Par-tay!
I still can't believe she's going to pre-school in January. It's really only just now hitting me, but we finally made the decision on which place, yesterday. She'll start with a 1/2 day until she's a bit older and then one of the good things about the place we decided on is that they have an all-day option, so she doesn't have to switch schools when she's old enough to go til 5. Bye-bye days of working from home and the peace, tranquility, bird-chirping and solitude of G-village mornings out my window every other day. :( Well ok, we'll still alternate every-other-day 1pm pickup/afternoons at home but it just won't be the same. An era really is over. Sad. But LJJ is ready to spread her wings and get out there with the other little people. My days at playgroup didn't last long (we went what, 7 times?) because quite frankly I felt that it SUCKED, and we're both too busy to enroll her & cart her around to proper extracirricular little-people activities like Kindermusik and what not. So nursery school it is. The one we picked is great, I think. While most of my friends with kids send theirs to the sister-school to this one on the complete opposite side of town, we're going with this one because logistically there's just no way we can get her to that other one every morning through traffic and all the urban nonsense. It's just not worth it. This one has the same management and philosophy and offers the same programmes etc etc etc. AND even though it's older and a little bit more crowded, it's closer to us. So she'll just have to make a whole lot of new friends. oh, there is a petting zoo there with goats and chickens and bunnies, so enough said! :)
Note to self to slow down as much as possible and enjoy this final & last month of this era that was being a work-at-home-every-other-day-moms. It's fading fast!
I don't remember what else I was going to write about so I'll leave it here and start gearing up for the massive weekend ahead!
Labels: The Kid Files
Now it's time to put the pedal to the metal
1 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 02 September 2010 at 9/02/2010 03:00:00 pm.
So the next 3 months are going to be a whirlwind and I'll probably have to minimize my extra-cirricular typing activities cuz it's about to git biz-zay.
My last, ultimate, eternally-permanent-forever-final university semester began yesterday. I got my due dates for thesis drafts and it looks like I need to have something considered "draft-worthy" by the first week of October (yikes!) and then the finalamente finale in mid-November. With any luck I will then be a Master-Master by the end of 2010. I don't even want to think about that because I'm still in the dark as to whether or not my proposed study will be accepted. But I've pushed that boat out into the lake now, and there ain't no turning back. Too many numbers are being crunched and too many thousands of words have already been written. So I'm just crossing my fingers.
The Kid is getting to be a handful. Let me just say that babyhood has been easy for us. And no that is NOT because we were BLESSED by a magically flawless creature. (I'm going to rip the face off the next person who tells me how "lucky" we are. Yeah, i'll tell you where to take your freakin "luck" and go. And it aint gonna be Vegas). Through hard work and an extremely dedicated joint-force task team (i.e. The Mr. & I) we have now successfully enjoyed the babyhood and came out on the other side with a pretty good kid. Worth at LEAST 10 bucks, I tell ya. However, now it is over. Now it is Toddler Time and all I can say is BOY HOWDY, HOW DO SOME PEOPLE DO THIS ON THEIR OWN!? I mean, DAMN! I'm not just talking about having another newly-mobile person in the house. I'm talking all the extra pee and poo that comes out of these things. And you gotta take 'em to the potty all the time. What's up with that? Every 15 minutes you're taking em to the damn potty. I waste half my days next to that damn potty. In babyhood, you just let 'em crap themselves and if you're really lazy you use disposable diapers so you don't even have to spray the things out with the hose. And then there's the extra food that needs to go into 'em when they're this size (which you gotta cook now, no more bottles and quick-mix-porridge, as well as cognitive "stuff" like now having to watch your mouths all the time and literally be TEACHING all. the. dang. time. every. minute. of. every. day. Sponges, I tell you, sponges. Oh, and that whole dealing-with-that-new-thing-they're-developing called a "temper"..... Santa Maria! Not only do you have to be uber vigilant on the reprimanding & follow-through, but you've also gotta keep your OWN temper in check. Holy Balls!
Anyhoo, LJJ is going to preschool in January so we've been out checking them out. All the options. All the crap. All the fees. All the pros & cons. I'm sorry but I'm (we're) not driving 45 minutes out of my (our) way every single day just because one school offers Kindermusik and the other one doesn't. Or because one has a more culturally diverse clientele than the other. Or an apple orchard. Ugh. Ultimately my philosophy is that The Kid is going to be learning as much if not more from ME than whatever 5 hours she spends on somebody else's watch anyway and whatever we feel she's not getting from nursery school, I'm pretty sure we can supplement at home. Frankly it's just gotta tick as many boxes as possible, including boxes that belong to Mom & Pops too, mmkay?
Speaking of family matters and Mom & Pops, in the TMI segment (I know at least 1 someone who will be interested in this if for no other reason than a certain madey-uppy band name that it refers to), The Mr. has his first appointment for his snip-snip consultation coming up. Woo hoo! Much to the dismay of our families and apparently every other human we know, we will officially not have "procreation" to add to our list of cares in the world in a few short months!! hee hee! My mate Soo keeps asking "are you SURE? are you SURE?" and I think now at least that the appointments are made, she'll finally believe us. Now when all the nosy, rude, ballsy inappropriate assholes hit us up with the "can you not HAVE children of your OWN?" bit, I can just go "Nope! We are officially vas defrens-less!!! Ta daaaaaaa!!!" ba-dump-CHING!!!
I think the trip back home in July and the time spent with all the insanity-inducing black eyes and sibling-induced temper tantrums and mulitple-carseats and "we dont go anywhere anymore" management issues we got caught up in with some of our friends/family of mulitples (Disclaimer: clearly this doesn't mean ALL of them, of course!!!), our whole desire to be parents of a singleton was cemented with a phone call to the private hospital. And since we've already got a lifetime ahead of us with dealing with the whole "your kid looks different than you" world of issues, we might as well face the judgemental dickhead mentality of people who have no problem announcing to you that "your child will be spoiled and stupid if you do not give it a sibling!".
Right. Love that one. It's so innocent and justified, isn't it. Because YOU know one kid who's an only child and they act like a brat, that's how MY kid is going to turn out. Classy. That's a flat out judgement of MY parenting abilities you just passed. WTF, I'm the mother who denied her child a freakin PACIFIER throughout infanthood and gives her ONE. FROZEN. PEA as a "special treat". Spoiled my ass. Let's do a follow up in 10 years and see how your 5 yelling, screaming, sister-hitting brats are so above and beyond the benchmark for "plays well with others" than mine. And IF you don't mind, I've seen my fair share of self-absorbed bratty one-of-two/three/four/five/six'es. Not to mention I haven't met an older child (or "ex-only child" as I like to call them) who wasn't better behaved and LESS spoiled than the younger one(s) so there's MY two cents. Oh, and ye who come to me with the whole "only children can't socialize well" thing? Well, that myth has been debunked by science over and over again (including in the book I'm reading right now which is FASCINATING, by the way - if anything, it says, Singletons are far more willing to adapt to others, solve social problems creatively, etc, so as to not fall out with their friends and other "worthy adversaries", whereas multiples have the whole "I'm sentenced to you for life" mentality when it comes to siblings, "so I can just beat the crap out of you and treat you like poo as much as I want - you aint goin nowhere".) so I'm gonna go ahead and go with real data instead of that old cliche that you heard 20 times in your playgroup of moms with 6 kids each and no jobs.
Ugh. Yes, there's a bit of ranting I've had stored up for a few days after a certain recent encounter. Whew. Good to get that out. Every parent needs a screw-you! blog.
But for the record (and post-rant), The Mr. and I both come from a long line of multiple siblings who were all pretty much a waste of time as far as "besty-friendy" sib-relationships go, and although we know they're out there (with my luck, that accounts for 100% of the 2 people reading this), it never really happened for us. Lucikly for our relationship, both of us, as "oldests" are on the same page about the issue. For every besty-friendy sibling set we know, we also know (or are related to) another bunch who either hate, resent, fell out with, or couldnt give a shit about each other. So, that in tandem with our enviro-nazi beliefs and attempt to fractionally-neutralize our own immediate families' carbon footprints (HA!) no touchy-feely crap at stake on that topic here.
I hear the sound of snipping!! Chuckle.
I have been so busy lately that I have been too exhausted to do Jack Shyte in the evenings. Seriously, it's insane. However, this means that in a few of my random acts of couch-flopping from exhaustion, I have managed to catch yet another Hi-Larry funny-ass show on the boob toob - "Modern Family". HA! Speak of the devil. Anyhoo, I saw it was nom'ed for a bunch of Emmys so I thought I'd give it a whirl and it was terribly funny (in sort of a "Best In Show' and "Spinal Tap" way, which makes sense then that I"d like it since those are 2 of my favorite movies). I'm still using "Cougar Town" and "HIMYM" for belly laughs too lately, both of which never fail to disappoint.
Oh crap I am so behind. Toodles.
My last, ultimate, eternally-permanent-forever-final university semester began yesterday. I got my due dates for thesis drafts and it looks like I need to have something considered "draft-worthy" by the first week of October (yikes!) and then the finalamente finale in mid-November. With any luck I will then be a Master-Master by the end of 2010. I don't even want to think about that because I'm still in the dark as to whether or not my proposed study will be accepted. But I've pushed that boat out into the lake now, and there ain't no turning back. Too many numbers are being crunched and too many thousands of words have already been written. So I'm just crossing my fingers.
The Kid is getting to be a handful. Let me just say that babyhood has been easy for us. And no that is NOT because we were BLESSED by a magically flawless creature. (I'm going to rip the face off the next person who tells me how "lucky" we are. Yeah, i'll tell you where to take your freakin "luck" and go. And it aint gonna be Vegas). Through hard work and an extremely dedicated joint-force task team (i.e. The Mr. & I) we have now successfully enjoyed the babyhood and came out on the other side with a pretty good kid. Worth at LEAST 10 bucks, I tell ya. However, now it is over. Now it is Toddler Time and all I can say is BOY HOWDY, HOW DO SOME PEOPLE DO THIS ON THEIR OWN!? I mean, DAMN! I'm not just talking about having another newly-mobile person in the house. I'm talking all the extra pee and poo that comes out of these things. And you gotta take 'em to the potty all the time. What's up with that? Every 15 minutes you're taking em to the damn potty. I waste half my days next to that damn potty. In babyhood, you just let 'em crap themselves and if you're really lazy you use disposable diapers so you don't even have to spray the things out with the hose. And then there's the extra food that needs to go into 'em when they're this size (which you gotta cook now, no more bottles and quick-mix-porridge, as well as cognitive "stuff" like now having to watch your mouths all the time and literally be TEACHING all. the. dang. time. every. minute. of. every. day. Sponges, I tell you, sponges. Oh, and that whole dealing-with-that-new-thing-they're-developing called a "temper"..... Santa Maria! Not only do you have to be uber vigilant on the reprimanding & follow-through, but you've also gotta keep your OWN temper in check. Holy Balls!
Anyhoo, LJJ is going to preschool in January so we've been out checking them out. All the options. All the crap. All the fees. All the pros & cons. I'm sorry but I'm (we're) not driving 45 minutes out of my (our) way every single day just because one school offers Kindermusik and the other one doesn't. Or because one has a more culturally diverse clientele than the other. Or an apple orchard. Ugh. Ultimately my philosophy is that The Kid is going to be learning as much if not more from ME than whatever 5 hours she spends on somebody else's watch anyway and whatever we feel she's not getting from nursery school, I'm pretty sure we can supplement at home. Frankly it's just gotta tick as many boxes as possible, including boxes that belong to Mom & Pops too, mmkay?
Speaking of family matters and Mom & Pops, in the TMI segment (I know at least 1 someone who will be interested in this if for no other reason than a certain madey-uppy band name that it refers to), The Mr. has his first appointment for his snip-snip consultation coming up. Woo hoo! Much to the dismay of our families and apparently every other human we know, we will officially not have "procreation" to add to our list of cares in the world in a few short months!! hee hee! My mate Soo keeps asking "are you SURE? are you SURE?" and I think now at least that the appointments are made, she'll finally believe us. Now when all the nosy, rude, ballsy inappropriate assholes hit us up with the "can you not HAVE children of your OWN?" bit, I can just go "Nope! We are officially vas defrens-less!!! Ta daaaaaaa!!!" ba-dump-CHING!!!
I think the trip back home in July and the time spent with all the insanity-inducing black eyes and sibling-induced temper tantrums and mulitple-carseats and "we dont go anywhere anymore" management issues we got caught up in with some of our friends/family of mulitples (Disclaimer: clearly this doesn't mean ALL of them, of course!!!), our whole desire to be parents of a singleton was cemented with a phone call to the private hospital. And since we've already got a lifetime ahead of us with dealing with the whole "your kid looks different than you" world of issues, we might as well face the judgemental dickhead mentality of people who have no problem announcing to you that "your child will be spoiled and stupid if you do not give it a sibling!".
Right. Love that one. It's so innocent and justified, isn't it. Because YOU know one kid who's an only child and they act like a brat, that's how MY kid is going to turn out. Classy. That's a flat out judgement of MY parenting abilities you just passed. WTF, I'm the mother who denied her child a freakin PACIFIER throughout infanthood and gives her ONE. FROZEN. PEA as a "special treat". Spoiled my ass. Let's do a follow up in 10 years and see how your 5 yelling, screaming, sister-hitting brats are so above and beyond the benchmark for "plays well with others" than mine. And IF you don't mind, I've seen my fair share of self-absorbed bratty one-of-two/three/four/five/six'es. Not to mention I haven't met an older child (or "ex-only child" as I like to call them) who wasn't better behaved and LESS spoiled than the younger one(s) so there's MY two cents. Oh, and ye who come to me with the whole "only children can't socialize well" thing? Well, that myth has been debunked by science over and over again (including in the book I'm reading right now which is FASCINATING, by the way - if anything, it says, Singletons are far more willing to adapt to others, solve social problems creatively, etc, so as to not fall out with their friends and other "worthy adversaries", whereas multiples have the whole "I'm sentenced to you for life" mentality when it comes to siblings, "so I can just beat the crap out of you and treat you like poo as much as I want - you aint goin nowhere".) so I'm gonna go ahead and go with real data instead of that old cliche that you heard 20 times in your playgroup of moms with 6 kids each and no jobs.
Ugh. Yes, there's a bit of ranting I've had stored up for a few days after a certain recent encounter. Whew. Good to get that out. Every parent needs a screw-you! blog.
But for the record (and post-rant), The Mr. and I both come from a long line of multiple siblings who were all pretty much a waste of time as far as "besty-friendy" sib-relationships go, and although we know they're out there (with my luck, that accounts for 100% of the 2 people reading this), it never really happened for us. Lucikly for our relationship, both of us, as "oldests" are on the same page about the issue. For every besty-friendy sibling set we know, we also know (or are related to) another bunch who either hate, resent, fell out with, or couldnt give a shit about each other. So, that in tandem with our enviro-nazi beliefs and attempt to fractionally-neutralize our own immediate families' carbon footprints (HA!) no touchy-feely crap at stake on that topic here.
I hear the sound of snipping!! Chuckle.
I have been so busy lately that I have been too exhausted to do Jack Shyte in the evenings. Seriously, it's insane. However, this means that in a few of my random acts of couch-flopping from exhaustion, I have managed to catch yet another Hi-Larry funny-ass show on the boob toob - "Modern Family". HA! Speak of the devil. Anyhoo, I saw it was nom'ed for a bunch of Emmys so I thought I'd give it a whirl and it was terribly funny (in sort of a "Best In Show' and "Spinal Tap" way, which makes sense then that I"d like it since those are 2 of my favorite movies). I'm still using "Cougar Town" and "HIMYM" for belly laughs too lately, both of which never fail to disappoint.
Oh crap I am so behind. Toodles.
Labels: The Kid Files
Old and in the way - and sucking it up
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 08 March 2010 at 3/08/2010 11:27:00 am.
Well!
I got my house back, after a week with the 'rents that was just so non-stop and full on that I didn't have a chance to breathe. Although I did have the opportunity to gain a whole 1.5kg.... NOT HAPPY.
It was a pretty decent trip as far as the parental unit and I go. No fights, no yelling, no pouting or storming off on anyone's part. Which is always an achievement in itself. Only one incident that had the potential to go pear-shaped, but I sucked it up and moved along albeit begrudgingly. And of COURSE it was the most typical, had-to-happen-sometime token induction into the world of grandmother/mother relations... basically, I had my own idea of what LJJs grandfather would be called, and so did Her Royal Highness The Matriarch. But rather than coming right out and saying: "we all know it's ALL ABOUT ME, so therefore I would like him to be referred to as 'Grandpa'", I had to OVERHEAR her bullying Grandpa into submission regarding what HE SHALL BE REFERRED TO AS, period. Obviously Gramps the ever-diplomatic voice of reason put up his best rebuttal ("but...." The End.) and I (boiling over on the inside) broke in and called the spade a spade (bullying) in a reasonable and polite tone, and was dually informed that thanks to my *%&$! INLAWS getting to choose what they would be called by the grandkid (The Mr. was naive enough to explain that we had no choice in the matter), that she too would be in charge of making the decision for both of the Maternal grandparents.
Ah-ha, Touché, madre, touché.
But aside from that particular brush with anger and spite, it was a success all around. Everyone behaved, we took them Hashing on Monday (where they got to witness their daughter being installed as Grand Matress), The Mr. and I celebrated our anniversary on the Tuesday with the 'rents and our new Belgian friends C&H from the 'hood, with a big braai and drinks in the garden.... the grandparental bonding with the youngling was a success.... many presents were given (and to my amazement all in compliance with my '1 toy rule').... much love was spread around, etc etc. I even got the first "with-family" b-day celebration I've had since I was a teen living at home, complete with cake, brandy alexanders, and my choice of homecooked dinner. I took my pops up to my work site in the North on friday as his early father's day present, so he could do some exotic-location birding while I worked, and he kept carrying on about how it was the best gift anyone ever got him. So all in all, yes, a success.
Saturday, we exhaustedly put them on a plane, and came home and crashed. Boy my parents are high-energy. I keep forgetting that. They're all-singing, all-dancing, all-talking, all-enquiring, all-doing folks. Dad is up at 5am every day, wandering the neighbourhood, binoculars pasted to his eyeballs.... mom is constantly conversing.... dad is asking to get dropped off at the sewerage ponds for a wee day trip.... mom is pleading to take you shopping.... dad wants to clean the pool, mom wants to check out the local schools, both want to get adequate exercise in their daily agenda, and wouldn't we please like to join them? etc etc etc.... crikey! It's like going from the sublime to the ridiculous when you compare the inlaws and the outlaws in this family. The Mr's rents just want to sit around all day and stare off into space while drinking beer.
Anyway. This whole birthday thing has been seriously extensive now. Having the family 'do on Friday, then yesterday getting my first present from The Mr. (a piano! a dream come true! but more on that later...), going out for dinner with C&H and the Swedes to celebrate last night, and now today (the actual day) having a nice lunch with The Mr. and I'm sure plenty of drinks with the Hashers tonight.
OMG chalk one up for LJJ in the "firsts" department - last night - and it isn't a goodie. Baby's first embarassing public explosion. The worst. The biggest nightmare ever. OK so she's teething at the moment and basically decided that last night, at the restaurant with our mates, would be the night she would absolutely lose the plot and morph into Monster Baby for one and all to see. Cry, cry, cry. High maintenence. Didn't want to sit. Didn't want to be held. Didn't want to eat. Didn't want to drink. Didn't want NUTTIN. aggghhhh!!! And to top it all off, when we were finally driving home with C&H in the car, she decided to do the whole blood-curdling scream thing (which honestly I had never even HEARD before)... I wanted to die! I told her she would be promptly sold on the street for 10 Pula as soon as we got home. OK I know in the Spirit of 2010 I should be saying well, at least there was no one else in the restaurant besides us, and yeah, we're blessed that this is the only time this happened, and true, C&H are some truly chilled out Belgians without a care in the world about this stuff.... but DANG!!! I even woke up today going "You. Monster. Doghouse." Serenity now, serenity now.
And further in The Kid Files.... get this! BOY AM I CHEESED OFF ABOUT THIS ONE.
(These people should really not screw with me on my birthday like this)
So I get this email from the Aussie HIGH (cuz that's what they must be - on CRACK) Commission stating that they have received our application for LJJs visa. Now could I please provide them with copies of
1. Me & the MR.'s passport
2. Her birth cert "with your names on it" (like what? her bc with Elmo and Big Bird's name on it?)
3. Me & the Mr's visas.
4. Me & the Mr's return tickets (copies).
So I send them.
Now I get an email. And this is NOT the cliff's notes version. This is 100%:
"Dear Oh Wayward One.
Can you provide copies of the adoption papers.
Ms. Offensive Assuming Cow."
Can you believe this crap!?!? I don't know what I'm more pissed about - the fact that her BC has our names on it and yet this PERSON has just ASSUMED that there are 'adoption papers', or the fact that this is 99.9% surely based on the fact that our black & white passport photos look... exactly that. Black & white. COME ON PEOPLE. Where exactly does some bovine in Visa Processing get off with this??
So let me just finish this little backslide into 2009 by saying: THE HARDEST. HARDEST. HARD-EST THING i HAVE EVER, *EVER* HAD TO DO is probably what I just did, which is to click "send" after attaching a copy of my baby's adoption order to an email WITH NO TEXT, that will hopefully be the final piece of CRAP that I have to hand over just to fly across the ocean and spend my hard earned money on a DAMN holiday!!! UGH!!! It was hard, because I was chomping, CHOMPING at the bit, mind you, to pick up the phone, call up the supervisor of whatever VISITOR VISA PROCESSING dept and say something to the effect of "do you often make prejudgements on whether or not a child has been adopted based on the color of their skin in a black and white photo? is this your typical M.O.? because I think it SUCKS!" or, "can you please tell me what relevance my child's adoption papers have to whether or not she can come into your country and eat, sleep, and poop for approximately 14 days?" OMG! I'm absolutely SIMMERING over here, like!!! I don't know how to explain it, but I think the tone of the email (and lack of even considering to use the word 'please') and fact that it was no more than an ASSUMPTION that provoked this issue, is what really chapped my hide more than anything. I mean what if I had been raped & inpregnated by a black man? What if The Mr is my 2nd husband and my first & biological father of LJJ was a fine Herero Prince who was viciously murdered in cold blood by terrorists? What then? Do I owe it to Senora Nosey Pants to delve into the horrific tragedy and strife that resulted in me just happening to have a chocolate baby???
To be honest, I did pick up the phone and dial the number. But it was busy.... 4 times. I said to myself "ok, God, give me a sign - if the number is still busy on attempt No. 5, I will not press it further and will resign myself to sucking it up and playing the game and hitting "send" on this email WITHOUT using the words "offensive", "assumption", or "supervisor". And it was still busy.
So yes, even though I say it was the hardest thing I ever had to do - I almost didn't even do it, which I know I need to work on. Sometimes you just gotta play the game, and suck it up. I know in my gut this is one of those times (also having The Mr tell me "NOOOOOO! God NO don't do that!" didn't hurt in thwarting my attempt at satisfying my internal need for what *I* perceive as justice).
So anyway, before I get even more stirred up, back to the land of positive and encouraging.
**sucking - it - up**
***head down***
****teeth clenched****
MOVING ON!
The Mr. has really done it this time - somehow managing to trump his already immortal status as best-husband-ever from the last birthday when I got my iPhone from him. And not only by buying me my adulthood dream of a real live piano, but by the sheer love and effort that he put into the process. It was a toughie alright. We live in a country where pianos are neither made nor sold 2nd hand. So he had to somehow sneak off to South Africa and sneak home a giant behemoth of a musical instrument without me being the wiser. And not to mention hide it in a temporary hiding place for over a week! And him not being a musician and all, I was just overcome with amazement at the research he'd done and the decisions he had to make regarding what to buy and where, etc etc.... taking into account climate, brands, new vs. refurbished vs. old banger, country of origin, shape, look, style, and so on. OK not only has he officially redeemed himself after this Christmas and anniversary present debacles, but he has also upped the ante on how awesome any one husband can be when it comes to the art of making your wife happy by taking her mind off how old and decrepit she is becoming. I am simply in awe.
I got my house back, after a week with the 'rents that was just so non-stop and full on that I didn't have a chance to breathe. Although I did have the opportunity to gain a whole 1.5kg.... NOT HAPPY.
It was a pretty decent trip as far as the parental unit and I go. No fights, no yelling, no pouting or storming off on anyone's part. Which is always an achievement in itself. Only one incident that had the potential to go pear-shaped, but I sucked it up and moved along albeit begrudgingly. And of COURSE it was the most typical, had-to-happen-sometime token induction into the world of grandmother/mother relations... basically, I had my own idea of what LJJs grandfather would be called, and so did Her Royal Highness The Matriarch. But rather than coming right out and saying: "we all know it's ALL ABOUT ME, so therefore I would like him to be referred to as 'Grandpa'", I had to OVERHEAR her bullying Grandpa into submission regarding what HE SHALL BE REFERRED TO AS, period. Obviously Gramps the ever-diplomatic voice of reason put up his best rebuttal ("but...." The End.) and I (boiling over on the inside) broke in and called the spade a spade (bullying) in a reasonable and polite tone, and was dually informed that thanks to my *%&$! INLAWS getting to choose what they would be called by the grandkid (The Mr. was naive enough to explain that we had no choice in the matter), that she too would be in charge of making the decision for both of the Maternal grandparents.
Ah-ha, Touché, madre, touché.
But aside from that particular brush with anger and spite, it was a success all around. Everyone behaved, we took them Hashing on Monday (where they got to witness their daughter being installed as Grand Matress), The Mr. and I celebrated our anniversary on the Tuesday with the 'rents and our new Belgian friends C&H from the 'hood, with a big braai and drinks in the garden.... the grandparental bonding with the youngling was a success.... many presents were given (and to my amazement all in compliance with my '1 toy rule').... much love was spread around, etc etc. I even got the first "with-family" b-day celebration I've had since I was a teen living at home, complete with cake, brandy alexanders, and my choice of homecooked dinner. I took my pops up to my work site in the North on friday as his early father's day present, so he could do some exotic-location birding while I worked, and he kept carrying on about how it was the best gift anyone ever got him. So all in all, yes, a success.
Saturday, we exhaustedly put them on a plane, and came home and crashed. Boy my parents are high-energy. I keep forgetting that. They're all-singing, all-dancing, all-talking, all-enquiring, all-doing folks. Dad is up at 5am every day, wandering the neighbourhood, binoculars pasted to his eyeballs.... mom is constantly conversing.... dad is asking to get dropped off at the sewerage ponds for a wee day trip.... mom is pleading to take you shopping.... dad wants to clean the pool, mom wants to check out the local schools, both want to get adequate exercise in their daily agenda, and wouldn't we please like to join them? etc etc etc.... crikey! It's like going from the sublime to the ridiculous when you compare the inlaws and the outlaws in this family. The Mr's rents just want to sit around all day and stare off into space while drinking beer.
Anyway. This whole birthday thing has been seriously extensive now. Having the family 'do on Friday, then yesterday getting my first present from The Mr. (a piano! a dream come true! but more on that later...), going out for dinner with C&H and the Swedes to celebrate last night, and now today (the actual day) having a nice lunch with The Mr. and I'm sure plenty of drinks with the Hashers tonight.
OMG chalk one up for LJJ in the "firsts" department - last night - and it isn't a goodie. Baby's first embarassing public explosion. The worst. The biggest nightmare ever. OK so she's teething at the moment and basically decided that last night, at the restaurant with our mates, would be the night she would absolutely lose the plot and morph into Monster Baby for one and all to see. Cry, cry, cry. High maintenence. Didn't want to sit. Didn't want to be held. Didn't want to eat. Didn't want to drink. Didn't want NUTTIN. aggghhhh!!! And to top it all off, when we were finally driving home with C&H in the car, she decided to do the whole blood-curdling scream thing (which honestly I had never even HEARD before)... I wanted to die! I told her she would be promptly sold on the street for 10 Pula as soon as we got home. OK I know in the Spirit of 2010 I should be saying well, at least there was no one else in the restaurant besides us, and yeah, we're blessed that this is the only time this happened, and true, C&H are some truly chilled out Belgians without a care in the world about this stuff.... but DANG!!! I even woke up today going "You. Monster. Doghouse." Serenity now, serenity now.
And further in The Kid Files.... get this! BOY AM I CHEESED OFF ABOUT THIS ONE.
(These people should really not screw with me on my birthday like this)
So I get this email from the Aussie HIGH (cuz that's what they must be - on CRACK) Commission stating that they have received our application for LJJs visa. Now could I please provide them with copies of
1. Me & the MR.'s passport
2. Her birth cert "with your names on it" (like what? her bc with Elmo and Big Bird's name on it?)
3. Me & the Mr's visas.
4. Me & the Mr's return tickets (copies).
So I send them.
Now I get an email. And this is NOT the cliff's notes version. This is 100%:
"Dear Oh Wayward One.
Can you provide copies of the adoption papers.
Ms. Offensive Assuming Cow."
Can you believe this crap!?!? I don't know what I'm more pissed about - the fact that her BC has our names on it and yet this PERSON has just ASSUMED that there are 'adoption papers', or the fact that this is 99.9% surely based on the fact that our black & white passport photos look... exactly that. Black & white. COME ON PEOPLE. Where exactly does some bovine in Visa Processing get off with this??
So let me just finish this little backslide into 2009 by saying: THE HARDEST. HARDEST. HARD-EST THING i HAVE EVER, *EVER* HAD TO DO is probably what I just did, which is to click "send" after attaching a copy of my baby's adoption order to an email WITH NO TEXT, that will hopefully be the final piece of CRAP that I have to hand over just to fly across the ocean and spend my hard earned money on a DAMN holiday!!! UGH!!! It was hard, because I was chomping, CHOMPING at the bit, mind you, to pick up the phone, call up the supervisor of whatever VISITOR VISA PROCESSING dept and say something to the effect of "do you often make prejudgements on whether or not a child has been adopted based on the color of their skin in a black and white photo? is this your typical M.O.? because I think it SUCKS!" or, "can you please tell me what relevance my child's adoption papers have to whether or not she can come into your country and eat, sleep, and poop for approximately 14 days?" OMG! I'm absolutely SIMMERING over here, like!!! I don't know how to explain it, but I think the tone of the email (and lack of even considering to use the word 'please') and fact that it was no more than an ASSUMPTION that provoked this issue, is what really chapped my hide more than anything. I mean what if I had been raped & inpregnated by a black man? What if The Mr is my 2nd husband and my first & biological father of LJJ was a fine Herero Prince who was viciously murdered in cold blood by terrorists? What then? Do I owe it to Senora Nosey Pants to delve into the horrific tragedy and strife that resulted in me just happening to have a chocolate baby???
To be honest, I did pick up the phone and dial the number. But it was busy.... 4 times. I said to myself "ok, God, give me a sign - if the number is still busy on attempt No. 5, I will not press it further and will resign myself to sucking it up and playing the game and hitting "send" on this email WITHOUT using the words "offensive", "assumption", or "supervisor". And it was still busy.
So yes, even though I say it was the hardest thing I ever had to do - I almost didn't even do it, which I know I need to work on. Sometimes you just gotta play the game, and suck it up. I know in my gut this is one of those times (also having The Mr tell me "NOOOOOO! God NO don't do that!" didn't hurt in thwarting my attempt at satisfying my internal need for what *I* perceive as justice).
So anyway, before I get even more stirred up, back to the land of positive and encouraging.
**sucking - it - up**
***head down***
****teeth clenched****
MOVING ON!
The Mr. has really done it this time - somehow managing to trump his already immortal status as best-husband-ever from the last birthday when I got my iPhone from him. And not only by buying me my adulthood dream of a real live piano, but by the sheer love and effort that he put into the process. It was a toughie alright. We live in a country where pianos are neither made nor sold 2nd hand. So he had to somehow sneak off to South Africa and sneak home a giant behemoth of a musical instrument without me being the wiser. And not to mention hide it in a temporary hiding place for over a week! And him not being a musician and all, I was just overcome with amazement at the research he'd done and the decisions he had to make regarding what to buy and where, etc etc.... taking into account climate, brands, new vs. refurbished vs. old banger, country of origin, shape, look, style, and so on. OK not only has he officially redeemed himself after this Christmas and anniversary present debacles, but he has also upped the ante on how awesome any one husband can be when it comes to the art of making your wife happy by taking her mind off how old and decrepit she is becoming. I am simply in awe.
Labels: mi familia, The Kid Files, The Mr.
It is I, the Grand Mattress! (And, What I REALLY meant was...)
0 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 24 February 2010 at 2/24/2010 10:45:00 am.
Well, the inevitable happened and lo and behold The Mr. and I have found ourselves on another committee!! Although this time I can live with the committee, being that there are no monthly meetings, no fund raisers, no PR events.... altogether a relatively obligation-free responsibility. While I feel honored to have been "elected" into what is apparently the bigwig position of the Hash, I'm just nervous that I will suck at it, and what were these people thinking?!?! Pete was soooooooo good as Grand Master.... he's funny, witty, can command respect, and is one of those outgoing types who makes people just WANT to do what he says. And at that hash that usually means sitting on a block of ice while you get serenaded with drinking songs due to some transgression or another that you've been found guilty of.... or hanging a big piece of rhino shit on a rope, around your neck for some other reason, etc. At any rate, here goes. I just need to learn to throw my voice because
The Mr., on the other hand, has a great job. He got elected Braumeister, and is now in charge of mixing the most horrific, nasty-tasting, nuclear-colored drinks he can dream up, for those guilty of their hash crimes. And he has to house the hash beer fridge for the duration of his tenure, and ensure that all hash beverages make it from point A to point B on time and in an icy cold manner.
Otherwise, the last couple weeks have been interesting, as it just so happened that I got in touch with more than one "long-losty" as seems to be happening more and more in the day and age of FB. Anyway, that was really great. Especially one in particular, someone who was my real BFF during one of the major parts of my most life-changing years. In the spirit of 2010, I'm not going to complain about it, but may I just say it is WORTH NOTING that I have had to have the same conversation at least 3 times during all these cyber reunions and that is: "but you SWORE that you were NEVER going to have KIDS!" Since the arrival of LJJ on the scene, I've had this conv. about a bizillion times now, and it just goes to show that what you SAY and what people HEAR can be completely confounded by the likes of one or two little words that can go either way.
Let's start with the facts:
1. I may not be a lot of things, but one thing I definitely AM, is a gal of the "never say never" mind. You tell me you'll "never" go back to smoking or that girl or that job or eating death by chocolate for breakfast, and I'll say "HEY watch it, stranger things have happened!" or "HEY never say never!" I know, because it's true!
2. I have said a lot of things in the anti-offspring department, absolutely. Yes. 100% correct. But ALWAYS in the back of my mind there was a door open somewhere, I just had to figure out down which corridor it was located. Therefore.... "never say never!"
So as I have recently found myself explaining (x 10), I would like to clear up the things that could easily have been interpreted as me saying something as CATAGORICAL and BLACK AND WHITE as "Me. Child. Never. Forever."
10 Things I probably said:
1. Kids? Not a fan. (as in.... "of other peoples!" or, "poorly behaved ones!")
2. Us? Kids? I don't see it happening any time soon (as in.... "soon could be anywhere between 2 days and 10 years")
3. Not really interested at the moment (as in, see above)
4. "Eeeewwww!!!" (as in, "eeewww! child birth!!!"... again, strictly related to child-getting methodology)
5. Not even on the radar right now (see No.s 2, 3)
6. Why don't you go and have yours first and then we'll see (as in.... I'm not in a hurry, k?)
7. My husband's & my outrageous, radical enviro-nazi, anti-populationist beliefs prevent us from breeding more humans for the earth to absorb when there's already clearly a population crisis stemming from 18 year old poverty stricken African mothers of 5 in this country to wealthy high-impact, high-CO2 footprint mormon families in Utah or Catholics in Ireland thumbing their noses at the concept of Replacement Rate, overall resulting in too many babies that already exist (as in.... I still don't believe in personally contributing to population issues).
8. Uhhhhh.... I dunno.... (as in.... "I. Don't. Know." but anything's possible!)
9. I've got dogs. Aren't my dogs GREAT???!!! (as in.... "not ready yet!!"... but still, anything's possible!!), and finally,
10. But I love The Mr. sooo much, I don't think I would want to share him with anyone else!! (absolutely, totally true! But not a categorical denial of 100% of any possibility for eternity!!)
And yes, there's probably a wealth of others - I'm sure I'll be reminded of 4,000 of them after writing this, but still.... I know in my own BRAIN that I never believed it would be smart to say "uh-uh, NEVER!", because hey, it was always a possibility. Hell, I'm the one who never wanted to put my old copy of "Goodnight Moon" in our family's numerous garage sales because I always wanted to hand it down! But ultimately The Mr. & I both just had to get to a point where we could figure out how and when we could both live with doing it. Sure I'm probably writing all this now because my BUDDIES out there try to make me feel guilty for alluding to one thing and doing another, especially b/c LJJ is such a cutie pants and they get a kick out of saying "now see, aren't you glad you CHANGED YOUR MIND??" but I still firmly believe it comes down to splitting hairs semantically. Because I know what was, and wasn't, actually on my/our life-and-family-planning agenda, regardless of what other people want to hear when I utter the nonsense that comes out of my mouth!!
Anyhoo, if nothing else the lesson learned from all this, here, is still that I stand by my conviction that it's silly to make black and white statements that use the word "never" in them, and I still maintain that I try not to do it! (see how I said that without using the words "I never do it"??) And! even when you are creative with your sematics (like I try to be!) to avoid making gross generalizations or statements of concrete... be careful because people still read into the words you say and will ride your ass about what they heard, for years to come! And in the Spirit of 2010 it's just unhealthy to use qualifiers in the negative anyway, so there!
In other Year of Positivity news, I'm hitting this whole "relationship building" with the parents thing head-on. I resolved to say at least 10 supportive and positive things about the Ma & Pa last night at the hash, to everyone who will be meeting them next week, in preparation for not falling into that whole "uhhhhnnnnn, my parents are coming.... uhhhnnnnnn.... they're gonna drive me nuts & they're so annnoooyyyying" trap that I have been really bad at propogating over the last, what, 16 years of my life??? So now, everyone at the hash is looking forward to meeting them and has given me all sorts of positive vibes about how we are going to have such a nice time, and how special it will be for them to meet their first grand-offspring, etc etc etc and I really believe that it is genuinely helping get me in the right head space for their impending arrival. The power of this whole verbalizing-the-right-things-and-they-will-come-true is truly impressive! I heartily recommend it!
The Mr., on the other hand, has a great job. He got elected Braumeister, and is now in charge of mixing the most horrific, nasty-tasting, nuclear-colored drinks he can dream up, for those guilty of their hash crimes. And he has to house the hash beer fridge for the duration of his tenure, and ensure that all hash beverages make it from point A to point B on time and in an icy cold manner.
Otherwise, the last couple weeks have been interesting, as it just so happened that I got in touch with more than one "long-losty" as seems to be happening more and more in the day and age of FB. Anyway, that was really great. Especially one in particular, someone who was my real BFF during one of the major parts of my most life-changing years. In the spirit of 2010, I'm not going to complain about it, but may I just say it is WORTH NOTING that I have had to have the same conversation at least 3 times during all these cyber reunions and that is: "but you SWORE that you were NEVER going to have KIDS!" Since the arrival of LJJ on the scene, I've had this conv. about a bizillion times now, and it just goes to show that what you SAY and what people HEAR can be completely confounded by the likes of one or two little words that can go either way.
Let's start with the facts:
1. I may not be a lot of things, but one thing I definitely AM, is a gal of the "never say never" mind. You tell me you'll "never" go back to smoking or that girl or that job or eating death by chocolate for breakfast, and I'll say "HEY watch it, stranger things have happened!" or "HEY never say never!" I know, because it's true!
2. I have said a lot of things in the anti-offspring department, absolutely. Yes. 100% correct. But ALWAYS in the back of my mind there was a door open somewhere, I just had to figure out down which corridor it was located. Therefore.... "never say never!"
So as I have recently found myself explaining (x 10), I would like to clear up the things that could easily have been interpreted as me saying something as CATAGORICAL and BLACK AND WHITE as "Me. Child. Never. Forever."
10 Things I probably said:
1. Kids? Not a fan. (as in.... "of other peoples!" or, "poorly behaved ones!")
2. Us? Kids? I don't see it happening any time soon (as in.... "soon could be anywhere between 2 days and 10 years")
3. Not really interested at the moment (as in, see above)
4. "Eeeewwww!!!" (as in, "eeewww! child birth!!!"... again, strictly related to child-getting methodology)
5. Not even on the radar right now (see No.s 2, 3)
6. Why don't you go and have yours first and then we'll see (as in.... I'm not in a hurry, k?)
7. My husband's & my outrageous, radical enviro-nazi, anti-populationist beliefs prevent us from breeding more humans for the earth to absorb when there's already clearly a population crisis stemming from 18 year old poverty stricken African mothers of 5 in this country to wealthy high-impact, high-CO2 footprint mormon families in Utah or Catholics in Ireland thumbing their noses at the concept of Replacement Rate, overall resulting in too many babies that already exist (as in.... I still don't believe in personally contributing to population issues).
8. Uhhhhh.... I dunno.... (as in.... "I. Don't. Know." but anything's possible!)
9. I've got dogs. Aren't my dogs GREAT???!!! (as in.... "not ready yet!!"... but still, anything's possible!!), and finally,
10. But I love The Mr. sooo much, I don't think I would want to share him with anyone else!! (absolutely, totally true! But not a categorical denial of 100% of any possibility for eternity!!)
And yes, there's probably a wealth of others - I'm sure I'll be reminded of 4,000 of them after writing this, but still.... I know in my own BRAIN that I never believed it would be smart to say "uh-uh, NEVER!", because hey, it was always a possibility. Hell, I'm the one who never wanted to put my old copy of "Goodnight Moon" in our family's numerous garage sales because I always wanted to hand it down! But ultimately The Mr. & I both just had to get to a point where we could figure out how and when we could both live with doing it. Sure I'm probably writing all this now because my BUDDIES out there try to make me feel guilty for alluding to one thing and doing another, especially b/c LJJ is such a cutie pants and they get a kick out of saying "now see, aren't you glad you CHANGED YOUR MIND??" but I still firmly believe it comes down to splitting hairs semantically. Because I know what was, and wasn't, actually on my/our life-and-family-planning agenda, regardless of what other people want to hear when I utter the nonsense that comes out of my mouth!!
Anyhoo, if nothing else the lesson learned from all this, here, is still that I stand by my conviction that it's silly to make black and white statements that use the word "never" in them, and I still maintain that I try not to do it! (see how I said that without using the words "I never do it"??) And! even when you are creative with your sematics (like I try to be!) to avoid making gross generalizations or statements of concrete... be careful because people still read into the words you say and will ride your ass about what they heard, for years to come! And in the Spirit of 2010 it's just unhealthy to use qualifiers in the negative anyway, so there!
In other Year of Positivity news, I'm hitting this whole "relationship building" with the parents thing head-on. I resolved to say at least 10 supportive and positive things about the Ma & Pa last night at the hash, to everyone who will be meeting them next week, in preparation for not falling into that whole "uhhhhnnnnn, my parents are coming.... uhhhnnnnnn.... they're gonna drive me nuts & they're so annnoooyyyying" trap that I have been really bad at propogating over the last, what, 16 years of my life??? So now, everyone at the hash is looking forward to meeting them and has given me all sorts of positive vibes about how we are going to have such a nice time, and how special it will be for them to meet their first grand-offspring, etc etc etc and I really believe that it is genuinely helping get me in the right head space for their impending arrival. The power of this whole verbalizing-the-right-things-and-they-will-come-true is truly impressive! I heartily recommend it!
Labels: HHH, The Kid Files, The spirit of 2010
To dive in or not to dive in?!
2 Comments Published by Oh Wayward One on 22 January 2010 at 1/22/2010 12:32:00 pm.
How cool is it that Lady JooJoo has her own passport now!?!?
I just can't believe the last piece of the puzzle is finally in!! Well, ok, I can believe it - and I always knew it was coming, it just took a lot of faith and patience. 2 commodities that I've never held in spades.
Anyway today I was thinking about "big stuff" (probably in the wake of all the faith and patience reward-reaping) for a change, and about some chocolate/vanilla issues... normally that kinda malarkey isn't really on my radar since she's still a baby and since we've formally "done all that" stuff in our pre-adoption counselling - discussed, planned, trouble-shot, hypothetical scenario'd everything, etc etc. But I do regularly read this blog and sometimes it gets me thinking about what's lying in wait in our future as a mixed race family now. I like reading the blog because it's a helpful tool for anyone who has to handle the fathoms of ignorance and insensitivity out there.... all the "don't you want YOUR OWN children some day"s and "who are her REAL PARENTS"s and all the "Don't you want to keep your own GENES in your family"s... by reading how other people handle stuff, even not so much how the public treats you but how you deal with raising your kid is helpful. I mean there are real issues that require real sanity-management tactics and having a community within your reach (online) of people who have been there/done that is (I'm learning) a must. But all of a sudden today one of the bloggers started mentioning "helpful books".
At first, I was like "hmmm... I better start ordering some of these", and was soon clicking on a bunch of Amazon links to read about these recommendations for this, that, and the other issues & topics. But then....
...then I was reading some of the reactions/critiques of some of the books, as well as what the books were about, and I got all freaked out. I'm thinking there is quite possibly a community of people out there who are TOO "big issue"-oriented for my liking. It took one review of one "transracial adoption bible" that was titled "Pity Party!" to all of a sudden stop me in my tracks and think..... yeah... is this really ME?
I'm not REALLY sure where I'm going with this, but I think I'm very close to drawing a line in the sand about how far I.... ME... PERSONALLY.... want to go into the pool of OMG MY KID COULD POTENTIALLY BE SCARRED FOR LIFE IF I DON'T TAKE THIS MIXED RACE FAMILY THING LEATHALLY SERIOUSLY. It's like there are times that I really get clobbered in the face (by a "look" or a comment or some general idiot stating the obvious) by this stuff, but I'm pretty sure that reading one blog (written by a community of authors not just one) is good enough/better medication for getting over those humps than actually becoming obsessive and spending half my salary on Amazon would be (trust me, there are THAT MANY BOOKS on the subject out there). And I have to wonder if reading all that stuff wouldn't potentially stir up stuff that A) Isn't really there, B) May not ever really affect ME or my kid, as we all raise DIFFERENT KIDS, PEOPLE!!!, C) Just be a waste of USD$ that I would be better off spending on the Tom Petty Biography because it would make ME HAPPY. (And *naturally* I'm a proponant of the "if mamma aint happy aint nobody happy" theory)
Hmmmm.
Also, I've never been a really big self-help-book type person. That doesn't mean I've never read one or that I don't think anyone else should read them... I think I just prefer real life teaching to assuming that someone else's experiences are EXACTLY what I'm going throug/going to go through. Now of course that makes me sound borderline arrogant and know-it-all, but seriously, there's a gut feeling at work here. OBVIOUSLY I'm going to have to face a bunch of challenges that the majority of the folks out there and their mini-mes don't have to encounter... but have I ever been the type of person who can't handle something unless I've read what The Experts' Advice Complete Compendium has to say about how to proceed???
And by elevating this topic to the pinnacle of "I have to see what THEY recommend" might I not just be setting myself up to take some other (fallible) human's (potentially bad) advice???
I'm continually second guessing my gut feeling on the subject of "It IS a big deal" or "It's NO big deal". Because normally I'm a part of the party of the latter. But there's someone else's future in the balance here, so my half-cocked portion of the brain is being closely monitored by my rational (1/5,000th) portion of the brain.... especially when you read stuff like "This book is useful for all parents who want their children to grow up with healthy attitudes in a world that uses race to separate human beings... and if you don't read it YOU MAY F*CK THEM UP FOR LIFE!!!!" (ok yes that is partially a real quote).
OK so there's my deep thinking for the month, now back to our regularly scheduled blog of nonsense.
I just can't believe the last piece of the puzzle is finally in!! Well, ok, I can believe it - and I always knew it was coming, it just took a lot of faith and patience. 2 commodities that I've never held in spades.
Anyway today I was thinking about "big stuff" (probably in the wake of all the faith and patience reward-reaping) for a change, and about some chocolate/vanilla issues... normally that kinda malarkey isn't really on my radar since she's still a baby and since we've formally "done all that" stuff in our pre-adoption counselling - discussed, planned, trouble-shot, hypothetical scenario'd everything, etc etc. But I do regularly read this blog and sometimes it gets me thinking about what's lying in wait in our future as a mixed race family now. I like reading the blog because it's a helpful tool for anyone who has to handle the fathoms of ignorance and insensitivity out there.... all the "don't you want YOUR OWN children some day"s and "who are her REAL PARENTS"s and all the "Don't you want to keep your own GENES in your family"s... by reading how other people handle stuff, even not so much how the public treats you but how you deal with raising your kid is helpful. I mean there are real issues that require real sanity-management tactics and having a community within your reach (online) of people who have been there/done that is (I'm learning) a must. But all of a sudden today one of the bloggers started mentioning "helpful books".
At first, I was like "hmmm... I better start ordering some of these", and was soon clicking on a bunch of Amazon links to read about these recommendations for this, that, and the other issues & topics. But then....
...then I was reading some of the reactions/critiques of some of the books, as well as what the books were about, and I got all freaked out. I'm thinking there is quite possibly a community of people out there who are TOO "big issue"-oriented for my liking. It took one review of one "transracial adoption bible" that was titled "Pity Party!" to all of a sudden stop me in my tracks and think..... yeah... is this really ME?
I'm not REALLY sure where I'm going with this, but I think I'm very close to drawing a line in the sand about how far I.... ME... PERSONALLY.... want to go into the pool of OMG MY KID COULD POTENTIALLY BE SCARRED FOR LIFE IF I DON'T TAKE THIS MIXED RACE FAMILY THING LEATHALLY SERIOUSLY. It's like there are times that I really get clobbered in the face (by a "look" or a comment or some general idiot stating the obvious) by this stuff, but I'm pretty sure that reading one blog (written by a community of authors not just one) is good enough/better medication for getting over those humps than actually becoming obsessive and spending half my salary on Amazon would be (trust me, there are THAT MANY BOOKS on the subject out there). And I have to wonder if reading all that stuff wouldn't potentially stir up stuff that A) Isn't really there, B) May not ever really affect ME or my kid, as we all raise DIFFERENT KIDS, PEOPLE!!!, C) Just be a waste of USD$ that I would be better off spending on the Tom Petty Biography because it would make ME HAPPY. (And *naturally* I'm a proponant of the "if mamma aint happy aint nobody happy" theory)
Hmmmm.
Also, I've never been a really big self-help-book type person. That doesn't mean I've never read one or that I don't think anyone else should read them... I think I just prefer real life teaching to assuming that someone else's experiences are EXACTLY what I'm going throug/going to go through. Now of course that makes me sound borderline arrogant and know-it-all, but seriously, there's a gut feeling at work here. OBVIOUSLY I'm going to have to face a bunch of challenges that the majority of the folks out there and their mini-mes don't have to encounter... but have I ever been the type of person who can't handle something unless I've read what The Experts' Advice Complete Compendium has to say about how to proceed???
And by elevating this topic to the pinnacle of "I have to see what THEY recommend" might I not just be setting myself up to take some other (fallible) human's (potentially bad) advice???
I'm continually second guessing my gut feeling on the subject of "It IS a big deal" or "It's NO big deal". Because normally I'm a part of the party of the latter. But there's someone else's future in the balance here, so my half-cocked portion of the brain is being closely monitored by my rational (1/5,000th) portion of the brain.... especially when you read stuff like "This book is useful for all parents who want their children to grow up with healthy attitudes in a world that uses race to separate human beings... and if you don't read it YOU MAY F*CK THEM UP FOR LIFE!!!!" (ok yes that is partially a real quote).
OK so there's my deep thinking for the month, now back to our regularly scheduled blog of nonsense.
Labels: The Kid Files
